(no subject)
Wow my life is FUCKIN PEACHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im so lame that a status change on facebook would send me on a downward spiral but shit mothafucka I dont got much to hold on to these days so even something that trivial is a big deal. Im wierd when everything is crumbling I will try to latch on to something to keep me afloat and just seeing "its complicated" at least meant there was SOME hope. I mean yeah on this stupid thing i may have said she dumped me but come on who the fuck reads this what does it matter I at least had that to cling to for some hope. It made me feel a little better at least. Im about ready to fuckin kill something. Stay away from me unless you are strong enough to hold me down. I just put up this thing about how I love her and how I am so excited to be seeing her soon then boom. its a slap in the fuckin face man. I have no say in it anymore My feelings dont matter anymore, and that hurts more. So I get hurt more every day but I cant fight for her, that doesent work it backfires. I cant be sad about it and say things suck because then Im being moapy and that pushes her away more. Unlike her I dont have an assload of friends and things to do and places to go. hence why im miserable here. I fuckin tried to get all social but it diddnt work i put in the work and then nothing i made phonecalls im's talked to people went to them but nobody follows up at all. Ive got like 4 good friends here and maybe like 15 people I hang out with at all most of which I only see at the conservatory. The world is fucked up. You are so happy just thinking about someone then that person ends up crushing you. I dont blame her at all or anything im a pain in the ass. But whats the point in beating around the bush. Im not mad at her its not her fault but basicly, I love her more than anything in the world, and she Is causing me more pain than anyone at this time. Guess I just have to go into shell shock and move along through life. Any time I let myself have feelings for someone I get fucked up. Maybe im just meant to be alone and miserable? highly likely. Fuck it all man.