Great Revival ! Sporking Communuity ☆ Kingdom Spork (Part 4 - Last Part)
You can stick this fic in the exactly same place.
Title: Konoha’s Keyhole
Author: splashcore
No links provided due to NC-17
EDIT: HOLY CRAP AND JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK - RE:CHAIN OF MEMORIES ID COMING TO THE NORTH AMERICAN PS2 !
It isn’t KHII:FinalMix+, but it’s a start.
C’MON, SQUEENIX !
I don’t even have a PS2 and I’m excited.
Rating:
One for the Canon-Replica and Character Rape, One for the Fridge Logic, One for the illogical, bad porn and one for plain WHAT THE F*CK. The fifth one for the most annoying trait of all - acknowledging the biological impossibility of its stupid plotpoint (No nagas, or kooshballs, but it pulls up close.) but then it happily handwaves them away. *screams loudly and pounds fists* Only its blissful shortness (and the rare good spelling and grammar) prevents five Shadows, or even an Ansem. Were it longer, I’d have to Photoshop / redraw in Flash the Ansem icon with a “WTF?!” expression.) Wait - never mind. ANSEM.
Full Name (including any titles): As canon
Full Species(es): As canon
Hair Color (include adjectives): As canon
Eye Color (include adjectives): Ditto
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: You get the picture.
Special Possessions (if any): A magical self-lubricating Keyblade. I wish I was making that up.
Origin: Sigmund Freud’s darkest nightmares.
Connections To Canon Characters: Replaced them with malfunctioning robot clones in a reprogrammed Twilight Town simulation rated XXX.
Special Abilities: To have colon walls of steel, apparently.
Other Annoying Traits: Naruto has his world’s keyhole IN HIS ASS. Also, the fic ignores biology and common sense, interprets Sora’s willingness to fight for people he met for all of two minutes into being willing TO SHOVE HIS KEYBLADE UP ANOTHER’S ASS (Does it show that that annoys me ?). Sora is also casually made gay, like Naruto, and that’s a c*ckslap in the face because it’s totally meaningless in the PWP of this fic because the KAYBLADE GETS ALL THE ACTION. In the end, they form a friendship f*ckbuddy relationship and decide that Sora will come back for an extra helping of buttsex. Of course, he’ll be the uke.
I Say/Notes:
- It’s an anime crossover. The fact that it’s hosted on y!Gallery is a better omen then that.
-It baits you with canon only to cheerfully unload illogical crap on you that makes little Spock cry white-hot tears.
- Characterization ? In MY badfic ?
- The Keyblade apparently has a sexuality. Go figure. (It’s the seme.)
- SORA SHOVES THE KEYBLADE UP NARUTO’S ASS. It can’t be said enough times. Oh, hell I’ll change the rating to an Ansem.
~ 2008 Ansem Award for most WTF badfic~
- Rinse and repeat ad infinitum.
- First sporking, but I can take criticism. I can’t be far worse then the fic; I know already I make the comments too frequently. (Do I ?) Also, here my dirty little secret: I’ve never played Kingdom Hearts. I read several plot scripts and analysises, but actually never played ‘cos I have no PS2 (And also, I’d go crazy because we don’t get the Final Mixes.) I still think I can spork this and get the characters kinda right, though.
WARNING ! WARNING ! This is a Yaoi!fic ! It is unsuitable for all minors - and most adults, too. Those who enter, abandon all hope and have your trusty brain bleach ready. Horny teenagers, seek your stimulation elsewhere. You have been warned.
Last time, on Kingdom Spork…
He heard himself giving off long, horny moans as his cock shot over and over. It was like something had been unlocked within him, via prostate, along with whatever else the Keyblade had done in there.
Axel: Oh, yes, unlock me with your mighty key, oh Keyblade Mas-
Sora: I swear to God Almighty, finish that line, no, TALK AT ALL, and I will see you suffer in a way that’d make Naga-Riku look like a Care-Bear.
