What's In A Name: Chapter 3 (Part 2)
What's In A Name: Chapter 3 (Part 2)
What's In A Name: Chapter 3 (Part 2)
Having been away from home for a couple of days and on a Saturday, Gus had choice of what they would do on Sunday.
“The zoo?”
“You wanna go to the zoo?” queried Brian and his son nodded, having taken a mouthful of cereal. Brian looked at Justin and the younger man shrugged.
“Sounds like a plan to me.”
“Then the zoo it is,” agreed Brian.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Watching Justin and Gus at Pets Corner, Brian couldn’t help wondering what the impact on discovering that he had a daughter would have on Justin and on their own family dynamics.
Despite Gus’ outburst that time, the youngster loved Justin and the feeling was mutual. But how would Gus feel if he suddenly had to start sharing him with someone else? And with all the will in the world, Justin couldn’t be in two places at once. If his and Soleil’s relationship developed how it should, then there would surely come a time when Justin would have to choose one youngster over the other.
Brian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Maybe he was getting a little ahead of himself here. But whatever the outcome, he knew that once discovering he had a daughter, there was no way Justin wouldn’t want to be part of her life and his, Gus and Justin’s relationship would be changed forever.
“You’re looking tired,” observed Justin, a little concerned and he handed Brian a coffee from the stand and sat down beside him on a bench. It was actually more like mud than coffee and the plastic spoon practically stood up by itself. But for the moment it would have to do and having first shuddered before even tasting it, Brian was grateful for the kick it gave him.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” admitted the older man truthfully, as they watched Gus pet the goats.
“I know,” agreed Justin. “But look at him … how can anyone say he’s not loved or cared
for?”
“Or at risk for chrissakes,” he continued bitterly, and Brian nodded and then he rolled his lips into his mouth for a few moments as he thought about what he was going to say next.
“Have you … have you ever thought about having kids of your own?” asked Brian. They’d never talked about having children together, though there was really no reason why they shouldn’t and it was a question that Brian had been mulling over since learning of Soleil’s existence and he wondered whether it was something that Justin had ever considered.
“Why? Are you asking?” Justin grinned at him, and then with tongue very firmly stuck in cheek:
“Though you know it’s gonna mess up your figure … but I‘ll still love you when you’re fat and your ankles are the size of …”
“Smart ass,” Brian told him.
“But seriously … have you ever thought about it?”
“Um … well … yeah … I guess it has crossed my mind,” continued Justin, seriously this time.
“I mean you know I love Gus like he was my own … but yeah … seeing the two of you together … I wouldn’t mind that.”
“Maybe we should talk about it some more,” suggested Justin and the other man nodded. Justin frowned. This was the first time Brian had mentioned having more kids and considering what was going on with Gus, it seemed unlikely timing. But having a child with Brian would be the icing on the cake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three days after his encounter with Daphne and still no word from her, Brian was starting to lose a little patience. He acknowledged Daphne’s right to tell Justin about Soleil herself, but she sure was taking her damn time about it and Brian hated keeping the truth from him one moment longer than necessary.
“I’ve been thinking,” stated Justin at the breakfast table and Brian looked up from his coffee and then looked at his watch. It had become part of their routine, to all sit down together for breakfast and even more so now. Brian especially, sought to spend as much time with his son as possible: because you never know what was around the corner. But Gus was cutting it fine this morning and then the youngster made an appearance.
“Glad you could make it,” stated his father and Gus grinned sheepishly. “Sorry … I thought I had all my stuff together, but I didn’t,” stated Gus, sitting down at the table and grabbing a slice of toast.
“Whoa … slow down,” Justin told him and then continued where he’d left off.
“I was thinking … I know it’s still a little way off … but why don’t we have everyone here for Thanksgiving … a real family party?” Brian blinked. Thanksgiving. Another one of those traditional family get togethers, ideal for making memories of times spent with loved ones. But again, one of those family times that were always tinged with a little pain for Brian.
