[Multichapter] The beginning (15/20)
Title: The beginning
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: syunikiss1990 <-- Thank you so very much!
Banner: andreja1989 <-- Thank you a lot~!
Pairing: SakurAiba
Rating: PG-15 (this chapter)
Genre: AU, psychological, romance, drama
Disclaimer: All I own is plot.
*MASTERPOST*
Sho was lying on his back, trying to breathe calmly not to wake up Masaki, who was sleeping on top of him, cuddling. He couldn't sleep, thoughts were haunting him and unanswered questions made him wide awake. The trial was just around the corner, only two days left, and Sakurai still couldn't figure out how he should act towards the teenager. It was very clear their love remained the same, but soon everything will be over. The younger one will go find his new identity and try with all his might to become an adult in every possible meaning of this word. The editor won't see him or hear from him for years... He will die old, lonely, bitter and miserable... Suddenly, just like few days ago, his heart started to flutter in his chest, making the lung capacity smaller and smaller, till the point when Sakurai thought he won't be able to catch any piece of air. He didn't want to move, not to wake up Masaki and upset him but when he felt weaker and the room started to spin around, he couldn't handle anymore.
"Sho... A-are you okay?" The younger one frowned, rubbing the sleepiness off his eyes.
"Yes, go back to sleep... I just want... to... drink some... water..." The editor breathed out each word with difficulty. He couldn't hide his condition anymore. Why the hell he agreed to sleep with Masaki again?!
"Don't lie... I see you're sick! I'll call an ambulance..." The teenager got up and wanted to grab the phone but Sakurai stopped him by grabbing his wrist.
"Don't... I will be fine in a while, just... stay with me..."
"But... But... At least let's go out to terrace... You will catch some fresh air... Please..." The younger one helped Sho up and took him outside. When cold wind hit the editor's face, almost immediately his lungs got full capacity back.
"See? I told you I am fine and there was no need to worry." Sakurai smiled and ruffled the latter's hair. The teenager shook his head and cuddled close to the older man, pressing his ear to his chest. Just then Sho noticed that Masaki is already as tall as him and got more muscular than before. His body was already growing up and now it was time to let his mind and heart do the same.
"I woke up because your heart was beating weirdly... And I thought it stopped for a second... Sho, please go to the doctor and check it..." The teenager pleaded and bit his lower lip, fighting with tears. The editor nodded and pulled him closer, fighting with urge of getting a cigarette. Masaki had to sense something, because he slowly found Sakurai's lips and kissed him unhurriedly. The older man smiled gently and returned the caress, feeling more and more relaxed. Even though he knew well that this was one of their last kisses, he pushed away all negative thoughts and accept the happiness crawling in his heart. He will still have time for feeling pain, when the younger one disappears from his life. For a while or forever.
"I love you Sho... So much..." Masaki whispered and cuddled really close, shivering a bit since the cold wind was hitting his back. Sakurai frowned and lead him back inside, making sure he is covered well with blanket when they were back in bed. He didn't reply anything for the confession he heard few minutes ago, afraid to say it out loud. Just as if he would let the words leave his throat, teenager would disappear, like a beautiful dream just before dawn.
"Nee, Sho..."
"Hmm?"
"You don't... You don't have to wait for me." Masaki moved away few inches, his back touching the wall. "You can stop loving me when I'll be gone, just... Love me till then?"
"What are you talking about silly?" The editor smiled and pulled the latter closer again. "Don't say such things."
"If you need being close with somebody, then just be... I... I won't mind..." The younger one's voice trembled a bit and he didn't dare to look at the older man. Sho frowned and hugged the other one, letting his thoughts fight with his feelings. What should he say now? Repeat he will wait for Masaki no matter how long? Say that it's not a good subject to talk about in the middle of the night? Simply ignore it? The truth was Sakurai truly wanted to wait. He believed that the younger one was meant for him and even if life and time will show otherwise, he won't regret it. Some part of his self consciousness wanted to protect him from getting hurt, which was natural. Even if Masaki won't love him anymore after the therapy, he won't regret his choice.
"Forgot what I have told you already? I will wait for you. Period."
"But you won't contact with me at all?"
