July 13, 2008 @ 2 AM?
Yeah. I went to get Fluffy today because he was stuck in the middle of nowhere. He had me drop off this one kid I've never met before and then he came with me to Mark's. We chilled, didn't do much of anything, and went to Brigantine. I parted ways with him there and then Mark and I chilled at his house, just talking in the dark, until 10:15 PM. Then I came home. I haven't been to sleep yet, and I'm frustrated as hell. I'm looking for a new phone from AT&T because mine's, once again, broken. I haven't found one. Not yet, anyway. I'm either getting a new Razrv3xx or a Razr2 V9. Both are nice, and don't have a QWERTY keyboard. NO sliders or anything, because they're annoying. My fingers are way too big for the keys, and that makes me look down to text. And that sucks hXc. Hah. The razrv3xx is around $250 and the Razr2 V9 is about $400.
I'm sore and tired and I dunno why. I'm supposed to go to Devon's today. I hope the 'rents will let me. It'll be fun. There's never been much out-of-school Al & Dev time. Like...ever. And the time we spent together in Brigantine was so very short it was disheartening. Gah. When I think on it, I've only really been to her house two or three times - only once for more than two hours.
She made me a sign by the way. It's on my MySpace in one of my photo albums. So cute. :33
Gaah. I love you-know-who. He's a great guy. One I haven't had the chance to see in a good two or more weeks, but a great guy nonetheless. I really wish I could just tell him how much I love him. Merlin, what if he takes me as some kind of stalker? Or he hates me? I'd cry and cry until I couldn't any longer. I'd be so fucking miserable and so not want to live. I don't know if I'll ever get over it, if that's what happens...if I'm rejected. But I'm prepared for it as well as I'll ever be, so I might as well admit it to him sometime soon. I mean, if I don't, I have to drive myself crazy with this...disheartening, unsettling feeling of just not knowing. It's better to know than to live in my own insecure thoughts. Ugh. I'll never stop loving him - even if he doesn't love me. Even...if it means never seeing or talking to him again or never going to Brigantine or getting my dream car because it reminds me of him. A part of my black, dead heart will always be his.
Haha. Dev's right. If he reads this, one day, or any day, I'm dead meat. I'm crying over him for no reason again. Gods, I need to get some professional help for this depression.
<33 Al
I'm sore and tired and I dunno why. I'm supposed to go to Devon's today. I hope the 'rents will let me. It'll be fun. There's never been much out-of-school Al & Dev time. Like...ever. And the time we spent together in Brigantine was so very short it was disheartening. Gah. When I think on it, I've only really been to her house two or three times - only once for more than two hours.
She made me a sign by the way. It's on my MySpace in one of my photo albums. So cute. :33
Gaah. I love you-know-who. He's a great guy. One I haven't had the chance to see in a good two or more weeks, but a great guy nonetheless. I really wish I could just tell him how much I love him. Merlin, what if he takes me as some kind of stalker? Or he hates me? I'd cry and cry until I couldn't any longer. I'd be so fucking miserable and so not want to live. I don't know if I'll ever get over it, if that's what happens...if I'm rejected. But I'm prepared for it as well as I'll ever be, so I might as well admit it to him sometime soon. I mean, if I don't, I have to drive myself crazy with this...disheartening, unsettling feeling of just not knowing. It's better to know than to live in my own insecure thoughts. Ugh. I'll never stop loving him - even if he doesn't love me. Even...if it means never seeing or talking to him again or never going to Brigantine or getting my dream car because it reminds me of him. A part of my black, dead heart will always be his.
Haha. Dev's right. If he reads this, one day, or any day, I'm dead meat. I'm crying over him for no reason again. Gods, I need to get some professional help for this depression.
<33 Al