Cradle the Moon
The Pistons won tonight. Against the Spurs. Beat them by nine points. The series is tied at 3-3. Now they have to play a game 7 on Thursday night. The first game 7 in 11 years. GO DETROIT PISTONS!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
I hung out with Megan today. We went and picked up Andrew, took him back to his house, left so he could do laundry and shower, picked up sandwiches for the three of us for dinner and then went back to his house. He was so upset. The washing machine completely leaked water all over the basement floor and all of his clothes were soaking wet. So we put them on the porch and on Cody's car to dry. Then we ate our sandwiches and left for another 45 minutes to let him get his shower and disassemble the drum set to take over to Kyle's. So Megan and I went to Lincoln Elementary School and played on the swings for that amount of time. It was fun! We kept quoting Robin Williams Live On Broadway and Comedy Central Presents Dane Cook. So funny. Then we went and picked Josh and Dannon up from work and went back to their house. Helped Andrew load the drums and equipment into the car. Watched a little bit of the Pistons game with Tim and the boys. Then we watched Ezra and Josh wrestle on the floor. It was hilarious. Ezra outweighs Josh by about 120 pounds. Honestly! Ezra is about 220, Andrew said. Andrew had to stop the wrestling match because neither one of them would give up, and Josh looked like he was going to pass out. Poor Josh worked all day and then got sat on and rolled on by Ezra. Ouch. Not so cool. After leaving the house, we went to Taco Bell to get Andrew something to eat, and then out to Kyle's where we helped unload equipment. Megan and I left after a bit to go over to her house. I watched the last kick-ass minute and twenty-five seconds of the game with Dan and Mr. Branson. We were freaking out :-D Then Megan and I drove back into town to Andrew's house to get the seats to put back into my dad's van. Now that was hilarious. We couldn't lift them. When we did, and got them in the car, we couldn't get them to stay. They kept rolling everywhere. But we figured it out. Then when we were putting the second seat in, it was much heavier than the first. We were laughing so hard we had to put it down and sit down for a minute. Then we picked it back up and set it in the car, but we pushed it in so hard that we both fell over into the trunk, laughing hysterically. It was great. Then we went inside to leave a note for Josh and Dannon, but we couldn't find a pen. Derek came out in his boxers *shudders*, and then Josh walked in and Megan and I said, "You're here!" We thought he was out with Dannon. I felt so bad for Josh! He had a red blackish mark under his eye where Ezra socked him. And then he had these scratches on his arm, and on his back. Poor thing. Megan, Andrew, Josh, Dannon and I are going to hang out tomorrow night. Kyle too, if he's not working. And Dan. Maybe?
Megan and I ranted about things on the way back to Andrew's to get the seats. And I mean everything. Family. Leaving. School. Her going to Paris. Guys. Family. Guys. Family. Have I said guys and family yet? While I listened to her, I really felt Melissa's absence. I don't know why. I just did. I miss her so god damn much... You want to know something horrible? This friend of Dannon and Andrew's, Miriam, was in a car accident last week. She died on Saturday. Her obituary was in the paper today. And while I was reading it, I read that she had gone to Minnesota Teen Challenge Academy... where Melissa goes. And then it all clicked. That was Miriam. Melissa's Miriam. Melissa's friend Miriam. The one who told her about Teen Challenge, and recommended it to her. The one who Melissa talked to about it. Her good friend Miriam. And now she died. Was killed in a car accident. First my poor Melissa's dad died... and now Miriam. I'm going to try and get ahold of Brenda.... just make sure Melissa is alright... pass on my love to her. Let her know I miss her much and can't wait to see her next.
I do. I really miss her. Over this past week, it's been hitting hard. I don't know why. I know she's doing well. I know she might be coming home for a visit something in the beginning/middle of July. I know she's coming home in December. I know she's doing wonderfully and dealing with everything just fine. I know she still loves me and calls me her sister and talks about me everyday just like I talk about her everyday... but I miss her so god damn much right now. But I don't want to tell anyone. It just feels like no one will understand at all. Or they'll shrug it off. And I don't want to talk to Megan and Andrew about it, because I don't really think they like hearing me talk about Melissa. It seems to get very awkward for them. Understandable. But still. I don't know what to do. I miss my sister. I miss Melissa so much. I just wish she'd come home... I just wish I could talk to her. I don't care. I'd take a phone call a week. I'd take a letter a week. Anything. As long as I could stay in touch with her.... I miss her so much....
