Friday...
Well here it is. My Last "DAY OFF" for a long time. I seriously went from feeling complete PANIC at the thought of not having a job to DREAD about going back. I really, really dont want to go. I hope that when Im there I change my mind. I just feel like Ive been able to better manage stuff at home and kids and feel more like myself without having work get in the way or add to my stress.
Things with Kason are so overwhelming that Im choosing not to think about them. Im just going to show up at the appointments, take things with a grain of salt and try not to get too upset. I need to take my emotions out of it. Its not good for him or myself to get so upset all the time. Im also trying to not beat myself up over the fact that I cant handle BOTH kids at the same time and make sure they learn everything they need to. I hate that Declan is a bit behind but maybe it will be okay in the long run. Maybe it will mean free pre-k for him too and maybe he'll get caught up then. Im not sayng im going to slack on teaching and guiding them. Im just saying i can only do what I'm doing.
I think walking and exercising has been a huge help in how im surviving mentally. The old me would still be in breakdown mode after wed night. But Ive been moving and my body feels stronger and I think my brain does too. I am doing horrible at keeping the calories low so the weight isnt going to fly off like I want it to. But whatever. Slow and steady wins the race and at least im moving so I shouldnt gain!
Things have been okay friends wise. Crystal and I have been doing AWESOME since we hung out last week. We text daily about weight loss and try to keep each other eating healthy and moving. and we're back to our deep convos about life like before. Yeay! Jess, Kim and I will go out for a drink or two tonight as usual. :) Ive seen Kim twice since she came home. Yesterday we did a fun 2 hour play date at her house. I also saw Lauren 2 weeks in a row and while its been just okay (shes super selfish) I have to say I enjoy her company. Also, on Wed when K had a major breakdown I got a bunch of emails from girls on the board. I spent 2 hours writing back. It does seem a few people really do want to start a friendship with me. I realized ive been holding back and I dont want to. I know im busy but I need to put more effort into new people so I dont feel as bad when my 3 friends are busy or caught up in their own crap.
OOOOH and as long as K does okay on his meds today/tomorrow --- my mom is watching the boys tomorrow night so we can have a date night! It may in fact be a double date which would be super awesome!
Now that I'm caught up Im going to do a seperate post about the Becca/Disney Drama. :)
Things with Kason are so overwhelming that Im choosing not to think about them. Im just going to show up at the appointments, take things with a grain of salt and try not to get too upset. I need to take my emotions out of it. Its not good for him or myself to get so upset all the time. Im also trying to not beat myself up over the fact that I cant handle BOTH kids at the same time and make sure they learn everything they need to. I hate that Declan is a bit behind but maybe it will be okay in the long run. Maybe it will mean free pre-k for him too and maybe he'll get caught up then. Im not sayng im going to slack on teaching and guiding them. Im just saying i can only do what I'm doing.
I think walking and exercising has been a huge help in how im surviving mentally. The old me would still be in breakdown mode after wed night. But Ive been moving and my body feels stronger and I think my brain does too. I am doing horrible at keeping the calories low so the weight isnt going to fly off like I want it to. But whatever. Slow and steady wins the race and at least im moving so I shouldnt gain!
Things have been okay friends wise. Crystal and I have been doing AWESOME since we hung out last week. We text daily about weight loss and try to keep each other eating healthy and moving. and we're back to our deep convos about life like before. Yeay! Jess, Kim and I will go out for a drink or two tonight as usual. :) Ive seen Kim twice since she came home. Yesterday we did a fun 2 hour play date at her house. I also saw Lauren 2 weeks in a row and while its been just okay (shes super selfish) I have to say I enjoy her company. Also, on Wed when K had a major breakdown I got a bunch of emails from girls on the board. I spent 2 hours writing back. It does seem a few people really do want to start a friendship with me. I realized ive been holding back and I dont want to. I know im busy but I need to put more effort into new people so I dont feel as bad when my 3 friends are busy or caught up in their own crap.
OOOOH and as long as K does okay on his meds today/tomorrow --- my mom is watching the boys tomorrow night so we can have a date night! It may in fact be a double date which would be super awesome!
Now that I'm caught up Im going to do a seperate post about the Becca/Disney Drama. :)