Axel: *edges away cautiously*
He opened his eyes to stars and fireworks. At first, he thought that he'd shot his load so hard that he was literally seeing spots, but no. There literally were sparkles in the air, drifting and tinkling around. And there was an outline of a big keyhole on the ground around him, brightly shimmering. After a few moments, it faded from view.
All: …
Axel: It’s so stupid it’s not even funny.
Sora: Canon, how have I wronged you that you mock me like this ? Why, canon, why ?
Riku: That’s not Canon, that’s a Canon Replica !
Kairi: … another one ?
"Now, was . . . was that it?" Naruto asked.
"Yeah," Sora said with a chuckle. "I think that was the, heh, climax."
Demyx: *Ba Dum Tish*
Axel: Heh, yeah, almost like, heh, an orgasm.
Riku: Or, you know, heh, a really bad, heh heh, pun.
The guy slowly pulled the Keyblade out from the exhausted ninja keyhole. It exited Naruto's rump slickly, moist and satiated.
Sora: *kicks dropped Keyblade away*
Axel: Definitely the Axel!Plushie!Chuckie thing.
Demyx: The Keyblade is Chuckie ?
Axel: Maybe. Anyway, if you let that dry, it’ll leave stains.
Riku: How do you know that ?
Axel: Erm…
"That was . . . the most . . . I've ever cum . . . in my life . . . " Naruto moaned.
"Heh, yeah." Sora tapped Naruto's butt with the Keyblade. "This thing is great for all kinds of things!" He beamed at Naruto. "Thanks, Naruto! Thanks to you, this world will be safe from the Heartless. And now I'm one step closer to finding Riku!"
Demyx: And I’ll unlock his -
Sora: *Anti-Form* *snarls*
Riku: Speaking for Sora, the Keyblade may be useful for lots of things BUT NOT THAT. Get your mind out of the gutter, horny fanbrats.
Kairi: A little late, perhaps.
Axel: YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF RULE 34’S POWER.
"Ahhn, I don't really get it, but you're welcome," Naruto said with a wince. "Anytime."
"Will you keep an eye out for Riku for me?" Sora asked. "He might still come here."
Axel: Oh, yeah, knowing the fandom, he’ll come all right.
Riku: Merciful God, no.
Axel: *summons chakrams* Now ?
"Sure," said Naruto. "Man, I seriously thought we had him when we caught that Suigetsu guy.
Sora: How generic ARE characters today ?
Riku: Hey, I’m totally distinct ! I have silver hair, and…
Sephiroth, Xemnas, Suigetsu, Ansem, etc. : *You called ?*
Riku: Never mind.
But yeah, I'll keep my eyes peeled. How about you, you're moving on?"
"I've gotta." Sora nodded. "But I'll stop by this world again sometime. For a visit." Sora grinned.
Naruto reached back to rub at his poor, stretched asshole. "Next time," he said, "You're the one bottoming."
Sora: …
Kairi: …
Riku: …
Axel: So Sora-
Destiny Trio: *inflict even more pain*
Demyx: At least it’s over.
Kairi: And neither me, Riku, or a misspelling of Paopu was it it.
Sora: *badfic voice* As u kno, bcuz of theyre TRU WUV, they shard a Poupoo frut.
Axel: …
Demyx: …
Kairi: …
Riku: Let’s get out of here and stop it with the ass jokes.
Axel: Good idea.
*He and Demyx warp out*
And so they all leave the cursed theatre to resume strolling in the sunshine, the fresh mental scars slowly mending - until the badfic alert sound for the next time.
Cid: Muahahahaha. *Ominous pipe organ*
Mrs. Highwind: CID ! ARE YOU PLAYING LOUD MUSIC AGAIN ?
Cid: *sigh* No, mom.
Mrs: Highwind: Yes, you are ! Stop cross-dressing in that cape and come help me with my feet.
Cid: … D=
~ The End ~
That's it.
It's over.
You can go now.
