Goodbye.
I started this journal with the idea of "Understanding", that if people understood why I thought the way I did, why I did what I did, or even just my side of the story... they'd be kinder, or maybe even side with me. I in kind was obsessed with understanding others, and helping them. I believed every problem stemmed from a lack of understanding/clarity, and that people were rational people that would see my point, that in my understanding of them, I could help them better.
They didn't.
Instead this journal was mostly used to attack me by people who were insanely obsessed with the public view on them because they knew just how badly they treated me, and if that got out, they believed their friends would turn on them.
They didn't.
In fact, most of them were undyingly loyal even when shown straight up just how horrible they were, like I was supposed to accept that and move on with life, or that I was somehow to blame for those people being cruel. Rather than attack them for their reactions, I was attacked for causing the reaction.
The same standards were not held for me, however. If I reacted poorly, it was on me.
I just... wanted people to understand me. To like me. To know I was a good person. To see I was suffering. Instead it backfired and I was treated as a monster by people that, once they had annihilated me, turned on each other in the most spectacular fashion. So... I don't care. I'm privating my journal and moving on with life. I got better things to do with my time. If you wanna know how I'm doing, you'll have to ask, now.
Goodbye.
They didn't.
Instead this journal was mostly used to attack me by people who were insanely obsessed with the public view on them because they knew just how badly they treated me, and if that got out, they believed their friends would turn on them.
They didn't.
In fact, most of them were undyingly loyal even when shown straight up just how horrible they were, like I was supposed to accept that and move on with life, or that I was somehow to blame for those people being cruel. Rather than attack them for their reactions, I was attacked for causing the reaction.
The same standards were not held for me, however. If I reacted poorly, it was on me.
I just... wanted people to understand me. To like me. To know I was a good person. To see I was suffering. Instead it backfired and I was treated as a monster by people that, once they had annihilated me, turned on each other in the most spectacular fashion. So... I don't care. I'm privating my journal and moving on with life. I got better things to do with my time. If you wanna know how I'm doing, you'll have to ask, now.
Goodbye.