I've had some realizations. That's what I was talking about when I wrote, "I'll get to that later" in my last entry. I've been thinking.
Love.
"Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love."
"Love is like oxygen."
Ah, Ewan McGregor's Christian.... if only every guy were like you. All girls would be happy. And in love.
I've come to dislike love. I've come to hate it. I've come to long for it. If that makes any sense at all.
Over the past week or so, I've decided to let Kyle go. Not stop loving him, but let him go. Love him in a different way. Love him in the way that he'll always be in my heart as my first love. You know? I've put it behind me. It's in the past. What's done is done. Of course I still regret all of the decisions I've made... but who doesn't?
I'm swearing off love. Relationships. Everything that has to do with anything on love. What the fuck ever. I screw up too much. I don't want to hurt anyone any more. I don't want to play with anyone's heart. The best way to do that? Keep my distance. Save everyone else. I can deal with it. I'm not missing anything. It's not like someone likes me right now, causing me to break their heart... Right? It's not like I'm causing myself pain by doing this... right? Wrong? I don't know anymore. I just don't know.
While driving back to the guys' house, I looked up at the moon. It's fairly cool out tonight. The sky is completely clear. The moon is bright. I wish for nothing more than to find the biggest ladder... one made for the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk, preferably... or even the beanstalk itself... and climb up. Climb up to the moon and crawl into a crater. Cradle myself in the moon and blanket myself with the stars. And dream wonderful things. The stars will keep me safe. They'll save me from heartache. They'll keep me from a smile. Bright eyes. Anything. A touch of a hand. A wave. Anything human. Any emotion. They'll keep me safe from everything. And I'll never have to face love again. Goodbye silly crushes. Goodbye wishful thinking. Goodbye longing. Goodbye the need for an embrace. Goodbye love. Hello stars.
I'm kidding myself, you realize. I'm a teenage girl. Susceptible to anything and everything. Especially silly crushes. Wishful thinking. Longing. The need for an embrace. Love.
Damn.
As much as I want to, I can't hide from emotion, and I can't hide from myself,
.: Julie :.
I hung out with Megan today. We went and picked up Andrew, took him back to his house, left so he could do laundry and shower, picked up sandwiches for the three of us for dinner and then went back to his house. He was so upset. The washing machine completely leaked water all over the basement floor and all of his clothes were soaking wet. So we put them on the porch and on Cody's car to dry. Then we ate our sandwiches and left for another 45 minutes to let him get his shower and disassemble the drum set to take over to Kyle's. So Megan and I went to Lincoln Elementary School and played on the swings for that amount of time. It was fun! We kept quoting Robin Williams Live On Broadway and Comedy Central Presents Dane Cook. So funny. Then we went and picked Josh and Dannon up from work and went back to their house. Helped Andrew load the drums and equipment into the car. Watched a little bit of the Pistons game with Tim and the boys. Then we watched Ezra and Josh wrestle on the floor. It was hilarious. Ezra outweighs Josh by about 120 pounds. Honestly! Ezra is about 220, Andrew said. Andrew had to stop the wrestling match because neither one of them would give up, and Josh looked like he was going to pass out. Poor Josh worked all day and then got sat on and rolled on by Ezra. Ouch. Not so cool. After leaving the house, we went to Taco Bell to get Andrew something to eat, and then out to Kyle's where we helped unload equipment. Megan and I left after a bit to go over to her house. I watched the last kick-ass minute and twenty-five seconds of the game with Dan and Mr. Branson. We were freaking out :-D Then Megan and I drove back into town to Andrew's house to get the seats to put back into my dad's van. Now that was hilarious. We couldn't lift them. When we did, and got them in the car, we couldn't get them to stay. They kept rolling everywhere. But we figured it out. Then when we were putting the second seat in, it was much heavier than the first. We were laughing so hard we had to put it down and sit down for a minute. Then we picked it back up and set it in the car, but we pushed it in so hard that we both fell over into the trunk, laughing hysterically. It was great. Then we went inside to leave a note for Josh and Dannon, but we couldn't find a pen. Derek came out in his boxers *shudders*, and then Josh walked in and Megan and I said, "You're here!" We thought he was out with Dannon. I felt so bad for Josh! He had a red blackish mark under his eye where Ezra socked him. And then he had these scratches on his arm, and on his back. Poor thing. Megan, Andrew, Josh, Dannon and I are going to hang out tomorrow night. Kyle too, if he's not working. And Dan. Maybe?
