WALES the adventure Week 18---- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! <3

[kikyouluver]

Hello all!!!! Sorry I've been gone for a while traveling around the UK. Due to frequent lack of internet I was unable to update you on my progress. Due to the amount of traveling and occurrences.....well, I'll just stay with a light over view. Otherwise I'll have to cut this blog in two again...I hate doing that.

Song of the blog--- Walls (Trapt)

Spring Break:
3 weeks of the most emotional roller-coaster I've had in my life, probably. By the way, please excuse the typos and grammar mistakes now- as I am being lazy and not typing this in word or making too much of a natural effort. It's easier to type straight from the heart and memories when you throw accuracy to the wind. Anyway, roller coaster. It started out with, as many good trips do- stress. WE almost missed out train and Alberie had to quite literally jump on the train as it pulled out of the station. Now that I look back on it, it was a rather exciting movie moment in real life. We were forced to stay the night in Chester and while it turned out alright, we were NOT happy about a 90 minute layover turning into a 9 hour layover. I, of course, conveniently blame the internet. So we finally got to Ireland and spent our first night in a Hostel. Got to our trip and spent the week in a series of extremely nice hotels, traveling around probably the most beautiful landscape in the world, and eating some of the best food with some of the best people. I would not have traded the week for anything, and of course I met some extremely nice new friends of all ages. What better way to live your life? I got to learn what Irish coffee was all about, got to learn a little more about their history, and my favorite part- their legends. Beyond that I now have a new favorite joke, courtesy of our bus driver. My favorite memory was probably the Cliffs of Moher. Huge, black cliffs that plummet straight into the sea. Covering their tops is lush, green grass that contrasts the gray sky perfectly. I didn't think I would have the strength to leave those cliffs. It inspired me- that is for sure. Certainly for sure. One of the other good memories of Ireland was the night at the Bunratty Castle hotel. I somehow managed to miss the driver telling us that the mede was actually alcoholic and that they would refill your empty glass as much as you wished. It later came to bite me once I started drinking the no-end-to-the-refills on wine. Needless to say I was a little gone, especially at the pub later that evening where for the first time I was finally able to down an entire pint of Guinness. I almost died, but hey- it was worth it. I knew Scotland would have a hard time of topping Ireland. The first night in Edinburgh was fun up until after the ghost tour. First bad part of the night was that I had tripped and fallen over a loose stone and hit my side rather hard. So I got a kebab to make me feel better, but found I was having trouble eating it. So I when back to the hostel and put it in the fridge only to find I couldn't find my ipod. NO WAY IN HELL, was I going to be able to sleep with someone breathing in my ear without my ipod. I didn't want to wake the room by lugging my stuff into the hall and throwing it around to look for it, so I used a tiny reading light to see- which still wasn't enough to see. Some Spanish guy was the only one bothered by it, and even his girlfriend was sleeping fine through me- and I was being quiet. He persisted to wake up the entire room by turning on the main light and shouting at me to get into the hall and then when I got rather angry and snapped off the light much to the rest of the rooms happiness he shouted at me again with derogatory statements and then began to cuss me out in Spanish. Thank you Erica for teaching me half the words he used....and Geez, if you're going to cuss someone out either do it to their face or make sure they can't understand you first. It took every ounce of pride and self restraint I had to just roll my eyes at him and crawl back into bed- ipod less. He left moments later and slammed the door leaving the light on. I got up and turned it off. The room sighed and was asleep again- and I was heading in for the most restless night of my life, silently fighting back a flurry of angry tears. Exhaustion makes it easier to cry. Later that morning I went to retrieve the one beckon of hope in my dark day, my kebab. Im not kidding when I say my food is a lot of the time my favorite part of the day- and I go to get it only to find that someone had not only eaten it, but put the empty box and fork back in the exact same place. I have never felt fury rise in me so fast - EVER. I quickly left before I did something extremely stupid. I was in the street with my suitcases and ready to go when I found out I had left my phone there. In the end- the perfect FML moment was now complete with a cherry on top. Dont worry, Alberie was nice enough to go and retrieve the phone for me- since I was in a right state.



