defending emotion..... again

[kiggity]

there's this shadow over everything.
and I feel so guilty all that time.

i find that I'm thinking about Brian all the time.
Mostly it's just memories,
of a conversation we once had,
a drive we took together,
or even one of those many nights spent hacking in the parking lot of the horn.
Then I stop in mid-thought, to remind myself that he's gone. like I'm a kid again
gone and never coming back.
But then the guilt comes.
do I really deserve my grief?
In the lager view of things, I barely knew him.
I find I struggel with this thought alot. Is it okay for me to feel the way I feel?
Why do I feel so much guilt?

Yet in my own way I did know Brian,
and he did touch my life, and change me, I am a better person for knowing him, even if that also ment losing him.

some days this can just be too much to bare all alone.

if I keep moving i wont think so much.
just keep moving...