[Multichapter] The beginning (16/20)
Title: The beginning
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: syunikiss1990 <-- Thank you so very much!
Banner: andreja1989 <-- Thank you a lot~!
Pairing: SakurAiba
Rating: NC-17 (this chapter)
Genre: AU, psychological, romance, drama
Disclaimer: All I own is plot.
*MASTERPOST*
Sakurai felt like a kid who got grounded for getting caught on smoking cigarettes behind school's building. He wasn't allowed to read newspapers, watch TV or read news in the internet. Also, nobody told him any details about the end of the trial. Everyone, from Masaki till even Ninomiya, kept him in golden cage, making sure he won't get unneeded stress. At first it was understandable and even nice, but when for over a month nothing changed Sho had enough. His heart didn't show any signs of illness and after he quit smoking, he felt a lot better. Meds he received from the doctors worked and he felt better than anytime before, yet nobody believed him and they acted just as if he was made of glass and even the tiniest touch can break him.
"I am fine, you heard the doctors... Come on, let's go for a walk..." The editor repeated but every single time he got many arguments why he should stay in bed and how much he should care about his body and health. With passing time he was getting more and more angry and at some point he just sneaked out the apartment and went to the park nearby. Sakurai not only wanted to have a walk and gather his thoughts but he also grabbed his tablet just to read everything he missed during this past few weeks. Of course the first thing he searched for was Matsumoto's article about the trial. This was the most important news he just had to read because bigger part of his future with Masaki depended on it. After taking deep breath he started to read the article, losing track of time.
(...) after very brave testimonies of the only victim, the monster known under name Kurokawa Yukio was found guilty of all charges. The sentence, however, wasn't announced on the same day. As the accused man had at least five charges, judges had to analyze the proper punishment. It took quite a long time but, according to the reasons given by the main judge, it was very complicated and delicate matter. In the end, Kurokawa got twenty years in prison and was forced to get therapy. Rumors say that this treatment includes hormonal medications, which is equal to chemical castration.(...)
Sho sighed and leaned back on the bench. Twenty years... Was it just sentence for a person who hurt Masaki that much? All in all, it's over. The monster got what he deserved, the teenager can move on... The question that appeared in editor's mind made a thin sting pierce his heart. Why Masaki stayed with him? He decided to leave as soon as everything will be over but yet he still lives with Sakurai. Probably it's because of the older one's problems with health but something inside Sho said that it shouldn't have any influence on the younger one's decision. After all, nothing should make him change his decision.
"Where were you? I was so worried! Did you smoke?!" Teenager jumped on the editor as soon as he got back home. Sho smiled gently and ruffled the latter's hair and sat on the couch.
"I was at the park, I needed some fresh air. And no, I didn't smoke."
"But how are you? You should be resting... You don't feel any pain?"
"Masaki, I am perfectly fine. I feel even better than before after the walk. I just had enough of these walls and needed to go out. Everyone is tiptoeing around me and I just had enough. I know I should take care of myself and I am. I am taking meds, quit smoking... I think I deserved a small walk?" Sakurai said it with calm tone, even though was he still a bit angry at his friends for closing him up at home.
"I am just worried... Your heart stopped and... I was so scared..."
"Come here..." Sho pulled the other one closer and hugged him, stroking his hair gently. "I know you got scared, but I am fine now. The doctors said I will be okay as long as I am taking the pills and take care of myself. And move a bit. He said I should run or take long walks. This is good for my heart. Don't worry, I am fine."
"I'm sorry... I just... I can go for walks with you if you want..." Masaki smiled weakly and cuddled real close. Sakurai's heart got squeezed and he didn't want to start this topic just now but at the same time he was aware that it has to be done. The sooner the better, for both of them.
"Masaki, we need to talk..." The editor pushed the latter away, so he can look straight in his eyes. He didn't know what to say, which words he should use to express everything in the right way but fortunately he didn't have to worry about that. Before he could manage to say a thing, the younger one nodded and stated exactly what he had in mind.
"I told you that after the trial I will go away. I will, I promise. I just need to be sure you are okay. I don't think I will be able to focus on myself with you in the back of my head... Not that I won't think of you at all..."