"Masaki, we talked about it." The editor sighed and sat up, to get a better view on the younger one. "If you want to change and get better, you need to do it alone. Only then it will be truly worth it. I will only remind you of the bitter and hurtful past. You will need to focus on yourself and you will be able to do it only if you forget about me."
"What? But I don't want to! I love you! I can't forget! I won't!"
"I love you too. And if it is strong enough, this break won't affect it." Sho didn't believe in anything he just said. Of course his feelings were true and strong but he had no idea how time and parting will affect it. However he wanted Masaki to believe in that, for his sake. That no matter what happens, he will be somewhere there, just like a lighthouse in stormy, dark night, showing the safe way to the seaport. The teenager didn't reply anything, processing the words he had just heard.
"Let's sleep, okay? Tomorrow everything will be clearer." The older man smiled and kissed the latter's forehead. Teenager nodded gently and smiled back, cuddling to the other man's side and almost immediately falling asleep. Big bulge stuck in Sakurai's throat and he couldn't swallow it. How could he lie to the person he loved? How could he make him believe in things he lost hope for? Urge for a cigarette hit him again, with double force but he fought with it. Sho didn't want to wake Masaki up again; he needs a lot of rest right now, before the trial starts. Before the end begins...
***
The courtroom was cold. Not only because it was late November, but because it was awfully white. Also people inside with their long, emotionless faces didn't seem to warm the atmosphere up. Sakurai took a deep breath and looked around, looking for Ishida. Masaki was standing few meters away, looking down and not able to move an inch from stress.
"It will be fine, Masaki. I will be here." The editor tried to calm him down, even though he was nervous himself. This whole thing wasn't about him. Sho was just a tiny piece of the puzzle creating this bittersweet image, nothing more. As far as he knew Ninomiya and Matsumoto testified the day before, as a prelude. The judges were leaving the best for last...
"Good morning." The lawyer's a bit cheery voice didn't suit the place at all. Sakurai took another deep breath to calm down and bowed gently. He didn't reply to anything, listening to some procedural things regarding the session itself, showing it will look different than from what he had expected. He won't be allowed to be in the room when the younger one testifies. Even though Masaki is still underage this case is way too delicate to let him talk openly with everybody present, so his testimony will be heard only by lawyers, therapist and judges.
"Wait... He will be there alone?! Why didn't you tell us sooner?! We could prepare mentally and..."
"Calm down, Sakurai-san. I mentioned it in one conversation with Masaki, he is prepared. He will do fine, be sure of it. Now let's go, you are starting today's part." The lawyer bowed gently and headed to the big wooden door. As Masaki was supposed to testify last, as the only victim of Kurokawa's crimes, to close the whole trial with very dramatic images pushed in judges' minds, the editor just followed, Ishida, leaving the teenager behind and hoping he will be fine... Sho will be talking first... Thought that he will be lying in court about his true relationship with the teenager made sweat drops slowly ran down his back. There was no choice, nobody would understand. He could even end up with this monster in one cell...
"Are you ready, Sakurai-san?" Ishida's voice brought him back to the reality. The editor just nodded and slowly walked inside the courtroom, leaving Masaki with a therapist he used to talk to a lot outside.
"Day two of Kurokawa Yukio's trial will start now. We already heard the defendant's version of the story and testimonies of two witnesses. Ishida-san, please call your next witness." Judge was a woman. Maybe this will make everything easier for Masaki? Sho was called to the middle of the room, where he could see that monster who hurt the teenager so much, but also in very sick way made their meeting possible.
"State your name, age and what do you for a living." The woman said with maybe a bit too warm voice for this coldness. Sakurai introduced himself and at first answered few easy questions about his first meeting with Masaki. Then, the real questions began.
How the younger one behaved in the hospital?
Why Sho agreed to be his guardian?
How long they were living together?
Was Masaki going to school?
Does he have any friends?
How did he act in front of strangers?
Did he mention anything about his past?
Gazillions of questions, spinning around the editor's head to which he had to find an immediate and easy answer.
A bit aggressive at the beginning, but he calmed down when I was around.
I pitied him and wanted to help.
Around a year now, don't remember exact date.
No, he learned at home.
Before Matsumoto-san appeared he didn't have anybody except me.
He was scared and hid in his room whenever somebody was visiting me.
Before Matsumoto-san appeared, he didn't say anything.