The rest of Scotland was cursed after that moment. I was particularly moody and indifferent. It didn't help that I was looking for a gift for a person I wasn't sure was even going to accept it. But when I want to give people things, I give it. Scotland had different but equally as gorgeous landscape. I found myself feeling as though I was constantly in a Lord of the Rings sequel film. -300 year in the future of Middle Earth. It was at least fun to follow the fantasy.The third and final Hostel was amazing and made up for every bad experience thus far. However, the last night in Edinburgh made me feel nothing by lonely and while we made some new friends while we went out on a pub crawl....I couldn't stop thinking how empty it all seemed to me. I would have much rather curled up with my book at that point. Drowning ones emotions in alcohol is never the smart answer, but can you blame me for trying stubbornly to have a good time? Maybe you can. Anyway I dont remember going home very well- just the fog and mist and for once sourly hoping i would turn into a thriller movie and I could spend the rest of my night running from a rabid vampire. no luck, and I woke up with an obscenely heavy hang over the next day. My fault, and I know it.....but now I've learned boys and girls, Alcohol NEVER solves your problems. Ever. So the next was Caroline's house. Already we were back to a good start. I almost cried seeing a familiar face. We spent the week having tea and picnics outside in the sun by the river near their house and we ate extremely well and filled ourselves with restful and peaceful joy. It was at this time I realized I would try my utmost to come back to Wales...soon. Maybe next summer, or spring break- but I knew I would never be able to keep myself away for too long. For once in my existence I was living it. Not just running around, staring from behind a screen- but living, breathing, and feeling. As painful as it could be, I didn't want to go back to avoiding emotion all together. Besides, it felt like home. London was just as fun and eventful as I remember it, and I had a blast dragging Jeffery around behind me. Poor guy had to deal with me getting him lost every five minutes we were left remotely alone. The Royal Wedding made me meet with the familiar green face of envy. It was the PERFECT fairytale wedding. Absolutely perfect. All my childhood dreams were simultaneously revived and I was reminded of the time I played with Barbies in my house- playing out my perfect dream life. Oh nostalgia! Well, after leaving with a mind full of elaborate schemes to nab the last royal bachelor and having had our faces on multiple news stations, I was beginning to feel very content about how Easter Break had gone. The best was traveling back to Carmarthen with a extremely full car; full of hearty luggage, full of people I love, and full of great music and awesome scenery. Easter Break was a success.

Monday: Was a bank holiday, and I think I spent most of the day sleeping. Pretty sure I spent a majority of it sleeping. I can't exactly remember what I did, although I'm positive it was mostly internet catch up. I was glad to have strong and steady internet. Even better was the longest day of the year event. I didn't go out till about  9pm, but I thoroughly enjoyed seeing everyone again. I have never before felt so inclined to glomp people in my life. If I could have taken the whole of Carmarthenshire with me on my trip- make no mistake, I would have. I was out of money, and thus sat tight with water. What a beautiful drink water is. I was still recovering from Edinburgh anyway.



Tuesday: First day of absurd (aptly named Blood Spurt). It was exciting to be back in school, although having just signed up for summer classes, I was glad this was more of a tutorial than an actual monotonous class. It was fun to roll around and move without much thought, although I have never been a big fan of absurd theater. I spend most of my day trying to make sense of things....not trying to makes things make no sense. It's difficult for me. But I was having fun anyway.  Some part of me missed my friends in the 3rd year. It had been like family during Oh What a Lovely War, and in a way...since I had yet to see any of them...it was like treasured people from my memories had vanished.

Wednesday: More absurd, and the more absurd it all got. HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT?! I don't understand the concept! Windows vs. Walls---- what is this madness?! Someone help me because I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall trying to figure this out. I get it, it's NOT supposed to make sense. BUT WHAT USE IS THAT?! gah!!!!!

Ahem. Dont get me wrong. I'm having a blast killing Ralph every day. (just kidding). But seriously, gets out a lot of pent up frustration and annoyance. I guess that is one good side to the class. I have a feeling by the time this is over though, I will be more then grateful for some order and peace. The day only got better when Jim gave us a two hour lecture on 'life' itself. I think my brain started to just turn to ashes. That night was fun, but I was so tired that I found myself sneaking away from the night to crawl into that glorious invention called bed. Now if Non would turn on the heaters I might actually be able to enjoy sleep.

Thursday: song and word day in absurd. Lots of fun! Movie day with Metropolis. Okay....I am not going to lie, I was glad when that film ended. I couldn't end my fascination with the fact the main guy had darker lips than anyone else in the movie. It looked creepy. That night Alberie and I went to spend some time with the Oh What a Lovely War cast again. We were rehearsing for the show on Saturday to raise money for two memorials to be erected. I could hardly contain how excited I was to be there. Seeing everyone, being with everyone- it was like a giant family reunion that I had been waiting for for months. I didn't even want to leave when it was over, staying longer to help Andy put away chairs and dance around.



