Summer time blues
I feel like all I do every time I update my journal is complain about my life and how shitty it is. My life is far from shitty compared to some people in the world. I like to bitch and moan about everything but when I sit there and really think about it. I haven't got it bad at all. I have a roof over my head, a great job, awesome friends (sometimes) and I'm alive. What more could I ask for huh? I'm lonely, point blank, lonely. I signed up for a dating website called plenty of fish, and I met this really great guy, well, that lasted a whole week because he came over, I sucked his dick and he basically never talked to me again. Met another guy, we dated for about a month, he would come over and we'd do what we had to do, he took me on dates and what not. I really liked him, but he kept comparing me to his ex, so I finally told him, I'm not your ex, nor will I ever be so I guess that's it. So we talked for a little while longer, then I found out he was dating someone else and I told him I didnt wanna talk to him anymore and he couldnt understand why, I said because if I'm not good enough for you to date, then I'm not good enough to be friends with you. That was that and I havent heard anything from him since.
I dont know what it is about me that cant keep a boyfriend, I'm a nice fucking person, I would do anything for the guy I'm with. Yeah I have an attitude but who doesn't? I can be a bit of a prude, a priss, a drama queen, and whiny, but that's just me. I have a good heart, I'm nice looking, yeah I'm fat, but my personality is amazing. No one can seem to look past the exterior. Now I'm not saying that looks don't matter because I dont date ugly people...just sayin. But like so what I'm fat, get over it, so is half of America and we need some loving too. Ive become like obsessed with trying to find a bf and what not. I look on the site every night and I message guys seeing if they wanna talk and they just ignore me. Do I have a sign posted on my forehead that says, I'm desperate, don't talk to me? Because that is certainly what it feels like. I'm so depressed about it. I just want someone to love, someone I can come home to and give a hug and a kiss, and to talk about my day at work. That's not a whole lot to ask for. Sometimes I lay there at night and think to myself, I must be a horrible fucking person if no one wants to talk to me. Or are guys really that shallow that they cant see past how I look. I really don't know and its really bothersome to me.
I should be happy to be single and just wait for the right guy to come along, but I'm impatient as fuck and want a bf. I think if I was skinny, I'd probably be a slut, because then every guy would wanna be with me and I'd just bend over and take it. But I'm not skinny, and I dont sleep around and mother fucker, I'm not someone you can just use and then leave me, I'm a gods honest good person and to all you assholes who are passing up the opportunity to be with me, shame on you because you are missing out on the love of your life and I could make someone the happiest man alive, but no one is willing to take that chance with me.
I guess thats all for now, next time maybe I wont be so down. but I doubt that.
Josh
I dont know what it is about me that cant keep a boyfriend, I'm a nice fucking person, I would do anything for the guy I'm with. Yeah I have an attitude but who doesn't? I can be a bit of a prude, a priss, a drama queen, and whiny, but that's just me. I have a good heart, I'm nice looking, yeah I'm fat, but my personality is amazing. No one can seem to look past the exterior. Now I'm not saying that looks don't matter because I dont date ugly people...just sayin. But like so what I'm fat, get over it, so is half of America and we need some loving too. Ive become like obsessed with trying to find a bf and what not. I look on the site every night and I message guys seeing if they wanna talk and they just ignore me. Do I have a sign posted on my forehead that says, I'm desperate, don't talk to me? Because that is certainly what it feels like. I'm so depressed about it. I just want someone to love, someone I can come home to and give a hug and a kiss, and to talk about my day at work. That's not a whole lot to ask for. Sometimes I lay there at night and think to myself, I must be a horrible fucking person if no one wants to talk to me. Or are guys really that shallow that they cant see past how I look. I really don't know and its really bothersome to me.
I should be happy to be single and just wait for the right guy to come along, but I'm impatient as fuck and want a bf. I think if I was skinny, I'd probably be a slut, because then every guy would wanna be with me and I'd just bend over and take it. But I'm not skinny, and I dont sleep around and mother fucker, I'm not someone you can just use and then leave me, I'm a gods honest good person and to all you assholes who are passing up the opportunity to be with me, shame on you because you are missing out on the love of your life and I could make someone the happiest man alive, but no one is willing to take that chance with me.
I guess thats all for now, next time maybe I wont be so down. but I doubt that.
Josh