Great Revival ! Sporking Communuity ☆ Kingdom Spork (Part 3)
You can stick this fic in the exactly same place.
Title: Konoha’s Keyhole
Author: splashcore
No links provided due to NC-17
EDIT: HOLY CRAP AND JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK - RE:CHAIN OF MEMORIES ID COMING TO THE NORTH AMERICAN PS2 !
It isn’t KHII:FinalMix+, but it’s a start.
C’MON, SQUEENIX !
I don’t even have a PS2 and I’m excited.
Rating:
One for the Canon-Replica and Character Rape, One for the Fridge Logic, One for the illogical, bad porn and one for plain WHAT THE F*CK. The fifth one for the most annoying trait of all - acknowledging the biological impossibility of its stupid plotpoint (No nagas, or kooshballs, but it pulls up close.) but then it happily handwaves them away. *screams loudly and pounds fists* Only its blissful shortness. Oh, wait - ANSEM.
Full Name (including any titles): As canon
Full Species(es): As canon
Hair Color (include adjectives): As canon
Eye Color (include adjectives): Ditto
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: You get the picture.
Special Possessions (if any): A magical self-lubricating Keyblade. I wish I was making that up.
Origin: Sigmund Freud’s darkest nightmares.
Connections To Canon Characters: Replaced them with malfunctioning robot clones in a reprogrammed Twilight Town simulation rated XXX.
Special Abilities: To have colon walls of steel, apparently.
Other Annoying Traits: Naruto has his world’s keyhole IN HIS ASS. Also, the fic ignores biology and common sense, interprets Sora’s willingness to fight for people he met for all of two minutes into being willing TO SHOVE HIS KEYBLADE UP ANOTHER’S ASS (Does it show that that annoys me ?). Sora is also casually made gay, like Naruto, and that’s a c*ckslap in the face because it’s totally meaningless in the PWP of this fic because the KAYBLADE GETS ALL THE ACTION. In the end, they form a friendship f*ckbuddy relationship and decide that Sora will come back for an extra helping of buttsex. Of course, he’ll be the uke.
I Say/Notes:
- It’s an anime crossover. The fact that it’s hosted on y!Gallery is a better omen then that.
-It baits you with canon only to cheerfully unload illogical crap on you that makes little Spock cry white-hot tears.
- Characterization ? In MY badfic ?
- The Keyblade apparently has a sexuality. Go figure. (It’s the seme.)
- SORA SHOVES THE KEYBLADE UP NARUTO’S ASS. It can’t be said enough times. Oh, hell I’ll change the rating to an Ansem. (Which I already did)
~ 2008 Ansem Award for most WTF badfic~
- Rinse and repeat ad infinitum.
- First sporking, but I can take criticism. I can’t be far worse then the fic; I know already I make the comments too frequently. (Do I ?) Also, here my dirty little secret: I’ve never played Kingdom Hearts. I read several plot scripts and analysises, but actually never played ‘cos I have no PS2 (And also, I’d go crazy because we don’t get the Final Mixes.) I still think I can spork this and get the characters kinda right, though.
WARNING ! WARNING ! This is a Yaoi!fic ! It is unsuitable for all minors - and most adults, too. Those who enter, abandon all hope and have your trusty brain bleach ready. Horny teenagers, seek your stimulation elsewhere. You have been warned.
Last time on Kingdom Spork…
"Don't worry. Stuff like that always happens," Sora answered.
Sora: Yes, last Tuesday it programmed my video recorder.
Kairi: And folded my socks.
Axel: And undressed all my young female neighbours.
All: *eyebrow*
A beam of light shot out from the tip of the Keyblade, straight into Naruto's shining asshole.
Demyx: *Used sitar as a synthesizer, makes Lightsaber noises*
Axel: *labored breathing* Come… To the Backside of the Force, Sora…
Sora: *hands is the “Schwartz” position* NEVER !
"Ah!" Naruto yelped--and then moaned. His toes curled.
"You okay, Naruto?"
