Theory Of Convergence: Veronica Mars: V/L
Title: Theory of Convergence
Chapter: [13] Patience Is A Virtue
Author: tlace
Pairing/Character: Veronica/Logan, all
Word Count: 4,880
Rating: PG-13
Summary: WIP begins pre-series, Veronica’s birthday is the jumping off point. Veronica and Logan are left behind when the Kane kids unexpectedly leave for the summer
Spoilers: Season 1
Warnings: Each part will have its own rating
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of Veronica Mars. No copyright infringement is intended. [ Personal Disclaimer]
Notes: Thanks to Heather (heather13 ) & Roz (afrocurl ) for always being so willing to beta and doing such a wonderful job. Any mistakes are my own.
I'm sure everyone who has been reading this thought I had given up. HA! FOOLED YOU! Note before reading: chapters 14 & 15 are at the beta now and will be posted within days. Yes I said DAYS!
Also? LJ sucks. So this is in two parts.
Something clicks, a light inside Logan flicks on, when Veronica confirms that what passed between them last night was in fact mutual and he’s instantly energized, feeling nearly indestructible, a part of him suddenly different down to his bones.
The idea of her, of them, zips around his head like electric sparks, the crackles and snaps making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. But he’s forced to when Lianne announces that dinner is ready and Veronica finally steps back out from the kitchen, oven mitts wrapped around the best - and first - meatloaf he’s eaten in his entire life.
With his nerve-endings over stimulated, completely saturated in adrenaline, Logan’s afraid he’ll jump clear out of his skin at the slightest provocation, which wouldn’t be much of an adjustment he figures, since his point of view barely feels like his own at the moment anyway.
During dinner Logan does his best to focus on the talk going around the table, but he’s hardly successful since he can’t quell the nagging voice that keeps reminding him of all the things he wants to say to Veronica, all the discussions he wants to start, and at least one - theirs from earlier - that he’s breathless to continue.
Sitting opposite of her, he acknowledges and contributes to the eighteen different dialogs that swell and fade through-out the meal, he nods at whatever her parents say, smiles and laughs at what he thinks are the appropriate moments - trying desperately to be genuine - all the while sneaking looks at her across the table, the candle flames glinting off the silverware and glasses, lighting up her face.
If he was edgy when he arrived at the Mars’ front door, by the time dessert is served he’s absolutely beside himself, the tension increasing with each glance he catches Veronica stealing until he’s so wound up he can think of nothing but how badly he wants to just lean over the table, grab Veronica and kiss her. And with the way the corner of her mouth turns up every time he catches her eye - breaking into that mischievous smile of hers - it’s as though she is daring him to do exactly that.
Encouraging, adorable smiles or not, Logan finds his excitement and nerves increasing, manifesting as a strange tightening in his chest, the feeling of an inflating balloon on the verge of bursting and in desperate need of a release, something that - as dinner wears on - seems less and less likely which only serves to perpetuate the sensation.
But then dessert morphs into a game of Monopoly which leads to a “quick” game of Halo that at some point evolves into a make-shift tournament between Logan and Keith - with the Mars’ women serving as cheerleaders-slash-back-seat-gamers - and Logan finds his ability to breathe returning and the pressing need to be alone with Veronica subsiding, replaced by a wonderful sense of calm, thanks mostly to how comfortable the Mars’ make him feel to be around them, but also due to a gradual realization that he had been entirely wrong, that his made-up crisis last night was just that.
Because in spite of his previous certainty that any admission of attraction between him and Veronica would immediately send their tiny, shared world into a tailspin - inevitably bringing about their mutual demise - their world remains very much intact.
More importantly, Veronica admitting how she feels seems to have opened a floodgate or something, because she’s gone from slightly flirty to outright demonstrative in a matter of hours and with the signals she’s been sending - like being sure to be near him at every opportunity - appears to want to be alone with Logan as much as he does with her.
So after an evening of watching her, seeing Veronica completely immersed in her element - unguarded and open - Logan is even more intrigued by her and wondering if it was him or being at home that gave her the courage to admit what she’s been keeping in all this time. But as he sits with her nestled into the curve of his arm, her head on his shoulder, he comes to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter because he’s done for; nothing that either of them does or says, not even the Kane’s return - however it turns out - will change how he feels about Veronica.
Just as he thinks it - coming to his second epiphany in the span of twenty-four hours - Keith abruptly announces that he and the “missus” aren’t all that young anymore or something and begins to hoist himself up from the couch.
Checking his watch, Logan realizes that it’s nearing eleven o’clock, and he can’t begin to fathom where the night went. So he gently rouses a groggy Veronica from her place next to him on the floor and waits, while she absently uses his shoulder as leverage to stand up and - just as absently - slips her fingertips through his hair when she steps past him to begin picking up empty glasses and discarded paper plates, left-over from their mid-game refuel. Standing up to get a better view his eyes trail after her, admiring her gait, the curves of her tiny frame as she heads in to the kitchen to put things away.
It’s not until Keith clears his throat - quite theatrically - that Logan is finally shaken from his daze, the smile on his face dissolving as his eyes move from the doorway, where Veronica disappeared, to Keith who is waiting with his hand outstretched and a sort of fatherly, knowing grin on his face.
Returning the smile - and obliging the handshake - Logan realizes that with Veronica in the other room and Mrs. Mars still asleep on the couch, it’s just the two of them. But strangely enough the aloneness isn’t awkward, or not nearly as awkward as Logan would have expected anyway. In fact, there’s a beat and - possibly fueled by the sheer power of Keith’s being - Logan suddenly has the strangest urge to say something, anything. To confess how he feels about Veronica, reveres her, or maybe just let Keith know she’s being cared for, even when he’s not around… or something just as uncharacteristically sappy. But Keith beats him to the punch.