After having met Mikey, making his way into adulthood within the gay community, Brian’s real family memories were those made mostly in the Novotny household, though there were times he couldn’t help still feeling a little like an outsider. Brian had long refused invitations to attend Thanksgiving dinners with his own parents and, in fact, couldn’t remember ever attending one after he started college. His family had eventually evolved from those who’d become his friends, even though he’d thought that highly unlikely at the time. Debbie’s late brother, Vic, had been his mentor and combination of friend and father figure. But now Brian had a family of his own and every minute with them was more precious than he could ever have believed.
Justin, of course, held much fonder memories of his childhood, but even they were now also tainted with a little disappointment. Growing up, he and his younger sister, Molly, had been the apples of their parent’s eyes and the whole family spent quality time together on vacations, picnics and at Christmas and Thanksgiving. Before Justin came out, that is. Naturally, Molly had never done anything to diminish herself in her father’s eyes and even though she hated the way Craig Taylor had treated their mother and Justin, he was still her father and she continued to have regular contact with him and his new wife.
It wasn’t yet two years since Brian and Justin rekindled their relationship and although they regularly had company at the house, they hadn’t yet held a large Thanksgiving dinner. Brian frowned.
“You want everyone over?” he asked him and Justin smiled. “Everyone,” he confirmed and then shrugged. “Well … almost everyone,” he acknowledged and he saw the sideways glance Brian gave him.
“Come on … it’ll be great,” reassured Justin and Brian nodded. “Okay … but don’t forget … Rosa will be wanting to do Thanksgiving for her own family … are you up to cooking a full dinner?” Brian teased him and Justin lifted an eyebrow. “Are we up to it, you mean,” he grinned at him.
“But you have a point.”
“We could have it catered,” suggested Brian, but Justin shook his head. “It would be good to have Em as one of our guests this time … and not expect him to work,” came the answer. Brian nodded but then raised an eyebrow. “True … but I’d hate to get anyone else in,” he observed and Justin nodded in agreement; he could just imagine Em scrutinizing another caterer. No, that didn’t really sound like a good idea at all.
“I know,“ declared Justin. “I’ll call mom … see if she can …”
“That’s cheating” accused Brian, interrupting, but Justin chuckled and shook his head. “Some advice … for recipes, I mean!”
“I wasn’t gonna ask her to cook!”
“Like hell!”
“Dad … that’s five dollars in the piggy bank!” Gus told him, gleefully, referring to their anti-swearing device. Usually managing to refrain in front of Gus, if Brian or Justin did slip up and swear when he was present, then their fine was five dollars. Gus had only let himself down on a couple of occasions, and along with a telling off, his fine was fifty cents a time and all the money collected was donated to the GLC.
Brian groaned and reaching around for his jacket, which was hanging on the back of his chair, he removed his wallet and then the bill. And getting up, he walked over to the counter where, sitting by the microwave was the cute ceramic pig they used on these occasions. He folded the bill and dropped it through the slot. Just as well Gus hadn’t been around the times Brian and Justin were discussing the situation with Joan. The pig would have been stuffed full by now.
“Come on … you’ll be late,” Brian told him as he mussed Gus’ hair, and, walking passed him, reached for his jacket.
“Just coming,” his son informed him and jumping down from the table, went to retrieve his school bag in the hall, which he’d placed down by Brian’s attaché case.
Brian leaned down to kiss Justin, who was still sitting at the table.
“Later.”
“Later,” came the smiling reply and with Brian and Gus having left, Justin reached for the phone.
“Hi mom … “
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I think my mother has a boyfriend,” stated Justin, that evening as he was undressing for bed. During a break from work earlier in the day, he’d already drawn up a guest list and then showed it to Brian at supper.
“A boyfriend?”
“What makes you think that?” Brian asked him as he finished toweling off his hair.
“Well … when I rang her …”
“To ask her to cook Thanksgiving dinner …” interrupted Brian, grinning, and he received a flick for that on the rear with his own towel, which he’d only just removed.
