/o\ ^£*$£@!$ avoidance behaviour
was talking with someone about St. Nicholas' Day, which is today. I mentioned that because I'm, you know, a solitary German in a country that doesn't celebrate it I didn't do anything but when I was living with my parents we'd put out a paper plate (filled with candy overnight) and a shoe (not filled with candy on hygiene grounds, but my parents would usually put a small gift in - e.g. a book or something.) Explaining this I found myself wondering - why did I say "shoe"? You put out a boot, not just any old shoe.
And then I realised I'd said "shoe" because I would have stuttered on "boot". /o\ Y hallo thar, avoidance behaviours, I didn't even realise I HAD YOU. For the fluent, avoidance behaviours can get much nastier than this (e.g. pretending you don't know an answer to a question someone asks you because you'd stutter, changing things in your life in order to avoid needing to speak) and even the minor ones often go hand-in-hand with trying to pass as fluent and everything I have just mentioned can REALLY REALLY fuck with your mental health. Dropping avoidance behaviours is a huge part of stuttering acceptance *and* gets talked about in most serious stuttering therapies I know. Which is a long-winded to say that the fact that I'm apparently doing word substitutions without realising is NOT A GOOD THING. /o\ /o\ /o\ I am going to have to keep an eye on this.
The especially ridiculous thing about all of this is that because of various issues I have about being perceived as fluent etc. I've actually found myself much happier afterwards if I stutter in a conversation. So I'm actually shooting myself in the foot with all this as well.
(For the linguistically interested: my main blocks these days are on oral stops - p, b, t, d, k, g, a change from vowels. Actually, it's possible that I still have my monster blocks on vowels, but vowels are one thing where a bit speech therapy's stuck around - I've essentially altered my speech via removing the glottal stops from in front of all my vowels (always having them is actually a German thing, but it was part of my English even before I mutilated my accent) and as a result permanently altered the way I stutter on vowels. Nowadays I just end up pausing, but I'm not really sure what would happen if I tried reinserting the glottal stops. Speech therapy on oral stops isn't so easy, however, and that's sort of died on me, hence the blocks.)
And then I realised I'd said "shoe" because I would have stuttered on "boot". /o\ Y hallo thar, avoidance behaviours, I didn't even realise I HAD YOU. For the fluent, avoidance behaviours can get much nastier than this (e.g. pretending you don't know an answer to a question someone asks you because you'd stutter, changing things in your life in order to avoid needing to speak) and even the minor ones often go hand-in-hand with trying to pass as fluent and everything I have just mentioned can REALLY REALLY fuck with your mental health. Dropping avoidance behaviours is a huge part of stuttering acceptance *and* gets talked about in most serious stuttering therapies I know. Which is a long-winded to say that the fact that I'm apparently doing word substitutions without realising is NOT A GOOD THING. /o\ /o\ /o\ I am going to have to keep an eye on this.
The especially ridiculous thing about all of this is that because of various issues I have about being perceived as fluent etc. I've actually found myself much happier afterwards if I stutter in a conversation. So I'm actually shooting myself in the foot with all this as well.
(For the linguistically interested: my main blocks these days are on oral stops - p, b, t, d, k, g, a change from vowels. Actually, it's possible that I still have my monster blocks on vowels, but vowels are one thing where a bit speech therapy's stuck around - I've essentially altered my speech via removing the glottal stops from in front of all my vowels (always having them is actually a German thing, but it was part of my English even before I mutilated my accent) and as a result permanently altered the way I stutter on vowels. Nowadays I just end up pausing, but I'm not really sure what would happen if I tried reinserting the glottal stops. Speech therapy on oral stops isn't so easy, however, and that's sort of died on me, hence the blocks.)