....
I'm listening to The 13th step cd by a perfect circlce...and i'm thinking about jen. It's crazy how much she comes up in converstion. Not purposely really either. It's like, i'll be sitting with my interior design friends and they will tell a freshman story and i'll counter it was one that relates. I almost always beginning with " oh yea, this one time me and my exbestfriend/ old roommate/ Jen did yadda yadda yadda..it's crazy..the thing is that i don't miss the jen that exists now. I miss the one from freshman and sophmore year. That is the Jen I loved like a sister, that was my hetro...Inseperatable. I've never been such a close friend with anyone else. Me and my sister heather were pretty inseperable when we were younger but still not to this intensity. I don't know. It was a ifferent kinda friendship. And sometimes i think about the good times and it makes me sad. But it's funny but it's not the kinda sad where you miss the persona and wanna see them. like i said before, i don't wanna be friends with the jen now. And i can't help but think of comparing this to death. That person is forever only imprinted in your brain. they no longer exist in the tangible world in which we reside.
It's funny but I feel that way as well about myself. I see pictures of when i was younger and think, wow my story just keeps going. It seems like it should've stopped a long time ago. BUt now it's volumes and volumes of stories that existed at different stages of my life. Once jen and I equated life as being like a sitcom. Every season, some old people return to be main roles in your life and then others are guest appearances and some are around for a while and then leave. It makes sense if you think about it. BUt the only thing that makes sitcoms better is that you can watch reruns and relive certain periods of time. I guess that is what a memory is to us. reruns. But it still doesn't have the same quality of awareness as when it first happened. That is where a rerun of a sitcom is better. Making the event just as clearly experienced as the first time...
It's funny but I feel that way as well about myself. I see pictures of when i was younger and think, wow my story just keeps going. It seems like it should've stopped a long time ago. BUt now it's volumes and volumes of stories that existed at different stages of my life. Once jen and I equated life as being like a sitcom. Every season, some old people return to be main roles in your life and then others are guest appearances and some are around for a while and then leave. It makes sense if you think about it. BUt the only thing that makes sitcoms better is that you can watch reruns and relive certain periods of time. I guess that is what a memory is to us. reruns. But it still doesn't have the same quality of awareness as when it first happened. That is where a rerun of a sitcom is better. Making the event just as clearly experienced as the first time...