“Ow!”
“Nooo,” stated Justin. “But I admit … I did call to ask her advice.”
“And when I said we wanted her over for Thanksgiving … she asked if it was okay to bring someone.”
“You sure she didn’t mean Molly?” asked Brian and Justin shook his head.
“She would have said if it was Molly … but anyway … she’ll be with dad this year.”
“It was the way mom said it … I knew she meant a guy.”
Brian shrugged. “Your mom’s an attractive woman … stands to reason she wouldn’t be on her own forever,” he stated, picking up his dirty towels and throwing them into the bathroom.
“I guess,” conceded Justin. “I suppose I didn’t think about her dating again … but you’re right … she probably does.“
“And it’s been a long time … dad re-married already.”
“I just wonder why she hasn’t mentioned this guy before.”
Brian nodded. “Do you think it could be serious?” questioned Brian and Justin frowned.
“Nah … she would have said before … wouldn’t she?” asked Justin, throwing back the duvet and climbing into bed. Brian shrugged, but inwardly groaned. What with the worry they both had with Gus and any intentions Joan had of challenging their right to bring him up, Brian hoped that if Jennifer did have a new man in her life that things would go smoothly with Justin. He didn’t want his partner worrying about his mom at the same time as going through the emotional rollercoaster that discovering he was a father would create. Christ. Why does everything come at once?
Climbing into bed beside Justin, the thought did cross Brian’s mind that maybe Jennifer could prove to be an ally. Regardless of the circumstances, after the initial shock, Brian hoped that Jennifer would be stoked to discover she was a grandmother already. At least he hoped so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian’s attorney continued to pull together all the information and facts he could lay his hands on to form a counterclaim for Gus’ custody. There was no doubt about it, Brian’s life since he’d become a full-time dad now centered on Gus, with his relationship with Justin and then his work running pretty close behind.
Brian had to admit to himself that his life now was a total turnaround to what it had been before, but then everyone has to grow up sooner or later.
His life before Gus re-entered it, had become totally dominated by his work. The tricking had become even more meaningless and unfulfilling when Justin had left with Ethan. Brian’s life fell apart, not that he would have admitted it at the time and he threw himself into building up his own business, maintaining the well-rehearsed façade that he needed no-one else.
But even after taking on responsibility for Gus, he still felt incomplete; there was definitely something missing and that something was the love of his life. Little did he know that Gus’ innocent telephone call to a gay radio station in the middle of the night in NYC at Christmastime would totally change all their lives.
Brian had a lot of positives going for him which, in an equal world, would have stood him in good stead when facing a custody battle for his son. But unfortunately, as we all well know, this world is far from equal.
Surprisingly, as yet, there had still been no sign of Child Welfare Services, to which Brian’s attorney remarked that maybe Joan wasn’t quite so sure of her ground as she was trying to make out. Brian hoped to god he was right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About a week after Brian’s last trip to NYC and his encounter with Daphne, and just when he was thinking he was going to have to call her, she rang him at the office. She was obviously still a little anxious after their meeting and wanting reassurance that Brian would help her smooth things over with Justin.
Daphne had already called Justin and said she really wanted to see him and he’d asked her to supper that evening, and it didn’t seem to him that there was anything strange in her asking if Brian was going to be there too. But he had expected her to say she and John would be coming over together, when in fact she said it would just be her. But to be honest, that’s how Justin would really have liked it anyhow; as getting together with Daphne would be just like old times. After a while, Brian would probably leave them to it and go upstairs and do a little work or catch a movie on the tv in their bedroom. Unbelievably, there was the odd occasion, though truthfully, not that often, when that particular TV was switched on. Though it would probably never break down from overuse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Owing to work commitments, Daphne couldn’t get over as early as she’d liked, but Gus was allowed to stay up so they could all eat together. He really liked Daphne and always enjoyed her company. After all, she’d known him almost as long as Justin, though sadly, he had lost contact with her for a while when Justin had no longer been around.
