Oh dear God, WHY?!
Leon Todd: The Demon Barber of London
Note: Written by the same person who did "The Kingdom Below", which got sporked over at snakesonasora.
Dear Author:
...Okay. I thought that KH fanfiction couldn't get any worse. I was clearly wrong.
Where to even start with the problems with this...
First, the BLATANT OOC. I understand that you're trying to go with your OTPs here, but even so, you went about casting the characters in the completely wrong roles. You could have preserved your OTPs even if you had changed around who the characters were cast as. Most notably, if you had to cast anyone in Todd's role, I would see Axel fitting the role far better than Squeon, and it would be a far damn better sight than his playing the naive, lovesick Anthony. And that way, characters could have at least had a minimal chance at being remotely in character, instead of the gangraped versions you're presenting here. (Though I will admit that Saix was a good choice for Beadle.)
Second off, the fact that you're more or less ripping off Sweeney Todd. I wouldn't have an issue with this, except for the fact that the fic is more or less the movie word for word, save with name changes, which just shows a complete lack of creativity and effort on your end. I don't know whether or not to be disgusted or thankful that you chose not to go with a musical version, though you're more or less having them speak the songs. But you could have AT LEAST adapted the script to mention the fact that the cast is now all male, not to mention the fact that "wife" in reference to Cloud just does NOT make sense, unless you gave him a sex change or made him a hermaphrodite. Most notably, Turpin/Xemnas's geisha speech seems completely out of place here, as it refers to FEMALES and not MALES (yes, there are specific words for male prostitutes in every culture, look it up), which would have fit the context of the story far better.
I'm not even going to go into my issues with mpreg and the absolute lack of explanation you give for it even existing, because I know that they're going to fall on deaf ears. However, I will say this:
Please, for the love of God, don't follow the Lovett/Todd hints, because incest just does have any place in the movie OR in the original musical (if you're even planning on GOING for faithfulness to the original). ...And I just read your warnings, and yes, you are planning to go there. /facedesk
And no, Sora in a dress does not always equal epic lulz. Mainly because that joke's been whored to DEATH.
(For the record, I have nothing against yaoi. I just have a thing against poorly-written characterization-raping yaoi.)
This begs for a sporking. Would someone with more experience/talent than me be willing to take it on?
Note: Written by the same person who did "The Kingdom Below", which got sporked over at snakesonasora.
Dear Author:
...Okay. I thought that KH fanfiction couldn't get any worse. I was clearly wrong.
Where to even start with the problems with this...
First, the BLATANT OOC. I understand that you're trying to go with your OTPs here, but even so, you went about casting the characters in the completely wrong roles. You could have preserved your OTPs even if you had changed around who the characters were cast as. Most notably, if you had to cast anyone in Todd's role, I would see Axel fitting the role far better than Squeon, and it would be a far damn better sight than his playing the naive, lovesick Anthony. And that way, characters could have at least had a minimal chance at being remotely in character, instead of the gangraped versions you're presenting here. (Though I will admit that Saix was a good choice for Beadle.)
Second off, the fact that you're more or less ripping off Sweeney Todd. I wouldn't have an issue with this, except for the fact that the fic is more or less the movie word for word, save with name changes, which just shows a complete lack of creativity and effort on your end. I don't know whether or not to be disgusted or thankful that you chose not to go with a musical version, though you're more or less having them speak the songs. But you could have AT LEAST adapted the script to mention the fact that the cast is now all male, not to mention the fact that "wife" in reference to Cloud just does NOT make sense, unless you gave him a sex change or made him a hermaphrodite. Most notably, Turpin/Xemnas's geisha speech seems completely out of place here, as it refers to FEMALES and not MALES (yes, there are specific words for male prostitutes in every culture, look it up), which would have fit the context of the story far better.
I'm not even going to go into my issues with mpreg and the absolute lack of explanation you give for it even existing, because I know that they're going to fall on deaf ears. However, I will say this:
Please, for the love of God, don't follow the Lovett/Todd hints, because incest just does have any place in the movie OR in the original musical (if you're even planning on GOING for faithfulness to the original). ...And I just read your warnings, and yes, you are planning to go there. /facedesk
And no, Sora in a dress does not always equal epic lulz. Mainly because that joke's been whored to DEATH.
(For the record, I have nothing against yaoi. I just have a thing against poorly-written characterization-raping yaoi.)
This begs for a sporking. Would someone with more experience/talent than me be willing to take it on?