because I can't seem to find it deep within myself. no matter how hard i try. and i don't know if it's because my mind is so warped from believing that i will never be happy to a point where i will not let myself. i try to count my blessings... but then it always seems like the cons weigh out the pros. ugh.. i confuse myself...

FINALLY
i'm making a change.
a BIG change.
and it's for the better.

end of august - apartment hunting/ job hunting

end of september - goodbye NY

CALIFORNIA HERE I COME

i'm leaving for California in 6 days.
i am broke & i look like shit.
there's no way i am going from
beach to beach & bar to bar
with no money in my pockets
& looking the way i do.

for the next 6 days i will be disciplined & only participate in the folllowing activites:

• working as much as possible
• getting my hair cut
• going to bed early every ( Read more... )

wow. my life is really falling apart right now. i may seem a little over dramatic and i know that my life isn't literally falling apart but the amount of stress weighing on my heart right now is so intense to the extent in which i feel like i'm falling apart.

i have put so much of my vision and time and effort into this movie that i have to make for ( Read more... )

so alot of people have been letting me down lately and you know what?
its really starting to piss me off!

this is my last week of school and i have a film to hand in and my 2 main actresses DISAPPEARED!!!! today is the day of the filming... the day that everyone AGREED on... and now no one is following through! Now I'm going to fail this class ( Read more... )

I need the world to see me here - an elegant failure,
bent and broken - my every imperfection exposed.
I need the sun to shine on me and my pale composure-
my pupils dilate at the unfamiliar light as i shade my shame.
I need the sky to fall on me - rain and wind from all sides -
drench me, clean away my obscurities and dry my tears away.
I need a ( Read more... )

I hate it when I lose track of my thoughts and

Start to think about something that may be more important.

As I hold that new idea in the corner of my mind

And search for what I was so aloof to contemplate,

I suddenly become concerned over the thoughts

That I might lose if I don't stop thinking too much.

And I don't know if it's due to the complex persona ( Read more... )

THIS EVENING WAS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT AND A MEMORABLE EXPERIENCE THAT WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN :)


( Read more... )

this painting is lovely and accurately captures me in a nutshell


( Read more... )

who am i?
who are you?
who are we?
why are we?
who do i want to be?
do i want to be you?
am i happy with me?
i breathe the same air
we all share as one.
we connect - is it true?
you and i as one?
but the two of us are seperate.
i'm undone, evolving, inward and out.
growing into my own, inspired by you?
do i inspire you?
we're standing ( Read more... )