"Yeah. It just, ooh, tingles . . . "
Axel: *girlish voice* Ehehehe.. it tickles~
All: *spittake*
"Okay," said Sora. "If you're still alright, then here it comes."
Like it was moving on it's own volition, and Sora was just the schmuck holding the handle, the Keyblade drew closer to the leaf-nin's tempting, twitching backside. It pressed between Naruto's firm cheeks, dimpling both sides.
Demyx: *sitar’s a twoi-oi-oi-oiiiing noise*
Sora: It still doesn’t work like that.
Riku: Wow, it chooses Naruto’s ass over Sora’s heart.
All: …
Riku: That came out wrong.
Kairi: Did it ever have a chance not to ?
"I'll try to go slow . . . " Sora said, concentrating on that glowing bubble-butt.
Axel: Radioactive asses. Get yours today.
Kairi: What IS in their water supply ?
Demyx: Godzilla.
"Alright . . . " Naruto said, his breath catching at the cold anal contact.
It squeezed past those anxious buttocks. Naruto groaned a little bit, but otherwise there was no resistance as it slid along smoothly--like Naruto's ass was a well oiled lock. The cool metal felt hard and alien inside him and, was it just him, or was the Keyblade throbbing a little? The thing came to to a stop at his entrance.
Kairi: And - we have another magical self-lubricating ass.
Sora: Not to mention that the Keyblade probably got its newest chain from Dr. Freud.
Riku: It’s alive ! IT’S ALIVE !
Axel: … Axel!Plushie!Chuckie ?
"Are you ready for it to go in?" Sora asked.
"Just, ahrn, do it!"
Sora nodded in determination. "Okay!"
With an "oomph," Sora pushed the thing inside. Naruto let out a hard yelp as sphincter reflexively tightened around it.
Riku; Sora - the Keyblade's smallest form is the Kingdom Key, right ?
Sora: *summons* Yes, why ?
Riku: *points at the Crown-silhouetting “teeth” of the key*
All: …
Kairi: This fic violates not just the characters in it.
"Ahh . . . shit!" He groaned, squirming his asscheeks around the shaft. "Ghck! H--hurts! Too . . . big!"
Riku: It’s fandumb ! Kairi ! Take Sora and run ! I’ll stop it !
Axel: To quote Vexen when he’s drunk: “LOGIC: UR DOING IT WRONG.”
"Sorry, Naruto! Just a little further!" Sora promised. "I think we're almost there."
"H--hurry!" Naruto panted. He could feel the shape of the thing--it's head and shaft and teeth--all violating him. "I don't think I can--nng!--take much more!"
Kairi: The fic mocks itself. Meta.
Axel: No, it doesn’t.
Demyx: Yes, it acknowledges its illogicalness and yet cheerfully goes along to explore newfound realms of badness.
Axel: I say we burn it ! *lights up palm*
Sora slowly, inch by inch, slid the the slick Keyblade further up Naruto's ass. He watched as those round, tan buns engulfed more and more of the thick weapon. Naruto arched his back and moaned as he was painfully, torturously, key-fucked. His entire asshole felt like it was being ripped and stretched apart.
Axel: C-O-L-O-N R-U-P-T-U-R-E. Got it memorized ?
Riku: … No. Just - no.
Sora: *drops Keyblade* And now it’s self-lubricating, too.
Then, with an audible click, the Keyblade locked into place. A jolt ran down Naruto's spine, and he gasped. That key . . . it suddenly felt kinda good.
Riku: All the moaning beforehand was just him faking arousal, as he’d done it for the last seventeen years of their marriage.
Sora: Riku ! Why ?
Riku: *evil voice* It is I, Fanbrat, seeker of dumbness…
Sora: NOOOO !
"Aaah . . . Is--Is that it?" he groaned out. His ass felt completely stuffed.
Sora: Intestines do not work that way.
Kairi: Give it up, this one’s a goner.
"Uhh . . . almost," said Sora. "Now I just gotta, uh, turn it."
