(no subject)
Life goes on as usual. I've been working with the thesis and testing kids this week.
I got an offer to be in a study I'm really interested in. It's a study that compares the effects of traditional CBT to CBT combined with internet-based therapy through the laptop/phone. I'm interested in therapies. There's a lot of things I don't like about myself that I would like some help with to get rid off. The recent sleeping issues due to stress are one of those things. I always compare my own issues to people who actually have a psychiatric diagnosis and in relation to them my issues always seems small... but that doesn't mean they're small to me, if that makes sense. I'm often unhappy and when I get home from school I often feel like I'm just killing time until I can go to bed. I get insanely sad sometimes for no reason. I'm not the type to go to the hospital and actively ask for it, so yeah, would be interesting to try it out without feeling like someone else could have used the therapy better.
Unfortunately if I were to accept I would be forced to stay in Linköping for the better part of 10 weeks. Since I'm writing my thesis and is therefore not required to attend any classes, I was planning on making a longer visit to Tom again. This would have to be at around April, which would collide with the study. So what do I choose? Visiting my boyfriend or taking a shot at this study?
Staying in Abingdon was really fun the last time I did it but I have my qualms about doing it again. First of all, I need to start applying for serious jobs and that means I might need to be in Sweden for interviews. Secondly, I'm just having doubts about everything. At this point in my life I'm not sure I'm willing to move there when summer comes because nothing seems to be working perfectly or even well. Even though I share more with Tom than anyone, he can't or won't do anything except offer useless platitudes when I'm sad. He never remembers things I tell him and he often won't pay attention when I talk which makes me really annoyed. He talks a lot and even if I think it's bullshit or just plain boring sometimes, I still listen. He doesn't do the same to me and keeps apologizing and saying how shit he is when I get mad, but he never changes. The sex doesn't make up for it either. It's the same there; I work hard to please him, then he either completely forgets about me when he's orgasmed or when I ask about it he turns me off by sighing or saying something unsexy. It's like everything is such a bigger deal for him when it is his turn to do something for me; be it a kind gesture, listening or a sexual thing. If he moves here, then fine, I'll give it my best shot. But I'm not moving and passing up on job opportunities here for something as flawed as this. Things need to change first.
So that is it, I suppose. Sorry for the rant. I made a drawing a couple of days ago, if you're interested:
http://joosen.deviantart.com/#/d5rhzy6
I got an offer to be in a study I'm really interested in. It's a study that compares the effects of traditional CBT to CBT combined with internet-based therapy through the laptop/phone. I'm interested in therapies. There's a lot of things I don't like about myself that I would like some help with to get rid off. The recent sleeping issues due to stress are one of those things. I always compare my own issues to people who actually have a psychiatric diagnosis and in relation to them my issues always seems small... but that doesn't mean they're small to me, if that makes sense. I'm often unhappy and when I get home from school I often feel like I'm just killing time until I can go to bed. I get insanely sad sometimes for no reason. I'm not the type to go to the hospital and actively ask for it, so yeah, would be interesting to try it out without feeling like someone else could have used the therapy better.
Unfortunately if I were to accept I would be forced to stay in Linköping for the better part of 10 weeks. Since I'm writing my thesis and is therefore not required to attend any classes, I was planning on making a longer visit to Tom again. This would have to be at around April, which would collide with the study. So what do I choose? Visiting my boyfriend or taking a shot at this study?
Staying in Abingdon was really fun the last time I did it but I have my qualms about doing it again. First of all, I need to start applying for serious jobs and that means I might need to be in Sweden for interviews. Secondly, I'm just having doubts about everything. At this point in my life I'm not sure I'm willing to move there when summer comes because nothing seems to be working perfectly or even well. Even though I share more with Tom than anyone, he can't or won't do anything except offer useless platitudes when I'm sad. He never remembers things I tell him and he often won't pay attention when I talk which makes me really annoyed. He talks a lot and even if I think it's bullshit or just plain boring sometimes, I still listen. He doesn't do the same to me and keeps apologizing and saying how shit he is when I get mad, but he never changes. The sex doesn't make up for it either. It's the same there; I work hard to please him, then he either completely forgets about me when he's orgasmed or when I ask about it he turns me off by sighing or saying something unsexy. It's like everything is such a bigger deal for him when it is his turn to do something for me; be it a kind gesture, listening or a sexual thing. If he moves here, then fine, I'll give it my best shot. But I'm not moving and passing up on job opportunities here for something as flawed as this. Things need to change first.
So that is it, I suppose. Sorry for the rant. I made a drawing a couple of days ago, if you're interested:
http://joosen.deviantart.com/#/d5rhzy6