(no subject)
So I have been quietly grumbling about AVEN to friends and some people on the internet for ages ever since I started avoiding it due to awfulness about two years ago. Now I discover that there were some posts in July that picked up the same topic, even linked on the AVEN forums, and another group of posts seem to have popped up over the last few days, *and* apparently there was a big blow-up on AVEN a few months ago that sort of embodied the different worries people were having that led to other communities being created and a lot of discussion which I had no idea of due to, y'know, boycott. So. Wow. And more wow. And I don't think I'm going to be getting much work done today.
am feeling highly frustrated because I want to engage in the recent stuff but not really feeling up to it at the moment. blargh. Maybe later today.
One interesting thing: there's some discussion about antisexuality and, in particular, antisexual attitudes as a sort of "detox" phase that asexual people, particularly repulsed asexuals but also others, go through when finding the asexual community - because a lot of these people have had really horrible experiences to do with sex, have been pressured into sexual experiences they didn't want, and for the first time are in a community where there are other people who think sex isn't all that. Which, yeah, I was a bit like this myself - I don't remember talking about it but I do remember working through some rather antisexual attitudes when I was younger, and it was really only participating in an asexual community that let me let go of them. This is a complicated thing and possibly deserves a post on its own, because this is not what I'm actually interested in talking about right now. My main point of interest is that a lot of the people I see talking about this are like "yeah, I had these attitudes myself but I'm sex-positive now" and talk about sex-positivism as a good thing for being a well-adjusted asexual and something we want in our asexual spaces and...
...this is extremely interesting for me to read as someone who went through an antisexuality phase, got through it, started identifying as sex-positive... and then stopped because of anti-asexuality in the sex-positive community. And now has some criticisms to make of the sex-positive community, how it treats asexuals, how it treats asexuality, how this is a sign of more general problems with how it treats low sexual desire and related issues, its focus... and also how it feels like the label "sex-positive" is being used among asexuals as a sign that *you're* not one of the weird antisex people, you're sex-positive! you think sex is fine and good and dandy provided people are willing to leave you alone with it! you think it can be a wonderful amazing empowering experience for people not you! You're a Good Asexual, see?*
It occurs to me that although I was getting the pressure right, I was getting the place it's coming from wrong - the pressure to id as sex-positive and write odes about how amazing sex can be for non-asexuals isn't coming from sex-positivism, it's coming from within the asexual community.
Interesting.
*I am more and more coming to the conclusion that rather than waxing rhapsodic about sex - which is frankly bizarre considering that I am repulsed, yes? please tell me other people can see the weirdness - my answer to the question of "but what do you think about sex for sexual people?" should be that what informed-consenting adults get up to in their spare time is none of my fucking business.
ETA: oh yeah and something that is ALSO going on is a conversation about the intersection of being asexual and on the autistic spectrum, which omg omg I want to have this conversation so much and really I am trying to incorporate so much new information right now it feels as if my brain is coming out of my ears. /o\ Am trying to talk myself out of volunteering to organise an Asexual+Autistic blog carnival because lololol I suck at organising things but oh my god I want to see people talk about this and be involved in this.
am feeling highly frustrated because I want to engage in the recent stuff but not really feeling up to it at the moment. blargh. Maybe later today.
One interesting thing: there's some discussion about antisexuality and, in particular, antisexual attitudes as a sort of "detox" phase that asexual people, particularly repulsed asexuals but also others, go through when finding the asexual community - because a lot of these people have had really horrible experiences to do with sex, have been pressured into sexual experiences they didn't want, and for the first time are in a community where there are other people who think sex isn't all that. Which, yeah, I was a bit like this myself - I don't remember talking about it but I do remember working through some rather antisexual attitudes when I was younger, and it was really only participating in an asexual community that let me let go of them. This is a complicated thing and possibly deserves a post on its own, because this is not what I'm actually interested in talking about right now. My main point of interest is that a lot of the people I see talking about this are like "yeah, I had these attitudes myself but I'm sex-positive now" and talk about sex-positivism as a good thing for being a well-adjusted asexual and something we want in our asexual spaces and...
...this is extremely interesting for me to read as someone who went through an antisexuality phase, got through it, started identifying as sex-positive... and then stopped because of anti-asexuality in the sex-positive community. And now has some criticisms to make of the sex-positive community, how it treats asexuals, how it treats asexuality, how this is a sign of more general problems with how it treats low sexual desire and related issues, its focus... and also how it feels like the label "sex-positive" is being used among asexuals as a sign that *you're* not one of the weird antisex people, you're sex-positive! you think sex is fine and good and dandy provided people are willing to leave you alone with it! you think it can be a wonderful amazing empowering experience for people not you! You're a Good Asexual, see?*
It occurs to me that although I was getting the pressure right, I was getting the place it's coming from wrong - the pressure to id as sex-positive and write odes about how amazing sex can be for non-asexuals isn't coming from sex-positivism, it's coming from within the asexual community.
Interesting.
*I am more and more coming to the conclusion that rather than waxing rhapsodic about sex - which is frankly bizarre considering that I am repulsed, yes? please tell me other people can see the weirdness - my answer to the question of "but what do you think about sex for sexual people?" should be that what informed-consenting adults get up to in their spare time is none of my fucking business.
ETA: oh yeah and something that is ALSO going on is a conversation about the intersection of being asexual and on the autistic spectrum, which omg omg I want to have this conversation so much and really I am trying to incorporate so much new information right now it feels as if my brain is coming out of my ears. /o\ Am trying to talk myself out of volunteering to organise an Asexual+Autistic blog carnival because lololol I suck at organising things but oh my god I want to see people talk about this and be involved in this.