"E--EH!? Hey--you never said anything about turning the damn thing! That's gonna hurt like a bitch, you--!"
"Sorry, Naruto!" Sora said, and twisted the Keyblade.
"Aaahhh--AAAHHH!!" Naruto yelled. The whole insides of his ass felt like it was being scraped raw by the Keyblade's teeth.
All: …
Kairi: There are no words.
Axel: *as Vexen* LOGIC: STILL DOING IT WRONG. … I need booze to bear this. *summons Firewhisky*
But then, the Keyblade had made a ninety degree twist, and there was another click, like tumblers falling into place--and Naruto felt himself doing the impossible.
Demyx: *plays MI Theme*
Axel: *as announcer* So, Naruto, you want to break the world record in making the most pies in 30 minutes, all whilst - having… a key up your ass ?!
Sora: *as Naruto* BELIEVE IT !
Riku and Kairi: *headdesk*
Axel: *violently chugs whisky*
He was cumming. Hard.
Axel: As opposed to softly.
Great strings of semen shot out from his suddenly engorged, aroused cock,
Riku: Go, Speed Racer, go !
Herd of Plagiarism Lawyers: *trample*
looping and spiraling all over the place.
Demyx: *Circus music*
Sora: *points* Look, a flight show !
All: Oooooh…
Naruto couldn't believe how much was being discharged. It felt like his full, teenaged balls had just completely emptied themselves, right then and there--and then kept going.
Axel: Coughing and spacking and throwing up nothing but empty air and dust whilst shrivelling like raisins.
All males: *look of extreme discomfort*
He heard himself giving off long, horny moans as his cock shot over and over. It was like something had been unlocked within him, via prostate, along with whatever else the Keyblade had done in there.
Axel: Oh, yes, unlock me with your mighty key, oh Keyblade Mas-
Sora: I swear to God Almighty, finish that line, no, TALK AT ALL, and I will see you suffer in a way that’d make Naga-Riku look like a Care-Bear.
Axel: *edges away cautiously*
And that's Part Three, folks
Title: Konoha’s Keyhole
Author: splashcore
No links provided due to NC-17
EDIT: HOLY CRAP AND JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK - RE:CHAIN OF MEMORIES ID COMING TO THE NORTH AMERICAN PS2 !
It isn’t KHII:FinalMix+, but it’s a start.
C’MON, SQUEENIX !
I don’t even have a PS2 and I’m excited.
Rating:
One for the Canon-Replica and Character Rape, One for the Fridge Logic, One for the illogical, bad porn and one for plain WHAT THE F*CK. The fifth one for the most annoying trait of all - acknowledging the biological impossibility of its stupid plotpoint (No nagas, or kooshballs, but it pulls up close.) but then it happily handwaves them away. *screams loudly and pounds fists* Only its blissful shortness. Oh, wait - ANSEM.
Full Name (including any titles): As canon
Full Species(es): As canon
Hair Color (include adjectives): As canon
Eye Color (include adjectives): Ditto
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: You get the picture.
Special Possessions (if any): A magical self-lubricating Keyblade. I wish I was making that up.
Origin: Sigmund Freud’s darkest nightmares.
Connections To Canon Characters: Replaced them with malfunctioning robot clones in a reprogrammed Twilight Town simulation rated XXX.
Special Abilities: To have colon walls of steel, apparently.
Other Annoying Traits: Naruto has his world’s keyhole IN HIS ASS. Also, the fic ignores biology and common sense, interprets Sora’s willingness to fight for people he met for all of two minutes into being willing TO SHOVE HIS KEYBLADE UP ANOTHER’S ASS (Does it show that that annoys me ?). Sora is also casually made gay, like Naruto, and that’s a c*ckslap in the face because it’s totally meaningless in the PWP of this fic because the KAYBLADE GETS ALL THE ACTION. In the end, they form a friendship f*ckbuddy relationship and decide that Sora will come back for an extra helping of buttsex. Of course, he’ll be the uke.