During supper, Justin couldn‘t help thinking that Daphne seemed a little nervous and wondered whether her relationship with John was going through a bad patch. That could account for her wanting to come over on her own, hoping to have a chat with him and maybe even a heart to heart. Justin mentioned Thanksgiving, but it almost sounded as if she’d accepted cautiously, which in fact Daphne had, worried what Justin‘s reaction to her news would be.
Certainly, Daphne wanted to talk to him about something close to her heart, but a million miles away from anything Justin had imagined.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After supper, Gus kissed and hugged Daphne goodnight and then went straight up to get ready for bed, leaving the three adults to their coffee in the living room.
“Does Daph look okay to you?” asked Justin quietly, as he and Brian were clearing away the dirty dishes and taking them into the kitchen. “I hope everything’s okay with John,” he continued, and Brian merely shrugged in reply.
Justin half expected Brian to excuse himself and leave the two old friends to their coffee and catching up, but instead, he settled down on the sofa next to Justin and waited while the chatter seemed to be going in any direction then it should be heading.
Seeing Brian watching her, Daphne took a deep breath and clasped her hands together. Her palms were sweaty and without thinking, she ran them down the side of her pants to dry them off.
“What’s wrong, Daph?” asked Justin, seeing Daphne’s obvious concern on her face and her hesitation and standing up, Daphne took a deep breath. She took a few paces across the room, Justin frowned after her, his anxiety rising, and then she turned to face him.
“Justin … there’s something you should know … something I should have told you a long time ago.”
“Okay,” replied Justin, slowly, his concern deepening further and he looked at Brian, wondering if the man had any idea what was going on. But Brian’s face remained as impassive as he could maintain it.
Retracing her steps back to her seat, Daphne sat down, opened her purse and produced several photographs. She took a deep breath. Across the room, Brian got up from the sofa and moved away. He headed for their drinks supply. He had a feeling everyone would shortly need a little fortification and, of course, it allowed Daphne to take his place on the sofa and sit beside Justin.
“Her name is Soleil … she’s almost twelve,” stated Daphne. Justin took the proffered photographs, the confusion in his eyes obvious and he started to look through the images of the youngster, from baby up to her school photo taken just a couple of months before.
“She’s beautiful … who is she?” asked Justin, for the moment not making the connection and Daphne swallowed.
“She’s my daughter …”
“Our daughter,” she continued huskily and Justin felt his stomach flip.
“OUR daughter?” he asked her in disbelief and after staring at her for several seconds, he then closed his eyes as the realization dawned and he shook his head.
“But … but I thought we’d been so careful,” sighed Justin, looking back at her.
“So did I,” answered Daphne. “But it seems we weren’t careful enough.”
Justin opened his mouth as if to speak, as the enormity of what happened finally hit him, but the words just wouldn’t come. A daughter? He had a daughter? With Daphne?
Crossing the floor towards them, Brian handed them both a shot of whiskey. Both of them took it gratefully. But Justin frowned, realizing from Brian’s actions and his quiet demeanor that it was likely this news was hardly a surprise to him.
Daphne sipped her drink and waited anxiously and she watched Justin place the photographs on the coffee table and take a large swallow of alcohol. Getting up, he moved away from her, and towards Brian. Daphne’s heart fell. Justin was going to hate her for withholding the truth; she just knew it.
“Why?”
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” asked Justin, unable to ignore the feeling of betrayal by his oldest friend and possibly his partner too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For several minutes, Justin listened in silence as Daphne tried to explain to him the same way she’d previously explained her actions to Brian. He couldn’t look at her and he could hardly believe his ears.
“You lied to me Daphne,” stated Justin, eventually, his eyes moist with tears. Daphne shook her head. “I didn’t lie, Justin … I just didn’t tell you the truth.”
“And I know I should have … for both you and Soleil’s sake … but I can’t undo what I did.”