“It’s nice how you’re keeping Veronica busy…” Keith comments with his voice low, shooting a quick glance behind him toward the kitchen before continuing “…watching out for her. It’s pretty easy for her to uh, hide away, when things don’t go how she planned.”
“Hmm,” Logan mutters, shaking his head and dropping his eyes to the floor, the throaty laugh that escapes him an involuntary reaction to the thought that hanging with Veronica is equivalent to a favor.
“Wish I could say it’s for noble reasons but, uh… I just like being around her,” Logan admits, warily peeking up at Keith, proud that he was so succinct instead of spilling his feelings in some rambling monologue all over the living room floor.
“Yeah. I get that,” Keith responds with a smile, “I’m still grateful.”
***
After she chisels hours-old scraps from dinner plates into the garbage Veronica begins loading the dishwasher, all the while listening to the soft rumblings of Logan’s conversation with her dad. Periodically a swell of laughter drifts into the kitchen and she catches herself smiling; at her dad’s goofy cackle and at how easily Logan seems to fit in here with them and, more specifically, with her.
Sparked by thoughts of Logan the warmth of contentment courses through her, his simply being here making all the pieces fall into place.
Pieces she hadn’t realized were scattered to begin with.
Pressing her eyes closed she exhales through the rush of thoughts that tear through her head, creating a jumbled chaos where nothing is terribly clear, save the general notion that - contentment or not - this is not how things are supposed to be.
It feels right, though - decidedly perfect if she’s honest - and for just a second she lets herself enjoy what Logan being here does to her and to admit to herself once and for all that, okay yeah, she’s fallen for him.
The admission shudders her heart and spreads a quick grin across her face, but it doesn’t make the Kane’s absence any less temporary, or her own thoughts and wants any less wrong.
Still, right now, Veronica can’t really work herself up to care, because the time she’s spent with Logan has been so effortless that guilt just doesn’t feel like the correct reaction anymore, not when she finds herself wishing that every part of her life made the kind of sense that being with Logan does.
Which she could blame on Logan and the way he has; that easy confidence - entirely different from any other boy she’s ever met - or his intensity which, when focused solely on her, makes her feel safe.. and free. Because it seems - for him - her just being Veronica is enough.
Of course it could also be about needing something - someone - to distract her from being left behind.
It’s not though. No, whatever has developed between them goes beyond Logan’s charm and is about more than loneliness. This thing they have is based on genuine attraction, a fact that confuses and excites her all at the same time since, last Veronica checked, she was in love with Duncan and Logan was in love with Lilly. She’s afraid to know how that could change in only a matter of days.
Or maybe it didn’t. Maybe there was something there that she shoved down deep, ignored for the greater good - or for another reason - that was only able to rear its head when certain, Kane-size obstacles were removed.
Shit. Veronica shakes the thought away, kneading her temples because she’s getting into scary territory and thinking about it too hard messes with her head and ruins the fun little tickle in her stomach.
It would be so much easier if she could concentrate on the now, live in the moment and all that. Though even that isn’t safe because the now means she has to deal with a terrifying certainty that’s been nagging at her all night; that this - Veronica being entirely enamored but having to pretend otherwise - is how it’s going to be from now on. Which is difficult on its own, but she can’t even begin to imagine how stressful it will be trying to cover up her feelings when Lilly and Duncan are around.
Of course, there is always the chance that she’s wrong. That loneliness and charm is exactly how she got here - all flushed cheeks and butterflies at the thought of Logan being fifty feet away - and as soon as the Kane’s come back she’ll instantly forget everything, want only Duncan, wonder how she ever found Logan attractive in the least because it’s all in her head.
But as she continues to listen the hum of the distant conversation that buzzes the air she knows she’s just reaching, reasoning, grasping for the last thread of what she knew and how she felt before the Kanes went to Italy, when things were normal and her head wasn’t all muddled with right and wrong and gray areas.
Regardless of real or created, Veronica right now likes Logan more than she should and she knows, too, that she can no longer rely on her internal gauge, that innate guilt - which has been entirely sporadic lately - to keep her from thinking, saying, doing something stupid or life altering while Lilly and Duncan are away. Between that and having to consciously remind herself that there are in fact other people affected by her actions and choices, she can only figure that if things continue as they are it will mean more and more gray areas, less reasoning and grasping until Veronica quits caring all-together; about other people’s feelings, about the consequences and eventually, inevitably just… gives in.
Swallowing hard against a rush of emotions Veronica suddenly feels the hot sting of a tear snake down her cheek which she bats away, squeezing her eyes shut with the tiniest wish; for something somehow to change. For Lilly to call and say she fell in love with Italy and plans to study abroad for senior year, or for Celeste - in her grand plan to groom her son to be the next JFK - to transfer Duncan to some prep school out East or something so that their separation is no one’s choice, merely a circumstance beyond their control. No broken hearts or broken promises, just life getting in the way.
Sharp, synchronized chuckles pierce the room then, very literally shaking her and Veronica looks down to see that she is gripping hard to a glass, the steamy outline of her own palm print still emblazoned on it as she unsteadily sets it in the dish rack.
Collecting herself she methodically goes about finishing up, starting the dishwasher, and wiping down the counters while trying desperately to calm her still racing heart with deep, staggering breaths.
***
part two