Saturday evening
Didn't sleep well, got up to have breakfast with T & B, then T needed some time to himself playing video games, and B needed time to himself out on the patio, and I was wondering how my day would go, as the emotions of our grief and the unresolved conflicts within our relationships punched against each other.
Then B came in and decided to work on a document. I sat near him playing a sort of solitaire my father had taught me, with a real deck of playing cards, as I also tried to assist B with editing his document.
I offered to play some Magic, and B agreed if I'd continue helping him edit his document. So we played two games using random Jump Start decks, and one deck was so obviously sucking hah, we ended 1-1 after trading decks.
Then T came back upstairs, and we had a conversation about how to spend our day, who needed what, who was negotiable on what, a real three-way negotiation, and it wasn't as easy as you might imagine, but we did it. Worked out a plan for the day. I'd drive T on some errands, then we'd decide what to do for lunch. I suggested a place for lunch and drove us there -- I'd give it a "B" -- but we tried a new place together. Then I drove them back to the house and left for the condo. They'd get some one-on-one time, I'd get some Time to Self.
I can only imagine whether they're continuing to punch against the combination of grief and unresolved relationship issues, as I was earlier while I was with them.
But on my own, I'm facing my own demons. And doing all right. Accessing that deep well that I usually forget I have, that when I actually face my demons, they become powerless. No matter how old they are, no matter for how long they've been strangling me as I've looked away.
Look at me, demons. I cast you out.
Then B came in and decided to work on a document. I sat near him playing a sort of solitaire my father had taught me, with a real deck of playing cards, as I also tried to assist B with editing his document.
I offered to play some Magic, and B agreed if I'd continue helping him edit his document. So we played two games using random Jump Start decks, and one deck was so obviously sucking hah, we ended 1-1 after trading decks.
Then T came back upstairs, and we had a conversation about how to spend our day, who needed what, who was negotiable on what, a real three-way negotiation, and it wasn't as easy as you might imagine, but we did it. Worked out a plan for the day. I'd drive T on some errands, then we'd decide what to do for lunch. I suggested a place for lunch and drove us there -- I'd give it a "B" -- but we tried a new place together. Then I drove them back to the house and left for the condo. They'd get some one-on-one time, I'd get some Time to Self.
I can only imagine whether they're continuing to punch against the combination of grief and unresolved relationship issues, as I was earlier while I was with them.
But on my own, I'm facing my own demons. And doing all right. Accessing that deep well that I usually forget I have, that when I actually face my demons, they become powerless. No matter how old they are, no matter for how long they've been strangling me as I've looked away.
Look at me, demons. I cast you out.