Friday: hello absurd. I am ready to great you with a sunny disposition and a new day and you greet me with fear and violence. THERE IS A REASON I DONT LIKE YOU. Today was a rather interesting day of improve, and it was fun to have most the day to explore the concept of 'It's not about the dogs'. But really- it is, isn't it? I mean, no matter what we did, it would ultimately connect to the dogs. Granted, I was finally starting to get it. Emotion, not story, just raw emotion. How I got that? Well....being locked in a room with people slowly surrounding you and yelling at you.....it works wonders for learning the point behind absurd theater. wonders. Luckily I had a crying buddy in Karl. I was literally sobbing, and then I was spending the rest of the bleeding day overly embarrassed for my display.Jim later took us in to describe our projects. FINALLY, A SCRIPT. thats supposed to make sense right?!!! RIGHT?!...................................should have known better.

That night I was glad to head to the union for a couple of drinks. My nerves where frazzled and I was officially DONE with the week. I went to Aprils party first, enjoying the idea of hanging with my new class pals. It's nice to get to know everyone better and share  in the fun with them. Alberie and I drank shots together in order to keep me from being lame and to my great excitement...it was pouring outside. We spent a good while outside dancing in the rain. There is something oddly comforting about the way rain his you and runs down your face and arms. It was cold, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I love rain, and finally I got to do what I had been secretly longing to do since I first made attempts to come to this place-....dance until my stomach was sore from laughing so hard. I spent the rest of the night trying to make sure Alberie did NOT hold back just because I was there. She needed to have fun, and just because I royally screwed up- she didn't have to pity and follow me. As soon as she was with the person successfully, I took the chance to duck out of sight and back home. It inspired hope in me, seeing the way she ran to catch up with him, laughing. I gave what I'd been meaning to do for a month a try. Giving up and letting go...well I've never been good at it. Like hell I'm going to start now. However, I was going to have to give up for the night on trying to catch up with internet shenanigans. I spent the night shivering and coughing because of the rain dancing. NOW i know why people don't do that. I managed to fall asleep around 6am.

Saturday: I woke up around 3, having slept very little and forced myself into the shower. It was physically painful. I don't think I ever spent so much time glaring at a shower head in my life. Predictably, I got out quickly and ducked into my room to change and I was ready for the concert WELL before we had to leave. I had even put my wet hair up. Then came the attempts to get some food into my system. I spent more time staring at the cup of veggie soup than I did drinking it. I maybe got three good sips before pouring it out and calling is quits. Alberie and I ran out a little early and saw Ollie and Towen wearing nicer suit jackets. We exchanged glances before running back inside to grab a nicer set of clothing. We weren't dressed badly, but we still felt under dressed. Now we were late and found ourselves running towards the cars. We squished in the back with Andy, Towen getting the front because of his height. The drive was pleasant and oddly calming compared to the rather violent night I had had. I found myself feeling exhausted. I HAD MISSED Llansteffan. I really had. In all of Wales, it is my favorite place. I could smell the rain on the air too and was instantly set at ease by it. We rehearsed a bit - myself a bit focused on the splitting head ache i was having. Everyone then went to eat at the local pub, but because I had er....been unable to make the necessary meeting with an ATM I was unable to get something myself. So, skint and not really hungry anyway, I took the chance to wander around with Monty and Midd. Although we failed in our attempts to find an open chip shop, we had a nice walk with some rather beautiful scenery. It was nice and relaxing and like I've said- homey and family-esc. I was glad to be back with the guys. We soon returned to the group and Monty and I commenced eating the condiment packages on the table to curve our hunger. LET ME JUST SAY- plain ketchup is GROSS! I cringed away from trying anymore. Luckily Emma and Amy came to our rescue with left overs. Sadly, I had brought my Bloodspurt work so i could hopefully get a good crack at it but it was to no avail. We went back in to watch the show and wait for our own turn. I enjoyed the show and laughed extremely hard at the 'two little Welsh girls' song- at least when I wasn't asking Monty was they were saying half the time. Soon it was our turn and I had a blast being back up on the stage with everyone- well...more with everyone than actually back on the stage. I would have had just as much fun sitting with Andy pressing the play button. I laughed and enjoyed myself and didn't stop to think-....in just three weeks I would be going home, and all of this would be out of my reach, forever held with me but out of reach.



