I NEED TO VENT
so alot of people have been letting me down lately and you know what?
its really starting to piss me off!
this is my last week of school and i have a film to hand in and my 2 main actresses DISAPPEARED!!!! today is the day of the filming... the day that everyone AGREED on... and now no one is following through! Now I'm going to fail this class because I was stupid and actually depended on other people.
On top of that all of my "friends" have fallen off the face of the planet. When i don't hear from my friends in a while it starts to upset me because amongst all the stress how come i can still pick up the phone to say hi or try to make fucking plans? Everyone is so supposedly busy and stressed out but i wish people would try living my life then they'de be in for a rude awakening. now i'm not bashing on anyone in particular.. i am just saying that isn't a little shady how people can talk to me on the phone one minute and say "oh ya let's do something tonight! i'll give you a call in a little bit!" and then NEVER CALL? and when i speak up for myself they either get defensive or they deny it.
I have realized that for the last 3 years that i have been miserably living on this island that i have searched and sought out family within my friends. i have tried so hard to be accepted. i have tried so hard to be loved and wanted. but the hard reality is that IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. people can say they are my friends but none of them practice true freindship on me and that's okay because i am not going to get my hopes up and expect anything from anyone anymore. i guess it's not their fault that some random annoying girl moved here her senior year and was a loner with no one to talk to. i guess it's not their fault that they have had the same friends since they were in kindergarten and i am just the outsider. i will never be considered a part of anyone or anything and i have to face the facts. i am done looking for strength in my friends. this is why i am always upset and miserable and stressed out.. because i look for love and happiness in all the wrong places and get rejected time after time.
i can't find my family in my friends... because friends come and go... i need to find family in my FAMILY (too bad that's all fucked up) The only choice i have left to make is to go home to california where i belong, where i am wanted, where i am loved... where the last little bit of only family remains...people i can DEPEND ON.
its really starting to piss me off!
this is my last week of school and i have a film to hand in and my 2 main actresses DISAPPEARED!!!! today is the day of the filming... the day that everyone AGREED on... and now no one is following through! Now I'm going to fail this class because I was stupid and actually depended on other people.
On top of that all of my "friends" have fallen off the face of the planet. When i don't hear from my friends in a while it starts to upset me because amongst all the stress how come i can still pick up the phone to say hi or try to make fucking plans? Everyone is so supposedly busy and stressed out but i wish people would try living my life then they'de be in for a rude awakening. now i'm not bashing on anyone in particular.. i am just saying that isn't a little shady how people can talk to me on the phone one minute and say "oh ya let's do something tonight! i'll give you a call in a little bit!" and then NEVER CALL? and when i speak up for myself they either get defensive or they deny it.
I have realized that for the last 3 years that i have been miserably living on this island that i have searched and sought out family within my friends. i have tried so hard to be accepted. i have tried so hard to be loved and wanted. but the hard reality is that IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. people can say they are my friends but none of them practice true freindship on me and that's okay because i am not going to get my hopes up and expect anything from anyone anymore. i guess it's not their fault that some random annoying girl moved here her senior year and was a loner with no one to talk to. i guess it's not their fault that they have had the same friends since they were in kindergarten and i am just the outsider. i will never be considered a part of anyone or anything and i have to face the facts. i am done looking for strength in my friends. this is why i am always upset and miserable and stressed out.. because i look for love and happiness in all the wrong places and get rejected time after time.
i can't find my family in my friends... because friends come and go... i need to find family in my FAMILY (too bad that's all fucked up) The only choice i have left to make is to go home to california where i belong, where i am wanted, where i am loved... where the last little bit of only family remains...people i can DEPEND ON.