Sho tried to breathe slowly and not let his heart to beat too fast. His gaze was focused on two lawyers, asking him questions about the younger man. He didn't even try to look elsewhere, afraid he will be able to hurt Kurokawa, if he says something. Next question hit Sakurai straight in the stomach, removing all air he had in his lungs.
"Did Masaki-kun's moves seem... how can I put it... wrong to you? I will ask straightforwardly... Did he ever try to touch you in inappropriate way, showing sexual interest in your person?" Kurokawa's attorney asked, smiling viciously. Sho frowned and looked at Ishida, not knowing what he should answer. The lawyer just slightly nodded, showing he should tell the truth, no matter how embarrassing it may be. Sakurai took another deep breath and felt faint stinging in his chest.
"At first yes, he tried to... kiss me... But of course I pushed him away and tried to explain that this is bad."
"Did this situation happen only once?"
"Unfortunately no. Masaki tried to do it again, but I just reacted in the same way. I was confused and didn't know why he acts this way but as soon as I found out about his past, I understood everything." The strong decision that he won't look at Kurokawa disappeared in one split of a second. Sakurai's gaze turned to the old man when he continued his testimonies, accusing this monster for everything bad what happened to his Masaki. To the editor's shock he didn't have any hatred towards the charged one in his heart. Only indifference mixed with tiny bit of gratitude. If not Kurokawa, he wouldn't have met the teenager...
"Since there are no more questions, you are free Sakurai-san. I am ordering a break and in an hour we'll start interrogation of the victim." The judge left the room and soon after, Sho slowly got outside as well. Masaki immediately came closer and it was very clear that he is fighting with urge of hugging the older man tight.
"H-how was it?"
"I survived." The editor smiled and coughed softly. "Since we have some free time, want to go outside for few minutes? To catch some fresh air before it's your turn?"
"Yes, please..." Masaki smiled weakly and soon both of them were at the back of the court, covered with silence and hidden from curious eyes. Even then they didn't dare to even touch each other or talk about their relationship. Sakurai leaned against the tree and reached for cigarette package.
"You told me you will stop... It's bad for health and you have problems..."
"I'll be fine. This calms me down. Don't worry, I will quit when this will be over." The bitter smoke tasted heavenly. It filled Sho's lungs, burning a bit and making him forget about everything for this few minutes, until nothing more but filter was left. "Are you feeling ready?"
"I don't know... We'll see when I am inside..." Masaki said quietly and smiled weakly. Sakurai wanted to hug him so badly, but he couldn't risk anybody seeing them like that. Instead, he just moved two steps closer and talked with as low voice as he could.
"Be brave for a tiny little while longer. I promise you, when we get home tonight I won't let you go out from my arms, okay? Just now be brave..." The editor smiled when he received a nod as a reply.
"Hey!" Matsumoto's voice appeared out of nowhere, interrupting their conversation. The journalist came to the small garden at the back of the court, smiling just like a commander after a won battle, even if war is not over yet. But what surprised Sakurai the most was sight of his good friend, Ohno, behind the taller man's back. Is he really that stupid to come here and risk his reputation? One of the most famous actors appears in court on a pedophile trial...
"I don't give a fuck." Satoshi stated as normally as if he was talking about the weather when the editor expressed his doubts out loud. "You are far more important than my career anyway. Now tell me, how was it? Did Masaki testify already?"
"Not yet, he will go there in a while." Sho sighed while taking out another cigarette. He looked at the teenager who was talking with Jun a bit further. The editor frowned when he felt his heart fluttered a bit again but when its rhythm got back to normal, he continued his conversation with his friend.
"Don't you have any work to do now? Why are you wandering around courts?"
"It's none of your business. Better tell me since when you are a hard smoker? I am here for less than twenty minutes and it's your third cigarette already. I thought you quit..."
"I did, but you know... All that stress... I will stop when it's all over." Sho smiled and then it happened again. His heart lost its steady rhythm, beating chaotically with tiny pauses. The world spun around, mixing green of the garden with Ohno's worried face. He thought his legs won't support him anymore, he felt weaker and weaker.
"Sho, are you okay? Hey, Sho!" Satoshi's voice became quieter, even though he was still standing very close.
"I am fine... Don't tell... Masaki.... He has to... Testify..."