I Say/Notes:
- It’s an anime crossover. The fact that it’s hosted on y!Gallery is a better omen then that.
-It baits you with canon only to cheerfully unload illogical crap on you that makes little Spock cry white-hot tears.
- Characterization ? In MY badfic ?
- The Keyblade apparently has a sexuality. Go figure. (It’s the seme.)
- SORA SHOVES THE KEYBLADE UP NARUTO’S ASS. It can’t be said enough times. Oh, hell I’ll change the rating to an Ansem. (Which I already did)
~ 2008 Ansem Award for most WTF badfic~
- Rinse and repeat ad infinitum.
- First sporking, but I can take criticism. I can’t be far worse then the fic; I know already I make the comments too frequently. (Do I ?) Also, here my dirty little secret: I’ve never played Kingdom Hearts. I read several plot scripts and analysises, but actually never played ‘cos I have no PS2 (And also, I’d go crazy because we don’t get the Final Mixes.) I still think I can spork this and get the characters kinda right, though.
WARNING ! WARNING ! This is a Yaoi!fic ! It is unsuitable for all minors - and most adults, too. Those who enter, abandon all hope and have your trusty brain bleach ready. Horny teenagers, seek your stimulation elsewhere. You have been warned.
Last time on Kingdom Spork…
"Don't worry. Stuff like that always happens," Sora answered.
Sora: Yes, last Tuesday it programmed my video recorder.
Kairi: And folded my socks.
Axel: And undressed all my young female neighbours.
All: *eyebrow*
A beam of light shot out from the tip of the Keyblade, straight into Naruto's shining asshole.
Demyx: *Used sitar as a synthesizer, makes Lightsaber noises*
Axel: *labored breathing* Come… To the Backside of the Force, Sora…
Sora: *hands is the “Schwartz” position* NEVER !
"Ah!" Naruto yelped--and then moaned. His toes curled.
"You okay, Naruto?"
"Yeah. It just, ooh, tingles . . . "
Axel: *girlish voice* Ehehehe.. it tickles~
All: *spittake*
"Okay," said Sora. "If you're still alright, then here it comes."
Like it was moving on it's own volition, and Sora was just the schmuck holding the handle, the Keyblade drew closer to the leaf-nin's tempting, twitching backside. It pressed between Naruto's firm cheeks, dimpling both sides.
Demyx: *sitar’s a twoi-oi-oi-oiiiing noise*
Sora: It still doesn’t work like that.
Riku: Wow, it chooses Naruto’s ass over Sora’s heart.
All: …
Riku: That came out wrong.
Kairi: Did it ever have a chance not to ?
"I'll try to go slow . . . " Sora said, concentrating on that glowing bubble-butt.
Axel: Radioactive asses. Get yours today.
Kairi: What IS in their water supply ?
Demyx: Godzilla.
"Alright . . . " Naruto said, his breath catching at the cold anal contact.
It squeezed past those anxious buttocks. Naruto groaned a little bit, but otherwise there was no resistance as it slid along smoothly--like Naruto's ass was a well oiled lock. The cool metal felt hard and alien inside him and, was it just him, or was the Keyblade throbbing a little? The thing came to to a stop at his entrance.
Kairi: And - we have another magical self-lubricating ass.
Sora: Not to mention that the Keyblade probably got its newest chain from Dr. Freud.
Riku: It’s alive ! IT’S ALIVE !
Axel: … Axel!Plushie!Chuckie ?
"Are you ready for it to go in?" Sora asked.
"Just, ahrn, do it!"
Sora nodded in determination. "Okay!"
With an "oomph," Sora pushed the thing inside. Naruto let out a hard yelp as sphincter reflexively tightened around it.
Riku; Sora - the Keyblade's smallest form is the Kingdom Key, right ?
Sora: *summons* Yes, why ?
Riku: *points at the Crown-silhouetting “teeth” of the key*
All: …
Kairi: This fic violates not just the characters in it.
