Saying Goodbye
Yesterday was a hard day. Spent my last couple hours with Jasmine. Then drove to the vet and stayed in car with her for about 20 min. It was really hard saying goodbye to a family memeber. I didn't go into the vet, I couldn't. Luckily Z was more than willing to help out. He took it pretty hard as well. When he came back to the car with Jasmine I couldn't look at the kenal in the backseat. Z seemed to be having a really hard time as well. As soon as I heard the car door open I broke down again after just having calmed myself down.
I found a spot in grandma's yard and Z dug a whole. I put Jasmine's favorite bear in the grave with her. I know it's not something she can have but it made me feel a lot better.
Z thought that even though he knew I wanted to get home to Kylie, he figure we should go out for a little bit. Get some food and drinks. Neither of us really had much of an appetite but we got some sampler items and shared them. I had a only 2 drinks and that put me way over the edge. Numbed the pain nicely until we walked in the front door. First thing I did was find kylie. When I found her I just sat on the bed holding her and crying. Kylie stayed on the bed with us and Z did his best to comfort me. My friends that know me, Jasmine and the situation have been very supportive.. well. most of them. Specially yesterday. Managed to fall asleep before 10, for me that's a miracle. Then again, I'd had alcohol and several emotionally draining days/nights.
This morning after Z left I wasn't wanting to get out of bed. Kylie started crying from the time Z left until about 10:30. Then she decided to lay in my computer chair and sleep for about an hour. I've been trying to give her lots of extra attention. I kow she's looking for Jasmine. She keeps going to every door in the house and crying at it until I open it up. *sigh*
A friend of mine wanted me to go out and help her some more with her driving but I told her I really didn't feel up to it. I think I'd rather just stay with Kylie for now. Maybe tomorrow. I talked to Kelli last night, she gave me Jasmine on halloween night almost 4 yrs ago. She told me that she understood my pain but felt that from what research we have that I made the best choice. My friend Nicci mentioned that I should wait too long to get another kitty. Because of Kylie, I may need to get one pretty quick. Not sure if i'm ready for that just yet but we shall see. Kylie gets really depressed when she's by herself. Thinking of getting a kitty that's about a yr old, but we shall see what happends. I guess in some way I feel that if I get one too soon that i'm just trying to replace Jas but on the other hand it might be what's better for Kylie. I'm stil very upset with justin, but as a mutual friend of mine reminded me he's also hurting and doesn't deal with it very well. I understnad that, but lashing out on me bringing up the past and calling me names does not help me either. I'm sorry he doesn't understand but I had to do what I thought was best for her.
One day at a time.
I found a spot in grandma's yard and Z dug a whole. I put Jasmine's favorite bear in the grave with her. I know it's not something she can have but it made me feel a lot better.
Z thought that even though he knew I wanted to get home to Kylie, he figure we should go out for a little bit. Get some food and drinks. Neither of us really had much of an appetite but we got some sampler items and shared them. I had a only 2 drinks and that put me way over the edge. Numbed the pain nicely until we walked in the front door. First thing I did was find kylie. When I found her I just sat on the bed holding her and crying. Kylie stayed on the bed with us and Z did his best to comfort me. My friends that know me, Jasmine and the situation have been very supportive.. well. most of them. Specially yesterday. Managed to fall asleep before 10, for me that's a miracle. Then again, I'd had alcohol and several emotionally draining days/nights.
This morning after Z left I wasn't wanting to get out of bed. Kylie started crying from the time Z left until about 10:30. Then she decided to lay in my computer chair and sleep for about an hour. I've been trying to give her lots of extra attention. I kow she's looking for Jasmine. She keeps going to every door in the house and crying at it until I open it up. *sigh*
A friend of mine wanted me to go out and help her some more with her driving but I told her I really didn't feel up to it. I think I'd rather just stay with Kylie for now. Maybe tomorrow. I talked to Kelli last night, she gave me Jasmine on halloween night almost 4 yrs ago. She told me that she understood my pain but felt that from what research we have that I made the best choice. My friend Nicci mentioned that I should wait too long to get another kitty. Because of Kylie, I may need to get one pretty quick. Not sure if i'm ready for that just yet but we shall see. Kylie gets really depressed when she's by herself. Thinking of getting a kitty that's about a yr old, but we shall see what happends. I guess in some way I feel that if I get one too soon that i'm just trying to replace Jas but on the other hand it might be what's better for Kylie. I'm stil very upset with justin, but as a mutual friend of mine reminded me he's also hurting and doesn't deal with it very well. I understnad that, but lashing out on me bringing up the past and calling me names does not help me either. I'm sorry he doesn't understand but I had to do what I thought was best for her.
One day at a time.