Guys ? ... Uh oh.
((How was it for a first spork ?))
Title: Konoha’s Keyhole
Author: splashcore
No links provided due to NC-17
EDIT: HOLY CRAP AND JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK - RE:CHAIN OF MEMORIES ID COMING TO THE NORTH AMERICAN PS2 !
It isn’t KHII:FinalMix+, but it’s a start.
C’MON, SQUEENIX !
I don’t even have a PS2 and I’m excited.
Rating:
One for the Canon-Replica and Character Rape, One for the Fridge Logic, One for the illogical, bad porn and one for plain WHAT THE F*CK. The fifth one for the most annoying trait of all - acknowledging the biological impossibility of its stupid plotpoint (No nagas, or kooshballs, but it pulls up close.) but then it happily handwaves them away. *screams loudly and pounds fists* Only its blissful shortness (and the rare good spelling and grammar) prevents five Shadows, or even an Ansem. Were it longer, I’d have to Photoshop / redraw in Flash the Ansem icon with a “WTF?!” expression.) Wait - never mind. ANSEM.
Full Name (including any titles): As canon
Full Species(es): As canon
Hair Color (include adjectives): As canon
Eye Color (include adjectives): Ditto
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: You get the picture.
Special Possessions (if any): A magical self-lubricating Keyblade. I wish I was making that up.
Origin: Sigmund Freud’s darkest nightmares.
Connections To Canon Characters: Replaced them with malfunctioning robot clones in a reprogrammed Twilight Town simulation rated XXX.
Special Abilities: To have colon walls of steel, apparently.
Other Annoying Traits: Naruto has his world’s keyhole IN HIS ASS. Also, the fic ignores biology and common sense, interprets Sora’s willingness to fight for people he met for all of two minutes into being willing TO SHOVE HIS KEYBLADE UP ANOTHER’S ASS (Does it show that that annoys me ?). Sora is also casually made gay, like Naruto, and that’s a c*ckslap in the face because it’s totally meaningless in the PWP of this fic because the KAYBLADE GETS ALL THE ACTION. In the end, they form a friendship f*ckbuddy relationship and decide that Sora will come back for an extra helping of buttsex. Of course, he’ll be the uke.
I Say/Notes:
- It’s an anime crossover. The fact that it’s hosted on y!Gallery is a better omen then that.
-It baits you with canon only to cheerfully unload illogical crap on you that makes little Spock cry white-hot tears.
- Characterization ? In MY badfic ?
- The Keyblade apparently has a sexuality. Go figure. (It’s the seme.)
- SORA SHOVES THE KEYBLADE UP NARUTO’S ASS. It can’t be said enough times. Oh, hell I’ll change the rating to an Ansem.
~ 2008 Ansem Award for most WTF badfic~
- Rinse and repeat ad infinitum.
- First sporking, but I can take criticism. I can’t be far worse then the fic; I know already I make the comments too frequently. (Do I ?) Also, here my dirty little secret: I’ve never played Kingdom Hearts. I read several plot scripts and analysises, but actually never played ‘cos I have no PS2 (And also, I’d go crazy because we don’t get the Final Mixes.) I still think I can spork this and get the characters kinda right, though.
WARNING ! WARNING ! This is a Yaoi!fic ! It is unsuitable for all minors - and most adults, too. Those who enter, abandon all hope and have your trusty brain bleach ready. Horny teenagers, seek your stimulation elsewhere. You have been warned.
Last time, on Kingdom Spork…
He heard himself giving off long, horny moans as his cock shot over and over. It was like something had been unlocked within him, via prostate, along with whatever else the Keyblade had done in there.
Axel: Oh, yes, unlock me with your mighty key, oh Keyblade Mas-
Sora: I swear to God Almighty, finish that line, no, TALK AT ALL, and I will see you suffer in a way that’d make Naga-Riku look like a Care-Bear.