"Masaki, I am fine." Sho repeated the same sentence for nth time. He felt very guilty because all this looked just as if he wanted to get rid of the one he loved and that was not true. "But the longer you will wait, the harder it will get. Can you promise me you will at least try to talk with Matsumoto-san about it till the end of this month?" Sakurai bit his lower lip and waited for any reply. The latter didn't say a word, not even nodded. He just looked at the older man without any emotion written on his face. Finally, after a while which seemed to be a whole eternity, Masaki broke the silence.
"I will settle everything so I will leave here the day after my birthday. I want to celebrate it with you... Is that okay?"
"Yes, it is okay." The editor smiled and then a sudden thought hit him hard. He didn't know when the younger one's birthday was! They never celebrated it properly, even though he was under his custody for over a year now. How come he didn't ask about that?!
"It's December 24th. My birthday..." Masaki answered on the unsaid question. This means they have just a bit less than a month to be with each other... It's a lot and not enough at the same time. At least Sho will be able to enjoy the last moments together and maybe even say a proper goodbye. If it's even possible of course...
***
"I talked with Nagayama-sensei yesterday and there is a place for Masaki in a clinic in Narashino. They seem to have experience in such cases..." Matsumoto took a sip of beer and leaned back. He and Sakurai were sitting in a bar near Jun's workplace, waiting for Ninomiya to join them.
"Thank you." The editor smiled weakly and looked through the window. The time he could spend with the teenager shrunk to one and a half week and nothing was easier than before. The knowledge how much time they have didn't change a thing. It was still hard to think about the parting and the thoughts what he should do next. Sho promised that he will wait, but the less time they had, the doubts were stronger.
"Any idea what you will do after he is away?" The journalist asked, making the latter raise up his head. Sakurai wanted to reply but at the same time Kazunari appeared, giving him a little bit more time to think about the answer.
"I don't know. I promised him I will wait for him but you know... Will he still want me when he comes back? Will he come back to me?"
"Why wouldn't he come back? He goes there for you, doesn't he?" Ninomiya asked, reminding about his presence.
"That's the point. He still thinks he should do this for me but the truth is he should do is for himself. I am repeating this to him as often as I can. I also said I won't contact him in any way."
"Are you sure this is a good idea? What if he forgets you?"
"Then he will... I cannot interrupt his recovery. He needs to grow up and find his true self. If he comes back to me then I will be the happiest man on Earth. If not... I will have to move on." Sho sighed and looked at his watch. Even though he didn't tell Masaki at what time he will come back, he suddenly felt he should go home. Shouldn't he spend as much time as possible? Mumbling some lame excuse the editor got up and shuffled back to his apartment.
"I'm home..." Sakurai said rather cheerfully and smiled widely when the younger one ran to him and hugged him tight. He wanted this to last forever. He wanted to be welcomed home this way, sleep with somebody he could cuddle to, kiss and just be close. Even though for a long time Sho was single, right now he was addicted to being with somebody he loved and he didn't want to change that.
"You're sad..." Teenager's voice brought him back to earth.
"No, Masaki. Just lost in thoughts..."
"And what are you thinking about?"
"You know... Stuff..." The editor chuckled and kissed the latter's forehead. Slowly he went to the living room and sat on the couch, feeling his heart getting warmer when Masaki sat on his lap and snuggled close. Why can't it be like this forever?
"Stop thinking about stuff and take care of me?" The younger one pouted and poked Sakurai's nose.
"I'm sorry, I think today I am really easily distracted... Do you want something to eat?"
"I made us some stew and waited for you to come back. Did you have fun with Jun-kun?" Masaki smiled cutely while leading the latter to the kitchen. Sho talked about meeting with the journalist but didn't say a thing about his doubts. He sensed that the younger one is aware of them and it will end with the same conversation they had every other day. Teenager was still stating that Sakurai doesn't have to wait for him and can try to create a relationship with somebody else on which the editor repeated that his feelings won't change. Saying the same thing all over again, doesn't make it true and doesn't mean that doubts and pain disappear though.