“Did you really think I wouldn’t have looked out for you?”
“No matter what your parents wanted you to do … I would have supported you somehow,” stated Justin, feeling frustrated and let down that his friend hadn’t come to him; hadn’t trusted him to do the right thing, how ever difficult it might have been.
“Like I told Brian … I didn’t want to put pressure on you … you had so much going on … the bashing … your injury …”
“Brian?” cut in Justin, his suspicions confirmed and he turned to the other man. “You knew? You knew … and you didn’t say anything?” asked Justin in disappointed disbelief, the feeling of betrayal growing with every passing moment. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. He’d promised Daphne he wouldn’t say anything; that he’d allow her to explain in person. But he understood how hurt Justin would be feeling, discovering that Brian knew something so important before he did.
“I ran into Daphne last week in New York … Soleil was with her … I …“
“You’ve met her? You’ve met my daughter … before I have?“ questioned Justin, not allowing Brian to finish and the older man glanced over at Daphne before answering. This was turning out even harder than he’d feared.
“Daphne wanted to explain herself,” stated Brian. “I thought she had the right to do that …”
“Rights?”
“Sure … of course I’ve got no rights,” stated Justin. “I mean … I didn’t have the right to know MY daughter existed for nearly twelve years … what the hell’s another fucking week?” he demanded.
“I can’t believe you, Daphne,” declared Justin. “That you would have kept something like this from me,” and he turned towards Brian.
“And you should have told me,” Justin informed him forcefully, and finishing his drink in one final swallow, he placed his empty glass on a side table. Justin crossed the room away from them, stopping just inside the door. He turned around.
“I wanna meet my daughter … as soon as possible,” he demanded and Daphne nodded.
“Of course.”
“I want you to … I want you both to get to know each other,” reassured Daphne and Justin nodded.
“I’ll call you tomorrow … I … I can’t talk about this any more tonight,” stated Justin and with his head spinning, he turned on his heel and marched out the room and up to his studio.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reaching the retreat of his studio and the feeling of sanctuary that it gave him, Justin eventually gave in to the tears. A daughter. He had an eleven year old daughter and he’d missed out on so much.
Justin knew how Brian now regretted not playing a bigger part in Gus’ early life. The heartache the older man bore was obvious to him. But Justin never thought he’d be feeling the same: missing out on all those important stages of your own child’s life. Time he could never get back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disappointed with both Daphne and Brian, even though he knew in his heart that the man only acted in good faith, Justin had picked up his sketchbook and drawn furiously. Consequently, by the time he felt like facing anyone, it was after midnight when he went back downstairs again, and he found Brian alone in the living room, sitting in a chair in semi-darkness and nursing a drink.
The younger man hesitated just inside the door before advancing further. “Has Daphne gone?” asked Justin and Brian nodded before taking a swallow and emptying his glass.
“Hours ago,” came the reply and Justin nodded in acknowledgement before sitting down on the sofa. Getting up, Brian moved to the drinks table, pouring himself a small refill and Justin a more substantial shot.
“She never meant to hurt you, Justin,” Brian informed him, as he handed him the drink. “And neither did I.”
“I know,” accepted Justin and he took a sip of his drink before placing his glass on the coffee table and picking up the photographs that Daphne had left behind. And he looked through them under the low light.
“She is beautiful … but it just all seems so unreal … all this time … and I had a daughter living in New York that I knew nothing about,” the younger man stated, wistfully, as he studied the photographs.
“I would have supported them … somehow … if only Daphne had told me.”
“She knows that,” answered Brian, sitting down beside him.
“Daphne knows she made mistakes … but she wants to put it right,” and reaching out, Brian rubbed the back of Justin’s neck.
“You’ve got a daughter to get to know … don’t think about what might have been … enjoy it now,” Brian told him, but Justin shrugged. “What if she doesn’t want to know me?”
“She does. She’s been asking Daphne about her Dad.”
