Musings
I've actually been meaning to post here for about a week now and keep either getting distracted with other things, or just getting busy and not having the chance. I hope everyone is doing well!!
I guess the point of this post is that there's a lot of stuff going on in my head and I just need to get it out in the open to make room for something else to get in. LOL
The big thing that's been on my mind is that this is the time of year when my mama passed away four years ago. Sometimes that seems like it really was years ago since I last saw her, and other times I can't believe it's actually been that long. The good news is that I've been doing much better recently. For the longest time, I didn't deal with the situation at all, I just pushed it away and distanced myself from it. I went back to work and just proceeded with life as usual. Since then, I've been able to just allow my thoughts to come and go and I recognize what I am feeling and though rare, I sometimes even talk about it. lol So...just putting that out there instead of ignoring it. Love ya mama.
In other news...as you all know, I am still looking for a job. The students start class on the 18th, so hopefully things will start opening up then. I've been spending so much time poring over job listings and applying like a madwoman, to the point that I am not going for the "desperate" level jobs, but I have been applying for things I wouldn't normally be excited about doing because I am getting restless and frustrated and stressed about not working.
Well, I took a step back after talking to Candi. She said that she didn't want me to take a job just because it was the first job that came up...she wanted me to do something that I really wanted to do and that would make me happy.
So I started thinking. What would make me happy? What do I really want to do. *blink *blink *hears crickets
That's right folks...I am almost 31 years old and I have no idea. NONE. I honestly can't think of something that I would love to do more than anything or that I would look forward to doing for a living. I am not sure how I got here, but I'm a bit lost. Instead of having dreams and aspirations, I find myself in the category of "just work and get paid and get by. That will do." o_O That doesn't sound like me...I didn't even sound like that when I lived in the boondocks with limited options.
So, I am still applying for jobs and still feeling pangs of guilt for turning down a telemarketing position. I don't really feel like I have the right to bitch about not being able to find a job when something opens up and I refuse...but if you guys know me at all...I DO know telemarketing is not my deal. My brother -- he could sell ice to an Eskimo, but me...not so much.
Speaking of my brother...as of August 1st, his divorce was final. I haven't really talked to him about it yet, but he's been the one pushing for it, so I imagine he's pretty happy. lol
Oh! Candi told me that Heroes comes back in September! YIPPEE!! I find it highly amusing that she doesn't even watch the show and she knew that, when I have been asking my fellow Heroes watchers and no one knew anything. LOL
That reminds me, yesterday I went to check the mail and had something addressed to me from the Federal Investigative Services Division. Needless to say, I was looking at it and knowing that I hadn't applied to any positions with them and therefore wondering what the hell was going on. When I opened it, I laughed because it was a reference survey for Candi. LOL I seriously couldn't imagine what in the world could have been in that envelope for ME. For Candi, maybe...but not me. LOL
Candi and I finally rented Oceans 13 and watched it...which of course sparked interest in watching Oceans 11 and 12. I had only seen them all one time and so it was really fun to go back and watch them all again. I love a good story like that and you can't deny that the eye candy is a definite plus.
We also watched Hot Fuzz...OMFGFUNNY!! I saw Shaun of the Dead ages ago and so when I saw this trailer, I was excited...not to mention there was an excessive use of guns. *pets them
My goodness...Candi and I laughed SO hard at some of the parts. Simon Pegg is just the cutest little thing.
Anywho...I know that there's other things going on that I haven't talked about, but I think this is enough for one post. LOL
I love you guys...seriously. *huge huggles and smiles
I guess the point of this post is that there's a lot of stuff going on in my head and I just need to get it out in the open to make room for something else to get in. LOL
The big thing that's been on my mind is that this is the time of year when my mama passed away four years ago. Sometimes that seems like it really was years ago since I last saw her, and other times I can't believe it's actually been that long. The good news is that I've been doing much better recently. For the longest time, I didn't deal with the situation at all, I just pushed it away and distanced myself from it. I went back to work and just proceeded with life as usual. Since then, I've been able to just allow my thoughts to come and go and I recognize what I am feeling and though rare, I sometimes even talk about it. lol So...just putting that out there instead of ignoring it. Love ya mama.
In other news...as you all know, I am still looking for a job. The students start class on the 18th, so hopefully things will start opening up then. I've been spending so much time poring over job listings and applying like a madwoman, to the point that I am not going for the "desperate" level jobs, but I have been applying for things I wouldn't normally be excited about doing because I am getting restless and frustrated and stressed about not working.
Well, I took a step back after talking to Candi. She said that she didn't want me to take a job just because it was the first job that came up...she wanted me to do something that I really wanted to do and that would make me happy.
So I started thinking. What would make me happy? What do I really want to do. *blink *blink *hears crickets
That's right folks...I am almost 31 years old and I have no idea. NONE. I honestly can't think of something that I would love to do more than anything or that I would look forward to doing for a living. I am not sure how I got here, but I'm a bit lost. Instead of having dreams and aspirations, I find myself in the category of "just work and get paid and get by. That will do." o_O That doesn't sound like me...I didn't even sound like that when I lived in the boondocks with limited options.
So, I am still applying for jobs and still feeling pangs of guilt for turning down a telemarketing position. I don't really feel like I have the right to bitch about not being able to find a job when something opens up and I refuse...but if you guys know me at all...I DO know telemarketing is not my deal. My brother -- he could sell ice to an Eskimo, but me...not so much.
Speaking of my brother...as of August 1st, his divorce was final. I haven't really talked to him about it yet, but he's been the one pushing for it, so I imagine he's pretty happy. lol
Oh! Candi told me that Heroes comes back in September! YIPPEE!! I find it highly amusing that she doesn't even watch the show and she knew that, when I have been asking my fellow Heroes watchers and no one knew anything. LOL
That reminds me, yesterday I went to check the mail and had something addressed to me from the Federal Investigative Services Division. Needless to say, I was looking at it and knowing that I hadn't applied to any positions with them and therefore wondering what the hell was going on. When I opened it, I laughed because it was a reference survey for Candi. LOL I seriously couldn't imagine what in the world could have been in that envelope for ME. For Candi, maybe...but not me. LOL
Candi and I finally rented Oceans 13 and watched it...which of course sparked interest in watching Oceans 11 and 12. I had only seen them all one time and so it was really fun to go back and watch them all again. I love a good story like that and you can't deny that the eye candy is a definite plus.
We also watched Hot Fuzz...OMFGFUNNY!! I saw Shaun of the Dead ages ago and so when I saw this trailer, I was excited...not to mention there was an excessive use of guns. *pets them
My goodness...Candi and I laughed SO hard at some of the parts. Simon Pegg is just the cutest little thing.
Anywho...I know that there's other things going on that I haven't talked about, but I think this is enough for one post. LOL
I love you guys...seriously. *huge huggles and smiles