I had terrible dreams last night that woke me up repeatedly. The worst one was when I found a tiny kitten that had been disemboweled, and I was trying to push its internal organs back into its body and figure out how to sew it up. I knew the kitten would be okay if I just did it right, but I didn't really know what I was doing, and the sight of the ( Read more... )

Trump is not Ernie. He doesn't live in the same house with me and cannot physically harm me.

I am not 6 years old. I have power and resources that I didn't have at that age.

I am not alone in this. I have support from numerous people who love me, especially Shannon, who *does* live in the same house with me ( Read more... )

There's a cat on my lap, so I can't go to bed yet. (There are complicated physics reasons for this, involving the inexplicable ability of a 5-pound cat to pin a 165-pound woman to a couch, apparently through strength of will alone, but I'm no physicist and so find myself simply baffled ... and pinned ( Read more... )

I've mentioned a couple of times recently that I've been getting some useful stuff out of the La Cheim groups regarding my trauma work, but I haven't wanted to get into it, because I'm already so exhausted all the time & it's even more exhausting to delve into those particular topics. I decided I want to write a bit tonight, though, about something ( Read more... )

Still exhausted all the time, partly due to med sedation (thanks, Depakote), but also (I'm sure) partly due to sheer emotional exertion. This journal entry is going to be disjointed, because I'm very tired and actually would prefer to be sleeping right now, but I also want to write some stuff down. I start to feel like things are slipping away when ( Read more... )

Coughing
I saw the pulmonologist today and was quite disappointed, as she didn't have a lot of useful stuff to offer. Her main advice was this: "Keep doing what you're doing, and eventually the coughing will stop, though it may take months." Yay? She also urged me to continue to minimize my physical activity, because anything that makes me breathe ( Read more... )

Headaches are severe daily again. Sigh. Going to see my primary care doc tomorrow to try to get a referral to acupuncture, and so I decided to write up a timeline to give her an overview of how things have progressed.

The Headaches That Ate My Brain
as of March 20, 2015

Timeline

• February 2014: First noticed frequency of headaches: often severe. ( Read more... )

Was on the bus this morning, on my way to Lisa's house, when a violent assault took place as we were passing through downtown Berkeley. A (possibly homeless) 40-ish black man became enraged over basically nothing & forcefully punched an older blind white man in the head. Granted, the blind man was being a bit of a dick (flipping the other guy off ( Read more... )

Realized this morning that I was bullied. I never thought of "bullying" as a concept that applied to my life, since I was such a quiet kid and no one ever noticed me enough to bother me in school, but this morning I realized that bullying is EXACTLY what Ernie did to me for 2+ years. He may not have been hitting me or raping me (as he did to others ( Read more... )

Wow. Stupid today. Couldn't (can't) think worth a damn. Had an acupuncture appt at noon & PT at 2 pm-was afraid to go out on my own-ended up asking Julia to give me a ride to acupuncture, and then she waited for me & drove me to PT, too (since she had an appt in that general vicinity at the same time as mine). She's an incredibly good friend ( Read more... )