More musings
I sometimes wonder if we don't overemphasize the importance of relationships in our lives. I look back at the years I spent feeling as though the relationship I was in would go on forever. I kept imagining this future of a loving and comfortable relationship and now I'm sitting here staring at the blank space thinking that if I hadn't privileged this now ended relationship so much, it wouldn't be killing me to have it end. I feel so bereft of purpose now. There is a part of me that just wants to give in and declare myself celibate for the rest of my life and swear off relationships totally. The chances of finding another person like Nathaniel are few and far between and I feel as though nobody will measure up. This city is so empty of interesting people that I can't imagine meeting anyone nearly as fascinating. It doesn't help that I'm stuck in the house for a while and I'm not sure in what capacity I will be mobile when I do get healed. I'm trying to make connections and look around, my friend Joe sent me a link to a group here for single gay men and it looks decently interesting, I am not going to be serious about looking though. Nathaniel is obviously going and meeting people but I guess everyone recovers differently and we likely view the break-up in quite different ways!