"Ahh . . . shit!" He groaned, squirming his asscheeks around the shaft. "Ghck! H--hurts! Too . . . big!"
Riku: It’s fandumb ! Kairi ! Take Sora and run ! I’ll stop it !
Axel: To quote Vexen when he’s drunk: “LOGIC: UR DOING IT WRONG.”
"Sorry, Naruto! Just a little further!" Sora promised. "I think we're almost there."
"H--hurry!" Naruto panted. He could feel the shape of the thing--it's head and shaft and teeth--all violating him. "I don't think I can--nng!--take much more!"
Kairi: The fic mocks itself. Meta.
Axel: No, it doesn’t.
Demyx: Yes, it acknowledges its illogicalness and yet cheerfully goes along to explore newfound realms of badness.
Axel: I say we burn it ! *lights up palm*
Sora slowly, inch by inch, slid the the slick Keyblade further up Naruto's ass. He watched as those round, tan buns engulfed more and more of the thick weapon. Naruto arched his back and moaned as he was painfully, torturously, key-fucked. His entire asshole felt like it was being ripped and stretched apart.
Axel: C-O-L-O-N R-U-P-T-U-R-E. Got it memorized ?
Riku: … No. Just - no.
Sora: *drops Keyblade* And now it’s self-lubricating, too.
Then, with an audible click, the Keyblade locked into place. A jolt ran down Naruto's spine, and he gasped. That key . . . it suddenly felt kinda good.
Riku: All the moaning beforehand was just him faking arousal, as he’d done it for the last seventeen years of their marriage.
Sora: Riku ! Why ?
Riku: *evil voice* It is I, Fanbrat, seeker of dumbness…
Sora: NOOOO !
"Aaah . . . Is--Is that it?" he groaned out. His ass felt completely stuffed.
Sora: Intestines do not work that way.
Kairi: Give it up, this one’s a goner.
"Uhh . . . almost," said Sora. "Now I just gotta, uh, turn it."
"E--EH!? Hey--you never said anything about turning the damn thing! That's gonna hurt like a bitch, you--!"
"Sorry, Naruto!" Sora said, and twisted the Keyblade.
"Aaahhh--AAAHHH!!" Naruto yelled. The whole insides of his ass felt like it was being scraped raw by the Keyblade's teeth.
All: …
Kairi: There are no words.
Axel: *as Vexen* LOGIC: STILL DOING IT WRONG. … I need booze to bear this. *summons Firewhisky*
But then, the Keyblade had made a ninety degree twist, and there was another click, like tumblers falling into place--and Naruto felt himself doing the impossible.
Demyx: *plays MI Theme*
Axel: *as announcer* So, Naruto, you want to break the world record in making the most pies in 30 minutes, all whilst - having… a key up your ass ?!
Sora: *as Naruto* BELIEVE IT !
Riku and Kairi: *headdesk*
Axel: *violently chugs whisky*
He was cumming. Hard.
Axel: As opposed to softly.
Great strings of semen shot out from his suddenly engorged, aroused cock,
Riku: Go, Speed Racer, go !
Herd of Plagiarism Lawyers: *trample*
looping and spiraling all over the place.
Demyx: *Circus music*
Sora: *points* Look, a flight show !
All: Oooooh…
Naruto couldn't believe how much was being discharged. It felt like his full, teenaged balls had just completely emptied themselves, right then and there--and then kept going.
Axel: Coughing and spacking and throwing up nothing but empty air and dust whilst shrivelling like raisins.
All males: *look of extreme discomfort*
He heard himself giving off long, horny moans as his cock shot over and over. It was like something had been unlocked within him, via prostate, along with whatever else the Keyblade had done in there.
Axel: Oh, yes, unlock me with your mighty key, oh Keyblade Mas-
Sora: I swear to God Almighty, finish that line, no, TALK AT ALL, and I will see you suffer in a way that’d make Naga-Riku look like a Care-Bear.
Axel: *edges away cautiously*
And that's Part Three, folks