Next few days passed as a blink of an eye. Their parting was just around the corner and it could be felt in the atmosphere at home. Both of them became quieter, talking only about the clinic and their new lives. Sho couldn't not notice that the younger one was crying quietly when he thinks the editor can't see it. Even though they promised to create fun and good memories, right now both of them were bitter, sad and absentminded. If things go that way their goodbye will be full of tears and unneeded drama and this was the last thing Sakurai wanted.
"Masaki, can I ask you for something?" The editor smiled and sat next to the latter who put his book down on the table.
"Yes, of course. What is it?"
"Can you go to the store now and buy some milk? I would love to drink some cocoa now..." Sho smiled widely and made the cutest puppy eyes he could. The teenager nodded and few minutes later he was gone. For a second Sakurai thought that the apartment is empty and cold without the younger one around but he didn't have much time to let that image lurk into his heart. He had a plan and had to prepare few things before the other one returns. As fast as he could, he dashed to the bedroom and placed some rose petals on the bed, lit at least dozen of candles and waited. Sho didn't reply or made any sound when he heard Masaki's coming back and just when the teenager came in their bedroom, he managed to whisper soft welcome home.
"W-what's all this?"
"It's your birthday, I wanted to make it special." Sakurai didn't want to add that it's also their last night together. He didn't want to spoil the mood and make them both suffer more than they already are. "I have something for you... Though it's nothing much..." The older man took out a small package and handed it to a still shocked boy.
"Happy Birthday, Masaki."
"I-it's for me? Really?"
"Yes, really." Sho smiled and came few steps closer to the latter. "Come on, open it." The younger one nodded and ripped off the wrapping paper, soon having a thick notebook and a pen in his hand. Scratch pad was empty inside, except small dedication from Sakurai who assured the other one again he will wait for him.
"You can write everything you want there, make it your diary or just write letters to me there... I thought it will make your stay in the clinic easier..." The older one winced when he saw tears falling down Masaki's cheeks and wanted to apologize, but before he even made a step, the latter jumped in his arms.
"Thank you. I will treasure it, I promise. Thank you!"
"You're welcome..." Sho couldn't say anything more than those simple words. He smiled and pecked younger one's forehead, moving lower until he captured his lips in sweet yet passionate kiss. In this moment nothing else mattered. He wanted to be as close to the other one as possible, becoming one just for the last time. However, this time he wanted it to be different than previously. This time he wanted to serve Masaki with his body to show how much he loves him. Loud thud of notebook hitting the floor sobered them for few seconds, just to let them move to the bed. The older one straddled teenager, slowly removing his upper clothes and kissing every centimeter of exposed skin. Masaki was tensed and tried to change their positions, believing it should be the other way around; that he should be doing all this and not Sakurai but the editor didn't let him move.
"Let me do this my way..." Sho said firmly and bit his lower lip. For now it looked like he still is the Guardian and he tried so hard not to become one. He took a deep breath and without wasting more time, he got rid of every piece of material which trapped their bodies. The younger one was still tensed but he didn't try to turn into slave as he did so many times before.
"Masaki, please relax... Let me show you how it should be..." Sakurai smiled and join their lips together again while pressing his half-hard member to his lover's thigh. Slowly he started to roll his hips, brushing his erection against the other one's skin and shortly after he squeezed their members together, stroking them in steady rhythm. The younger one moaned loudly and lift his hips up, just to feel more friction and soon his movements built up the same tempo as Sho's hand. Cold liquid which fell on their joined erections couldn't cool them down, especially not when Sakurai's fingers got buried inside his boyfriend, feeling the heaven tightness around them.
"M-more... More..." Masaki gasped, feeling his spot being brushed. This was sign he lost all the control he had before and that made the older one be even bolder. Wanting to prepare the latter to the act, he sneaked in one more digit, scissoring him and making the teenager writhe underneath him. When Sho felt that his fingers can move easily inside, he pulled them out, spread the leftovers of lube on his rock hard and leaking member and slowly pushed inside, trying to cool off and not come just yet from the sensation. Sakurai froze for a while, spreading kisses all over the latter's face and neck.