Axel: *edges away cautiously*
He opened his eyes to stars and fireworks. At first, he thought that he'd shot his load so hard that he was literally seeing spots, but no. There literally were sparkles in the air, drifting and tinkling around. And there was an outline of a big keyhole on the ground around him, brightly shimmering. After a few moments, it faded from view.
All: …
Axel: It’s so stupid it’s not even funny.
Sora: Canon, how have I wronged you that you mock me like this ? Why, canon, why ?
Riku: That’s not Canon, that’s a Canon Replica !
Kairi: … another one ?
"Now, was . . . was that it?" Naruto asked.
"Yeah," Sora said with a chuckle. "I think that was the, heh, climax."
Demyx: *Ba Dum Tish*
Axel: Heh, yeah, almost like, heh, an orgasm.
Riku: Or, you know, heh, a really bad, heh heh, pun.
The guy slowly pulled the Keyblade out from the exhausted ninja keyhole. It exited Naruto's rump slickly, moist and satiated.
Sora: *kicks dropped Keyblade away*
Axel: Definitely the Axel!Plushie!Chuckie thing.
Demyx: The Keyblade is Chuckie ?
Axel: Maybe. Anyway, if you let that dry, it’ll leave stains.
Riku: How do you know that ?
Axel: Erm…
"That was . . . the most . . . I've ever cum . . . in my life . . . " Naruto moaned.
"Heh, yeah." Sora tapped Naruto's butt with the Keyblade. "This thing is great for all kinds of things!" He beamed at Naruto. "Thanks, Naruto! Thanks to you, this world will be safe from the Heartless. And now I'm one step closer to finding Riku!"
Demyx: And I’ll unlock his -
Sora: *Anti-Form* *snarls*
Riku: Speaking for Sora, the Keyblade may be useful for lots of things BUT NOT THAT. Get your mind out of the gutter, horny fanbrats.
Kairi: A little late, perhaps.
Axel: YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF RULE 34’S POWER.
"Ahhn, I don't really get it, but you're welcome," Naruto said with a wince. "Anytime."
"Will you keep an eye out for Riku for me?" Sora asked. "He might still come here."
Axel: Oh, yeah, knowing the fandom, he’ll come all right.
Riku: Merciful God, no.
Axel: *summons chakrams* Now ?
"Sure," said Naruto. "Man, I seriously thought we had him when we caught that Suigetsu guy.
Sora: How generic ARE characters today ?
Riku: Hey, I’m totally distinct ! I have silver hair, and…
Sephiroth, Xemnas, Suigetsu, Ansem, etc. : *You called ?*
Riku: Never mind.
But yeah, I'll keep my eyes peeled. How about you, you're moving on?"
"I've gotta." Sora nodded. "But I'll stop by this world again sometime. For a visit." Sora grinned.
Naruto reached back to rub at his poor, stretched asshole. "Next time," he said, "You're the one bottoming."
Sora: …
Kairi: …
Riku: …
Axel: So Sora-
Destiny Trio: *inflict even more pain*
Demyx: At least it’s over.
Kairi: And neither me, Riku, or a misspelling of Paopu was it it.
Sora: *badfic voice* As u kno, bcuz of theyre TRU WUV, they shard a Poupoo frut.
Axel: …
Demyx: …
Kairi: …
Riku: Let’s get out of here and stop it with the ass jokes.
Axel: Good idea.
*He and Demyx warp out*
And so they all leave the cursed theatre to resume strolling in the sunshine, the fresh mental scars slowly mending - until the badfic alert sound for the next time.
Cid: Muahahahaha. *Ominous pipe organ*
Mrs. Highwind: CID ! ARE YOU PLAYING LOUD MUSIC AGAIN ?
Cid: *sigh* No, mom.
Mrs: Highwind: Yes, you are ! Stop cross-dressing in that cape and come help me with my feet.
Cid: … D=
~ The End ~
That's it.
It's over.
You can go now.
Guys ? ... Uh oh.
((How was it for a first spork ?))