“Now that Daphne knows you want to get to know her too … she’ll go to New York and tell her all about you.”
Justin frowned and he replaced the photographs on the table before picking up his glass. Sitting back against the sofa, he felt Brian’s fingers resume their stroking, soothing him. But he looked down into his drink. “What if she doesn’t like me?” asked Justin, with sudden concern. Brian smiled.
“What’s not to like?” he reassured him and looking up, Justin smiled back and then fell serious and reaching out, placed his hand on Brian’s knee.
“I’m sorry about earlier … accusing you like that.”
“I guess it was the shock of finding out that you already knew about Soleil.”
“That’s okay,” Brian told him and he saw the younger man frown.
“Soleil?”
“Sunshine,” smiled Brian and Justin chuckled. “I thought as much.”
To be continued.
With very many thanks to Lois and Judy
What's In A Name: Chapter 3 (Part 2)
Having been away from home for a couple of days and on a Saturday, Gus had choice of what they would do on Sunday.
“The zoo?”
“You wanna go to the zoo?” queried Brian and his son nodded, having taken a mouthful of cereal. Brian looked at Justin and the younger man shrugged.
“Sounds like a plan to me.”
“Then the zoo it is,” agreed Brian.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Watching Justin and Gus at Pets Corner, Brian couldn’t help wondering what the impact on discovering that he had a daughter would have on Justin and on their own family dynamics.
Despite Gus’ outburst that time, the youngster loved Justin and the feeling was mutual. But how would Gus feel if he suddenly had to start sharing him with someone else? And with all the will in the world, Justin couldn’t be in two places at once. If his and Soleil’s relationship developed how it should, then there would surely come a time when Justin would have to choose one youngster over the other.
Brian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Maybe he was getting a little ahead of himself here. But whatever the outcome, he knew that once discovering he had a daughter, there was no way Justin wouldn’t want to be part of her life and his, Gus and Justin’s relationship would be changed forever.
“You’re looking tired,” observed Justin, a little concerned and he handed Brian a coffee from the stand and sat down beside him on a bench. It was actually more like mud than coffee and the plastic spoon practically stood up by itself. But for the moment it would have to do and having first shuddered before even tasting it, Brian was grateful for the kick it gave him.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” admitted the older man truthfully, as they watched Gus pet the goats.
“I know,” agreed Justin. “But look at him … how can anyone say he’s not loved or cared
for?”
“Or at risk for chrissakes,” he continued bitterly, and Brian nodded and then he rolled his lips into his mouth for a few moments as he thought about what he was going to say next.
“Have you … have you ever thought about having kids of your own?” asked Brian. They’d never talked about having children together, though there was really no reason why they shouldn’t and it was a question that Brian had been mulling over since learning of Soleil’s existence and he wondered whether it was something that Justin had ever considered.
“Why? Are you asking?” Justin grinned at him, and then with tongue very firmly stuck in cheek:
“Though you know it’s gonna mess up your figure … but I‘ll still love you when you’re fat and your ankles are the size of …”
“Smart ass,” Brian told him.
“But seriously … have you ever thought about it?”
“Um … well … yeah … I guess it has crossed my mind,” continued Justin, seriously this time.
“I mean you know I love Gus like he was my own … but yeah … seeing the two of you together … I wouldn’t mind that.”
“Maybe we should talk about it some more,” suggested Justin and the other man nodded. Justin frowned. This was the first time Brian had mentioned having more kids and considering what was going on with Gus, it seemed unlikely timing. But having a child with Brian would be the icing on the cake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three days after his encounter with Daphne and still no word from her, Brian was starting to lose a little patience. He acknowledged Daphne’s right to tell Justin about Soleil herself, but she sure was taking her damn time about it and Brian hated keeping the truth from him one moment longer than necessary.
“I’ve been thinking,” stated Justin at the breakfast table and Brian looked up from his coffee and then looked at his watch. It had become part of their routine, to all sit down together for breakfast and even more so now. Brian especially, sought to spend as much time with his son as possible: because you never know what was around the corner. But Gus was cutting it fine this morning and then the youngster made an appearance.
