Expectations
Maybe my expectations were too high for my marriage. I didn't think I expected that much. But I did want a wedding. I did want someone who would dance with me. I did want someone who liked my friends. I wanted romance. I wanted to feel appreciated. But I think, in the end, they are what I wanted. He wasn't that person. I don't think I ever made him feel bad.. but maybe I did.
I wasn't fully honest. I didn't say, this is important to me. So in the end, the only person I can be mad at is me. These things mattered. I should be able to say to my life partner, these things mean something to me. If you're not on the same page, than we aren't meant to be together.
I have given up most of my expectations when it comes to friendships and family. Mostly because I'm older now and I realize people are who they are. Some people call/text. Some people don't. Some people I won't hear from for weeks, but they eventually make an effort if I don't first. I want these relationships, so I work for them, even when people don't respond. I have to go in with no expectations.
I finally called the therapist I found back. Hopefully we can set up a call this coming week so I can figure out if we're a match. I'll be back in Colorado on the 28th. I have an airline ticket, so that's a for sure unless there's weather or all of the TSA quits.
For now, I've been working out at least every other day. I'm eating healthier than I have. I feel good, mostly. I don't sleep as well as I did when I first got to Florida. Not sure why that is. In general I'm content though, which is really nice. I think it's fear of the future that keeps me up. Knowing I'm going to have to find a job and go back to work. Knowing big life decisions will soon happen. That's scary, but I have to own it. Once I figure out what the hell I want to do that is.
I'm hoping I can get some career advice from this counselor. I really don't know what's next for me. I did sign up for that Italy thing, but I won't even know if I'm a finalist until March. It's all going to work out, I just have to figure out how.
I wasn't fully honest. I didn't say, this is important to me. So in the end, the only person I can be mad at is me. These things mattered. I should be able to say to my life partner, these things mean something to me. If you're not on the same page, than we aren't meant to be together.
I have given up most of my expectations when it comes to friendships and family. Mostly because I'm older now and I realize people are who they are. Some people call/text. Some people don't. Some people I won't hear from for weeks, but they eventually make an effort if I don't first. I want these relationships, so I work for them, even when people don't respond. I have to go in with no expectations.
I finally called the therapist I found back. Hopefully we can set up a call this coming week so I can figure out if we're a match. I'll be back in Colorado on the 28th. I have an airline ticket, so that's a for sure unless there's weather or all of the TSA quits.
For now, I've been working out at least every other day. I'm eating healthier than I have. I feel good, mostly. I don't sleep as well as I did when I first got to Florida. Not sure why that is. In general I'm content though, which is really nice. I think it's fear of the future that keeps me up. Knowing I'm going to have to find a job and go back to work. Knowing big life decisions will soon happen. That's scary, but I have to own it. Once I figure out what the hell I want to do that is.
I'm hoping I can get some career advice from this counselor. I really don't know what's next for me. I did sign up for that Italy thing, but I won't even know if I'm a finalist until March. It's all going to work out, I just have to figure out how.