"M-move... Please, move..." Masaki pleaded and rolled his hips once but Sho's hands grabbed them firmly and kept them in one place.
"Not just yet... Otherwise this will over way too soon... You better kiss me..." The editor smiled and when he felt the latter's tongue invading his mouth, his loins started to live its own life. Setting a steady and slow rhythm at first, shortly after it paced up just to change to a mad tempo. When Sakurai felt familiar warmth in his abdomen, his hand wrapped tightly around the younger one's member and stroked it fast. When Masaki spurt all over his chest and stomach, Sho thrust few more times and managed to slip out just before he came as well, mixing their semen on the teenager's torso. Exhausted, the editor fell on his back and tried to steady his breath. He felt extremely happy and at the same time sings of sadness were piercing him every now and then. Maybe Masaki can stay here and he will teach him how to be a grown up? Is it even possible?
"I'm sorry..." Soft whisper came from his right side and woke him up from his thoughts.
"What? Why are you sorry?" Sakurai frowned and looked at the teenager.
"I spoiled everything and now you are sad... G-give me few minutes and we can do it again... I will be better now, I promise.. Just don't be mad at me..." Masaki's voice was breaking.
"What are you talking about silly? There is no way I can be upset or mad at you!" Sho moved closed and pecked the latter's lips.
"But you are not smiling and... I think you are sad..."
"Masaki, of course I am sad... You are leaving tomorrow and I won't see you nor hear from you for a very long time. But it has nothing to do with what happened just now. It was amazing."
"Then ask me to stay. Just let me stay here, with you... Sho, let me..."
"We talked about it, right? Masaki, please..."
"I know, I am sorry... I will take shower now..." The younger one shuffled to the bathroom and Sakurai soon followed. The editor sneaked in the cabin and hugged the latter from behind as tight as he could.
"I know it's hard for both of us but it's necessary. Everything will be fine, just focus on yourself and before you know it, you will be here, in my arms, again."
"What if I change so much you won't love me anymore? What if I become a stranger? I don't want you to stop loving me... I don't!!!"
"Shh.... Let's not think that far, okay? Besides, the things I love in you will remain the same. You still will be kind, good and caring. And cute. Just a bit more mature. There's no need to be afraid of that."
"Will you wait for me?" Masaki asked for the nth time and he received the same answer.
"I will."
***
"Did you pack everything? Maybe there is something you want to take with you?" As always when Sakurai was nervous his practical side took over. He decided to treat is, just as if Masaki would go on a trip and come back real soon but his heart couldn't be tricked this easily.
"There is somebody I want to take with me but it's impossible..." The younger one smiled weakly and took a deep breath. Sho saw clearly the tears willing up in his eyes but he pretended he didn't see a thing. The last thing he needed was teenager's crying face. He wanted to remember his smile instead.
"I guess that's it." Matsumoto's closed the trunk and bit his lower lip. "I will give you few more minutes, we should leave soon if we want to get there before nightfall. I'll call Kazu..." The journalist moved away and took out his phone.
"Think of me..." Masaki said quietly and moved closer. "But only if it doesn't hurt too much..."
"I will." Sakurai pulled the latter in tight hug. He wanted to say the same but he knew very well it will be better for the younger one to forget about him. He didn't want to say that out loud though, so he remained quiet. They stayed embraced until Jun coughed, trying to get their attention and the same giving a sign they really should be going.
"So I guess this is good-..." Sho didn't manage to end his sentence because Masaki interrupted him.
"Don't! Don't say goodbye! We will see each other soon. It's not the end..."
"There is no such thing as end, Masaki..." Sakurai smiled and took a deep breath to remove the bulge from his throat. "End of something means only beginning of something new."
"Let's have our beginning all over again then. In the future." The teenager smiled and pecked Sho's cheek. "I love you. Remember that. See you later..."
"I love you too. See you..." The editor smiled and watched the latter getting inside the car. He wanted to scream that Masaki should stay, that he shouldn't leave him all alone, that he will be empty and lonely without him... Yet he didn't say a thing, just waved until the red car disappeared from his sight.