We fall apart together...
The Pistons lost to the Spurs tonight. 84-71. Or was it 81-74. I don't remember. The Pistons played fairly poorly, which sucked. The Spurs played fantastically, so they deserved it. I'm still sad though.
Today was alright. I went to Charlevoix with Andrew, Megan and Kyle this afternoon. There was a concert downtown in the park at the bandshell. Kendall's band All Odds Against, Randy's band Anchor Against Reality and another band, Two Faced Heroes, played. They were fucking awesome. However, there were some stodgey old ladies who were complaining about the music being played as they walked past. They said it was too loud. Well, sorry ladies, we're only trying to have a good time. Enjoy our music and such. Which would they rather us do, be off drinking and doing drugs or playing music? Honestly here. So they complained to the cops, who shut it down. So Randy shouted, "All right guys! Since we can't be playing music, let's all go do drugs and get wasted!" Everyone cheered and started saying things like, "Heaven forbid we actually play music!! Gasp!" Stupid rich fudgies. I hate them. I wished they'd just go the fuck home and stop coming up here. They ruined what was by far a kick-ass concert. At least All Odds Against got to play. But still. It sucked. We were pretty pissed off....
After that we all went to Pizza Hut. Twenty-two of us. It was awesome. We attempted to play Telephone, which was very hilarious.
Megan, Andrew, Kyle and I left after a bit. We stopped to put gas in my car and then went back to Petoskey and headed over to Roast & Toast. We planned to watch the game at Kyle's. Andrew said he had to go home to get a change of clothes. Megan said she'd take him, but I insisted I didn't mind. Oooohhhh Julie Bean. Honey, don't go there. Don't even think about it. Remember the last entry. Remember the last entry. Remember the... are you even listening!? Don't push the sensible Julie out of your head!! No!!! Hey! Stop!! Don't!!! Listen to... Goodbye sensible Julie!!! See you later!
I took Andrew out there. Tim was outside with Josh, Dannon, Derek, and a few of Derek's friends putting together their new basketball hoop. Dumb Julie. Damnit!!!!! WHY!? We talked with them for a bit. Got back in my car. Left.
DAMNIT. That made your fucking day, didn't it? *whispers* Yes? Wait, I mean NO! I mean... ugh. You dummy. Damnit.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Not allowed. Go back and read my last entry, will you? Remind me what I said. Okay? Pllllleeeeaaaassseeee. I'm begging you. Remind me of how bad I am at liking someone. How bad I am at such like that. Dude, you suck. Remember? At love? At relationships? At anything like that, okay? Please?
Is that even allowed? Are you allowed to swear off relationships and still like someone? No. Is there some kind of loophole? No. Is there some rule book that has rule #3987 listed as "It's okay to like someone while hating relationships like fuck"? No. No? What the fuck? Why am I saying no? How the hell do I know if there is? Easy. I just don't!!!! Sheesh.
Besides, it's me. ME. Me. Remember? I don't really like me much. I want to, but I just don't. Megs tells me I'm pretty. Kat does. Dora does. All you girls do. Andrew does, but he's like my big brother. He has to. My mom does. My dad does. They're my parents. They have to. My brother doesn't. He called me fat and ugly a few days ago. It made me cry. I look in the mirror. I see sad green eyes, wishing for something to light them up. Hidden behind much make-up. I see chubby cheeks. Those weren't there before. Get rid of 'em. Now! I see someone wanting to smile, but wondering what to smile at. Someone searching for something that will make her smile. I want to smile. I try to every day. Forced or not. It doesn't matter. I try.
You know what's hard? Admitting the truth to yourself. I hate it. Why do we have to do it? Can't we just lie to ourselves and call it good? Noooo. Of course not. That's personally unethical. Or whatever.
Sometimes I make myself laugh. I'm so silly.
I... like someone?
What, Julie? Did you say something?
Nope. You didn't.
That's what I thought.
It's 3:39 a.m. Goodnight all. Sleep tight.
To quote the kick-ass Kris Demeanor... "Wishing will make it so..."
Not always though, Kris... not all the time...
.: Julie :.