Megan and I ranted about things on the way back to Andrew's to get the seats. And I mean everything. Family. Leaving. School. Her going to Paris. Guys. Family. Guys. Family. Have I said guys and family yet? While I listened to her, I really felt Melissa's absence. I don't know why. I just did. I miss her so god damn much... You want to know something horrible? This friend of Dannon and Andrew's, Miriam, was in a car accident last week. She died on Saturday. Her obituary was in the paper today. And while I was reading it, I read that she had gone to Minnesota Teen Challenge Academy... where Melissa goes. And then it all clicked. That was Miriam. Melissa's Miriam. Melissa's friend Miriam. The one who told her about Teen Challenge, and recommended it to her. The one who Melissa talked to about it. Her good friend Miriam. And now she died. Was killed in a car accident. First my poor Melissa's dad died... and now Miriam. I'm going to try and get ahold of Brenda.... just make sure Melissa is alright... pass on my love to her. Let her know I miss her much and can't wait to see her next.
I do. I really miss her. Over this past week, it's been hitting hard. I don't know why. I know she's doing well. I know she might be coming home for a visit something in the beginning/middle of July. I know she's coming home in December. I know she's doing wonderfully and dealing with everything just fine. I know she still loves me and calls me her sister and talks about me everyday just like I talk about her everyday... but I miss her so god damn much right now. But I don't want to tell anyone. It just feels like no one will understand at all. Or they'll shrug it off. And I don't want to talk to Megan and Andrew about it, because I don't really think they like hearing me talk about Melissa. It seems to get very awkward for them. Understandable. But still. I don't know what to do. I miss my sister. I miss Melissa so much. I just wish she'd come home... I just wish I could talk to her. I don't care. I'd take a phone call a week. I'd take a letter a week. Anything. As long as I could stay in touch with her.... I miss her so much....
I've had some realizations. That's what I was talking about when I wrote, "I'll get to that later" in my last entry. I've been thinking.
Love.
"Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love."
"Love is like oxygen."
Ah, Ewan McGregor's Christian.... if only every guy were like you. All girls would be happy. And in love.
I've come to dislike love. I've come to hate it. I've come to long for it. If that makes any sense at all.
Over the past week or so, I've decided to let Kyle go. Not stop loving him, but let him go. Love him in a different way. Love him in the way that he'll always be in my heart as my first love. You know? I've put it behind me. It's in the past. What's done is done. Of course I still regret all of the decisions I've made... but who doesn't?
I'm swearing off love. Relationships. Everything that has to do with anything on love. What the fuck ever. I screw up too much. I don't want to hurt anyone any more. I don't want to play with anyone's heart. The best way to do that? Keep my distance. Save everyone else. I can deal with it. I'm not missing anything. It's not like someone likes me right now, causing me to break their heart... Right? It's not like I'm causing myself pain by doing this... right? Wrong? I don't know anymore. I just don't know.
While driving back to the guys' house, I looked up at the moon. It's fairly cool out tonight. The sky is completely clear. The moon is bright. I wish for nothing more than to find the biggest ladder... one made for the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk, preferably... or even the beanstalk itself... and climb up. Climb up to the moon and crawl into a crater. Cradle myself in the moon and blanket myself with the stars. And dream wonderful things. The stars will keep me safe. They'll save me from heartache. They'll keep me from a smile. Bright eyes. Anything. A touch of a hand. A wave. Anything human. Any emotion. They'll keep me safe from everything. And I'll never have to face love again. Goodbye silly crushes. Goodbye wishful thinking. Goodbye longing. Goodbye the need for an embrace. Goodbye love. Hello stars.
I'm kidding myself, you realize. I'm a teenage girl. Susceptible to anything and everything. Especially silly crushes. Wishful thinking. Longing. The need for an embrace. Love.
Damn.
As much as I want to, I can't hide from emotion, and I can't hide from myself,
.: Julie :.