That night we went to Jacksons and Spread Eagle. The guard is getting used to me showing up with a passport now. I stuck to coke and water for my choice drinks of the evening. I had drunken WAY to much the night before. Coke helped the head ache, and after much pestering, a little hair of the dog helped the stomach. Water helped the exhaustion. It was a rather nice cure. Would someone mind telling me how much it would cost to dig up Carmarthen and bring it with me???  I had a blast. More of one, when I snuck out of spread to grab myself a kebab. Oh how good it was to have cash back in my pocket. Monty had lost his card to the same machine and I felt awful about it, but suddenly fearful to return to that same machine. I couldn't finish my kebab and so I sat outside Spread for a while, watching the rain. God, I really must thank you for giving me so much rain this week. I really appreciated it. It wasn't long until the gang was ready to leave and the few of us in Nikki's car bolted through the rain to get home. I went straight to bed and crashed, hard.

Sunday: YAY FINALLY!!! GOOD NIGHT SLEEP!!! I woke up actually feeling HAPPY. Today was wings day. I spent most of the morning watching Road to El Dorado and eating my kebab left overs in bed. It was actually very nice. I finally forced myself out into the air around 1pm and headed into town with Caroline, the sun shining on our backs. Admittedly, it was a gorgeous day. We managed to grab some subway and wander around for a bit before doing one stop shopping for all the supplies at Wilcos. (sp?) After which I raced to my hair appointment. In the time it took me to run from Wilkos to the hair place the sun had vanished and the rain had started. I found myself laughing at the bipolar weather. god bless it, seriously, god bless it. Caroline then returned home and started to work wire into wings. It was a lot harder then it looked online. Meanwhile my mom skyped me and happily reminded me that I had forgotten (unlike my dear twin sister) to wish her happy mothers day. Silly me-....I had even been reminded, twice. Oops. She also told me I should have a package- for which I found myself running to the porters lounge to pick up. I had multiple packages. I love my birthday. I went back and spent the rest of the day fighting wire, tights and paint to make a nice pair of wings for my party with Caroline. We had a lot of fun watching people come in and out of the kitchen with really confused looks on their faces. It was about 9pm when we finally finished and made rounds to show off. I was proud of my little dragon wings. I spent the next hour running around campus, desperate for a coke. What does a girl have to do to get a coke without a machine eating her money?!!

Monday (today):

Hello fun day. I had a brilliant dream. I would like to take the time to thank god for not only blessing me with two riveting dreams of awesomeness, but also for the gorgeous bipolar weather. It might not be just for my birthday, but there's no harm in saying so. The first dream included and elaborate dream of epic fairy tale proportions. I couldn't have been happier. I felt like singing a certain Cinderella song as I woke up at 6am to my friend skyping me. I attempted to stay awake and sound it as we spoke but eventually she let me off and I went back to sleep- this time dreaming of an action packed war zone. I could see the setting perfectly, I was crouched behind a terrace on a bridge over a swamp dock. A helocopter was shooting at my comrades, but I was lucky enough to be behind so many obstacles that it couldn't shoot me directly. I felt no fear in the dream, just adrenaline. I saw my sister get shot behind me and I was lucky to find someone to take her back to saftey via the boat docks under the bridge. However, I had to stay behind and fight. Christ, where was the fear? I felt so bad ass when I finally woke up. Slinking off to breakfast I managed to eat something in my tired state. Alberie looked happy and it made my mood brighten a bit as well. I met with my group at 11 and everything seemed to go perfectly with plans for the big project. Exciting thus far. I headed back to my room to take a nap and found that it only made me more tired- figures. With a head ache I finally forced myself t get back up and  head to the Holywell to grab myself a treat lunch. Just a note, because there is a slight possibility this person is reading this- news flash, I saw you, and yes...I kept my back turned so you could exit quietly- but also note you made me laugh considerably afterwords. It was cute at least, and I can appreciate it. But I did see you. I treated myself to a vegetable potato which tasted ten times better than it looked and have since been sitting in my room typing this thing. Good Birthday so far? If this is the way to say good by to the teen years, I'd say it sums it up pretty well.



Live with vivid dreams and determination, work hard and dont let illness take you down, watch as love flits in and out of your view with strength and gratefulness, let the weather inspire you and let the scenery entrance you, ...most importantly, let a good movie and some good food fill you up with the simple happiness that life always has to offer. Thanks everyone for the Birthday Wishes, they mean the world to me. And I would trade none of you, and give up none of you for anything. You will forever be in my life, and even longer in my heart.

Stefani.