why does this shit still bother me...?
I just got a phone call from my friend Brit. Being that she still lives somewhat close to back home ( englewood is only like 15 minutes away) she is always up on the gossip in town. The newest one just happens to involve my ex boyfriend/highschool sweetheart ( for lack of a better phrase), Alex. She calls me up and tells me, " I don't wanna upset you but...you need to know". OF course I knew it was about alex. Britty and I both have the bastard first loves and we always understand how upsetting it is to talk about them and what they are up to. We understand what it is like to hear about your ex and get that damn pit in your stomach that seems like it comes from no where. We both wish that things that involve them didn't bother us but it does. At first i thought maybe he was engaged or something. Then i was thinking he knocked up some girl. But then she said " it's about who he's dating now" and I automatically thought of Kalan. Kalan who always hung on him in high school and who almost dated him before I did. Who flaunted her big breasts and always had that pig squeal of a laugh going whenever he said anything that could be consrued as funny...anyways..tangent...But then she told me that it was crissy..crissy conway.. The cute little phillipeano flute girl who is one year younger than me and who was my little buddy throughout my senior year of high school. Cute little crissy.. WHAT THE FUCK MAN! Nice friend she turned out to be. How could she date him! They are probably having sex too...most definately. God damn, will I ever stop caring? I haven't talked to that boy in four years. His parents sent a card to my house when they heard through the grapevine that my brother died. That is all I have come in contact with the Dimarzios. Oh and once over winter break I saw his little sister I think my sophmore year? Why do i still get a pit in my stomach when people mention him? Is this how it will always be? Because he was my first everything ( almost) I will forever care about him no matter how much he doesn't deserve it. Damn Crissy, what are you thinking?