“Glad you could make it,” stated his father and Gus grinned sheepishly. “Sorry … I thought I had all my stuff together, but I didn’t,” stated Gus, sitting down at the table and grabbing a slice of toast.
“Whoa … slow down,” Justin told him and then continued where he’d left off.
“I was thinking … I know it’s still a little way off … but why don’t we have everyone here for Thanksgiving … a real family party?” Brian blinked. Thanksgiving. Another one of those traditional family get togethers, ideal for making memories of times spent with loved ones. But again, one of those family times that were always tinged with a little pain for Brian.
After having met Mikey, making his way into adulthood within the gay community, Brian’s real family memories were those made mostly in the Novotny household, though there were times he couldn’t help still feeling a little like an outsider. Brian had long refused invitations to attend Thanksgiving dinners with his own parents and, in fact, couldn’t remember ever attending one after he started college. His family had eventually evolved from those who’d become his friends, even though he’d thought that highly unlikely at the time. Debbie’s late brother, Vic, had been his mentor and combination of friend and father figure. But now Brian had a family of his own and every minute with them was more precious than he could ever have believed.
Justin, of course, held much fonder memories of his childhood, but even they were now also tainted with a little disappointment. Growing up, he and his younger sister, Molly, had been the apples of their parent’s eyes and the whole family spent quality time together on vacations, picnics and at Christmas and Thanksgiving. Before Justin came out, that is. Naturally, Molly had never done anything to diminish herself in her father’s eyes and even though she hated the way Craig Taylor had treated their mother and Justin, he was still her father and she continued to have regular contact with him and his new wife.
It wasn’t yet two years since Brian and Justin rekindled their relationship and although they regularly had company at the house, they hadn’t yet held a large Thanksgiving dinner. Brian frowned.
“You want everyone over?” he asked him and Justin smiled. “Everyone,” he confirmed and then shrugged. “Well … almost everyone,” he acknowledged and he saw the sideways glance Brian gave him.
“Come on … it’ll be great,” reassured Justin and Brian nodded. “Okay … but don’t forget … Rosa will be wanting to do Thanksgiving for her own family … are you up to cooking a full dinner?” Brian teased him and Justin lifted an eyebrow. “Are we up to it, you mean,” he grinned at him.
“But you have a point.”
“We could have it catered,” suggested Brian, but Justin shook his head. “It would be good to have Em as one of our guests this time … and not expect him to work,” came the answer. Brian nodded but then raised an eyebrow. “True … but I’d hate to get anyone else in,” he observed and Justin nodded in agreement; he could just imagine Em scrutinizing another caterer. No, that didn’t really sound like a good idea at all.
“I know,“ declared Justin. “I’ll call mom … see if she can …”
“That’s cheating” accused Brian, interrupting, but Justin chuckled and shook his head. “Some advice … for recipes, I mean!”
“I wasn’t gonna ask her to cook!”
“Like hell!”
“Dad … that’s five dollars in the piggy bank!” Gus told him, gleefully, referring to their anti-swearing device. Usually managing to refrain in front of Gus, if Brian or Justin did slip up and swear when he was present, then their fine was five dollars. Gus had only let himself down on a couple of occasions, and along with a telling off, his fine was fifty cents a time and all the money collected was donated to the GLC.
Brian groaned and reaching around for his jacket, which was hanging on the back of his chair, he removed his wallet and then the bill. And getting up, he walked over to the counter where, sitting by the microwave was the cute ceramic pig they used on these occasions. He folded the bill and dropped it through the slot. Just as well Gus hadn’t been around the times Brian and Justin were discussing the situation with Joan. The pig would have been stuffed full by now.
“Come on … you’ll be late,” Brian told him as he mussed Gus’ hair, and, walking passed him, reached for his jacket.
