Parents, or the lack thereof
Yesterday,(7/26) my dad would have turned 61.
Today (7/27) was the 19th anniversary of my mom's death.
I miss my dad a lot. I will not ever stop. As for my mom, I miss her more this year than I think I ever have, really. Its a bit weird, 19 years is a long time. I don't miss her so much as I do the idea of her. I don't remember enough about her to miss her, sadly. But seeing everyone around me traveling and "calling home" or "gotta call mom" ... it's a little reminder. A reminder that the only blood family member that seems to give 2 shits about me is my sister. Not that I am alone by far. Not at all. I have countless people in my life who love me and nearly make up for those who are no longer here with us.
I was talking to my friend Meg before I left, whose dad just died a few months ago. It's hard to give her advice that will help or even make her feel better. Day to day, things get easier. You get used to them not being there. You gradually stop referencing them in your normal conversation. You will stop thinking about except on special days and when your mind is quiet - like at night, or on the bus or train. You don't forget about them, you don't stop missing them, but you get used to it. Holidays? Forget about it. Especially the first few years. Their birthdays? You just try not to think about it. Send up a birthday wish, and move on. But it's hard. The anniversary of the day they died? Try to do something memorable. Not to forget about them, but to reclaim the day with positive memories. Do whatever it is that you chose to do in their memory, and think of that when you think of them - especially on that day.
So today I went to Capri. I jumped off a really fucking high rock, and thought about my dad - who always seemed a bit fearless. And I thought about my mom in the boat on the way back. I dont really think she ever got to travel - and so , here I am. Treaveling. For me and for her. I think they would have loved it in Capri.
Today (7/27) was the 19th anniversary of my mom's death.
I miss my dad a lot. I will not ever stop. As for my mom, I miss her more this year than I think I ever have, really. Its a bit weird, 19 years is a long time. I don't miss her so much as I do the idea of her. I don't remember enough about her to miss her, sadly. But seeing everyone around me traveling and "calling home" or "gotta call mom" ... it's a little reminder. A reminder that the only blood family member that seems to give 2 shits about me is my sister. Not that I am alone by far. Not at all. I have countless people in my life who love me and nearly make up for those who are no longer here with us.
I was talking to my friend Meg before I left, whose dad just died a few months ago. It's hard to give her advice that will help or even make her feel better. Day to day, things get easier. You get used to them not being there. You gradually stop referencing them in your normal conversation. You will stop thinking about except on special days and when your mind is quiet - like at night, or on the bus or train. You don't forget about them, you don't stop missing them, but you get used to it. Holidays? Forget about it. Especially the first few years. Their birthdays? You just try not to think about it. Send up a birthday wish, and move on. But it's hard. The anniversary of the day they died? Try to do something memorable. Not to forget about them, but to reclaim the day with positive memories. Do whatever it is that you chose to do in their memory, and think of that when you think of them - especially on that day.
So today I went to Capri. I jumped off a really fucking high rock, and thought about my dad - who always seemed a bit fearless. And I thought about my mom in the boat on the way back. I dont really think she ever got to travel - and so , here I am. Treaveling. For me and for her. I think they would have loved it in Capri.