nags, worries and concerns
I've been feeling kinda down lately and I don't really know why. I know I'm supposed to start soon, but I don't know if I get pms whilst on the pill. I don't know why I would... but I don't know why I wouldn't.
Things that have been bothering me include not knowing whether I'm actually easier to deal with (i.e. not as much of a bitch) since I started my diet, or if people I see regularly haven't really noticed a change. I mean, I have and I like myself a lot more now that the sugar and wheat are gone -- minus the whining about not being able to have it, of course, but I no longer walk around with a scowl on my face constantly. I just can't tell if I'm any easier to get along with.
I'm getting calls from student loan people about not paying. I finally went last night to the website and applied for a forbearance, which will be processed in the next 5-7 days. I know I need to call them and let them know that A) my last name is W-- not F-- and that I've applied for a forbearance so please don't put my loan in default and please stop calling me. I have no money. I have no income. I *might* have a work permit in January, but work is not guaranteed. Just leave me alone. I'll pay when I can but that isn't right now.
At least I'm not nearly as worried about being able to pay the debts I have once I DO have a job. Lynxie put it into perspective for me last night when she mentioned what she made at the gallery per month while working part time. I am relieved of that concern, but I'm still worried about not being able to *find* a job I'll be able to stick with.
And then there's all this other stuff welling up inside concerning babies and pregnancy and I'm worried that it won't happen when I want it to, or that it will happen because I want it to whether we're ready for it or not. I want to have my first before I turn 30 (for personal reasons), but that means that I'll have to start trying about a year from now and while I'm all for it in theory, the finances will likely not be in order then (or even close enough), and I don't know if L and N will be emotionally ready (hell, or me!), and I just don't know what else. I'm scared and fretful and trying not to panic, and I want is some quality discussion time with my loves to try and figure this out so I don't randomly spaz out on people, but everything's been so busy lately! I feel like I'm on the go nonstop and haven't had any substantial alone time with either of them. :(
And then there are birthday worries, too. Like nobody's gonna want to see me because I've been too much of a bitch or my birthday just happens to be when people are either out of town entirely or have made other plans. And it's not like I can enjoy traditional celebratory things like alcohol and normal birthday cake. And while I really want money towards my next tattoo, I'm even more wanty about storage solutions from Ikea because if I have a happy, organized home, then the voices in my head are quieter. Plus, we're severely lacking storage space. We don't have enough room to put away things.
Why the fuck am I feeling So Needy??! Gah! Very annoying.
Things that have been bothering me include not knowing whether I'm actually easier to deal with (i.e. not as much of a bitch) since I started my diet, or if people I see regularly haven't really noticed a change. I mean, I have and I like myself a lot more now that the sugar and wheat are gone -- minus the whining about not being able to have it, of course, but I no longer walk around with a scowl on my face constantly. I just can't tell if I'm any easier to get along with.
I'm getting calls from student loan people about not paying. I finally went last night to the website and applied for a forbearance, which will be processed in the next 5-7 days. I know I need to call them and let them know that A) my last name is W-- not F-- and that I've applied for a forbearance so please don't put my loan in default and please stop calling me. I have no money. I have no income. I *might* have a work permit in January, but work is not guaranteed. Just leave me alone. I'll pay when I can but that isn't right now.
At least I'm not nearly as worried about being able to pay the debts I have once I DO have a job. Lynxie put it into perspective for me last night when she mentioned what she made at the gallery per month while working part time. I am relieved of that concern, but I'm still worried about not being able to *find* a job I'll be able to stick with.
And then there's all this other stuff welling up inside concerning babies and pregnancy and I'm worried that it won't happen when I want it to, or that it will happen because I want it to whether we're ready for it or not. I want to have my first before I turn 30 (for personal reasons), but that means that I'll have to start trying about a year from now and while I'm all for it in theory, the finances will likely not be in order then (or even close enough), and I don't know if L and N will be emotionally ready (hell, or me!), and I just don't know what else. I'm scared and fretful and trying not to panic, and I want is some quality discussion time with my loves to try and figure this out so I don't randomly spaz out on people, but everything's been so busy lately! I feel like I'm on the go nonstop and haven't had any substantial alone time with either of them. :(
And then there are birthday worries, too. Like nobody's gonna want to see me because I've been too much of a bitch or my birthday just happens to be when people are either out of town entirely or have made other plans. And it's not like I can enjoy traditional celebratory things like alcohol and normal birthday cake. And while I really want money towards my next tattoo, I'm even more wanty about storage solutions from Ikea because if I have a happy, organized home, then the voices in my head are quieter. Plus, we're severely lacking storage space. We don't have enough room to put away things.
Why the fuck am I feeling So Needy??! Gah! Very annoying.