I had terrible dreams last night that woke me up repeatedly. The worst one was when I found a tiny kitten that had been disemboweled, and I was trying to push its internal organs back into its body and figure out how to sew it up. I knew the kitten would be okay if I just did it right, but I didn't really know what I was doing, and the sight of the ( Read more... )

So scared about the election. I honestly feel like Ernie is following me everywhere I go, just waiting to smack me upside the head when I'm not looking.

I don't see my friend Peni very often, but she was my inspiration to dye my hair the first time & to continue trying, because she dyes her hair with really cool ombre effects & encouraged me to stop worrying about the mess and whether it would turn out "right" & just do it. This was November of last year. Anyway, she continues to have an interest ( Read more... )

Scary dreams about murderers last night. I mostly remember hiding from them. They were in the same house as me, and it was two different groups of disparately scary men who had joined together, like a motorcycle gang and the mafia or something, and they were hunting down all the people in the very large house (my family? my friends?) and killing ( Read more... )

Been feeling weird lately: withdrawn, upset, unhappy, and just exhausted by everything. On Tuesday in the art room, at a loss for what to work on, I turned to my old stand-by, the self-portrait, because it often helps me figure out what's going on inside when I'm having trouble putting things into words or even identifying what's happening. This ( Read more... )

I've been working a lot on my anxiety these past couple weeks. I reevaluated my plans for 2016 and decided that the war against anxiety is my highest priority, and so I've been devoting myself to it pretty heavily. I'm still going to CWC and the gym, but my biggest focus is on the anxiety ( Read more... )

I haven't written since we got home from Hawaii, primarily because I kept wanting to write an entry that included photos, but couldn't seem to get myself to deal with the photos on my iPod, on my camera, and in the file Shannon sent to me. Finally, I dealt with them all ... and now there's the uploading to LJ. It all just felt so exhausting ... and ( Read more... )

Was on the bus this morning, on my way to Lisa's house, when a violent assault took place as we were passing through downtown Berkeley. A (possibly homeless) 40-ish black man became enraged over basically nothing & forcefully punched an older blind white man in the head. Granted, the blind man was being a bit of a dick (flipping the other guy off ( Read more... )

Realized this morning that I was bullied. I never thought of "bullying" as a concept that applied to my life, since I was such a quiet kid and no one ever noticed me enough to bother me in school, but this morning I realized that bullying is EXACTLY what Ernie did to me for 2+ years. He may not have been hitting me or raping me (as he did to others ( Read more... )

Wow. Stupid today. Couldn't (can't) think worth a damn. Had an acupuncture appt at noon & PT at 2 pm-was afraid to go out on my own-ended up asking Julia to give me a ride to acupuncture, and then she waited for me & drove me to PT, too (since she had an appt in that general vicinity at the same time as mine). She's an incredibly good friend ( Read more... )