"Fine my ass! I'm taking you to the hospital right now!" The actor reached out for his phone but with last bits of strength and will power Sakurai stopped him.
"Not yet... Please... I don't want Masaki to worry right now. When he gets inside the courtroom, you can do whatever you want. But not just yet, please, Satoshi-kun, I am begging you..." The younger of them pleaded, trying to look just as if nothing happened. He couldn't allow teenager get even more scared and worried. He needs to testify.
"Sho, be rational. You are white like snow, you can't breathe normally. Few more minutes and you will collapse here... I am calling the ambulance right away." Ohno was adamant.
"Please, just ten more minutes, okay? Please..." Sakurai smiled and held his breath, seeing Masaki coming closer just to say it's time for him to go inside. In the same second when the youngest of them disappeared inside, lead by his therapist, the editor's legs just finally gave up. Sho fell, hitting his head against soft grass and still fought with the darkness which wanted to swallow him.
"Sho, come on, stay with me... Don't do this to me my friend, not now... Just a bit longer, soon the doctor will be here. Come on!" Satoshi's voice was distant, just to sound very loud and clear in next second. Even tough he tried so hard to stay conscious, he suddenly felt so weak and powerless that all he could do was to allow the darkness pull him inside its core and surround him with silence. He didn't even hear his own heartbeat.
***
Hospital room was whiter than he remembered it. The brightness of the walls was blinding him, making his head hurt. Sho wanted to say something, but his throat was so dry, he couldn't make any sound. The editor winced and reached his hand to get rid off the oxygen mask and beg for sip of water.
"Don't take that off, I will call a doctor." Familiar voice invaded his ears, sounding way too loud. For a tiny little while Sakurai tried to remember what exactly happen and when his beloved man's face appeared in his mind, he gasped and tried to sat up to find his phone. He needed to call Masaki, to check if he is okay and ask about the trial.
"I wouldn't move if I were you. You should be resting right now and I swear, I will make sure you won't move your butt off bed anywhere else but bathroom." Ohno crossed his arms on his chest and tried to look scary. The editor chuckled and got back down, coughing gently. Doctor, who appeared soon after Sho's friend, checked on his patient and sighed with relief.
"You'll be fine, Sakurai-san but if not the quick reaction of your friend here you would be on the graveyard right now. I will keep you here for few days to do some more tests. Right now you should be resting so I hope your guest won't be here for long..." The medic looked at the actor, just as if he was scolding him.
"Don't worry, sensei, I will go home soon. I have no intention of babysitting this stupid idiot. But there is somebody who will do everything to see him..."
"Okay but only for ten minutes. He really needs his rest." The doctor left the room, writing some instructions in the chart for nurses. Ohno took a deep breath and looked at his friend, shaking his head.
"You are an idiot, but this conversation has to wait for later. Masaki will bite my head off if I won't let him in. Oh, and Sho..." Satoshi moved few step closer. "He was brave today."
"Thank you..." Sakurai whispered and felt tears willing up in his eyes. He screwed everything up, giving the one he loved the most even more fear and stress... How could he be so damn stupid?! How he could let this happen?!
"A-are you okay?" Masaki's voice brought him back to reality. The teenager was pale and obviously worried, so when he moved closer and sat on the edge of the bed Sho immediately grabbed his hand.
"I am fine, just need some rest. I heard you were brave. I am so proud of you. I really am."
"Don't... I don't want to talk about it, not now. Just... Please, be okay. They told that you were dead... That they needed to make your heart beat again..." The younger one's voice broke. "Please, don't smoke again. Please, please be okay. You promised you will wait for me. I want you to wait for me here and not in heaven... Please...."
"Shh... Masaki, it's okay. I just need to rest and I will be fine. Don't worry." Sakurai hugged the latter gently and rocked his body. "I am afraid you can't stay here, even though I want you to. I promised you I will hold you all night... I'm sorry..."
"I will go to Jun-kun's place. I don't want to be alone tonight and he invited me. Sho-chan, I will be fine. I certainly will. Just rest." Teenager wiped off his tears and smiled weakly. "I love you."
"I love you too." The editor whispered and felt tiredness hitting him with double force. When door closed behind the teenager, all Sho could think of was the most comfortable position to get some rest with all the tubes connected to his veins.
I definitely need to get rid of all cigarettes from home...