“Just coming,” his son informed him and jumping down from the table, went to retrieve his school bag in the hall, which he’d placed down by Brian’s attaché case.
Brian leaned down to kiss Justin, who was still sitting at the table.
“Later.”
“Later,” came the smiling reply and with Brian and Gus having left, Justin reached for the phone.
“Hi mom … “
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I think my mother has a boyfriend,” stated Justin, that evening as he was undressing for bed. During a break from work earlier in the day, he’d already drawn up a guest list and then showed it to Brian at supper.
“A boyfriend?”
“What makes you think that?” Brian asked him as he finished toweling off his hair.
“Well … when I rang her …”
“To ask her to cook Thanksgiving dinner …” interrupted Brian, grinning, and he received a flick for that on the rear with his own towel, which he’d only just removed.
“Ow!”
“Nooo,” stated Justin. “But I admit … I did call to ask her advice.”
“And when I said we wanted her over for Thanksgiving … she asked if it was okay to bring someone.”
“You sure she didn’t mean Molly?” asked Brian and Justin shook his head.
“She would have said if it was Molly … but anyway … she’ll be with dad this year.”
“It was the way mom said it … I knew she meant a guy.”
Brian shrugged. “Your mom’s an attractive woman … stands to reason she wouldn’t be on her own forever,” he stated, picking up his dirty towels and throwing them into the bathroom.
“I guess,” conceded Justin. “I suppose I didn’t think about her dating again … but you’re right … she probably does.“
“And it’s been a long time … dad re-married already.”
“I just wonder why she hasn’t mentioned this guy before.”
Brian nodded. “Do you think it could be serious?” questioned Brian and Justin frowned.
“Nah … she would have said before … wouldn’t she?” asked Justin, throwing back the duvet and climbing into bed. Brian shrugged, but inwardly groaned. What with the worry they both had with Gus and any intentions Joan had of challenging their right to bring him up, Brian hoped that if Jennifer did have a new man in her life that things would go smoothly with Justin. He didn’t want his partner worrying about his mom at the same time as going through the emotional rollercoaster that discovering he was a father would create. Christ. Why does everything come at once?
Climbing into bed beside Justin, the thought did cross Brian’s mind that maybe Jennifer could prove to be an ally. Regardless of the circumstances, after the initial shock, Brian hoped that Jennifer would be stoked to discover she was a grandmother already. At least he hoped so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian’s attorney continued to pull together all the information and facts he could lay his hands on to form a counterclaim for Gus’ custody. There was no doubt about it, Brian’s life since he’d become a full-time dad now centered on Gus, with his relationship with Justin and then his work running pretty close behind.
Brian had to admit to himself that his life now was a total turnaround to what it had been before, but then everyone has to grow up sooner or later.
His life before Gus re-entered it, had become totally dominated by his work. The tricking had become even more meaningless and unfulfilling when Justin had left with Ethan. Brian’s life fell apart, not that he would have admitted it at the time and he threw himself into building up his own business, maintaining the well-rehearsed façade that he needed no-one else.
But even after taking on responsibility for Gus, he still felt incomplete; there was definitely something missing and that something was the love of his life. Little did he know that Gus’ innocent telephone call to a gay radio station in the middle of the night in NYC at Christmastime would totally change all their lives.
Brian had a lot of positives going for him which, in an equal world, would have stood him in good stead when facing a custody battle for his son. But unfortunately, as we all well know, this world is far from equal.
Surprisingly, as yet, there had still been no sign of Child Welfare Services, to which Brian’s attorney remarked that maybe Joan wasn’t quite so sure of her ground as she was trying to make out. Brian hoped to god he was right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About a week after Brian’s last trip to NYC and his encounter with Daphne, and just when he was thinking he was going to have to call her, she rang him at the office. She was obviously still a little anxious after their meeting and wanting reassurance that Brian would help her smooth things over with Justin.
Daphne had already called Justin and said she really wanted to see him and he’d asked her to supper that evening, and it didn’t seem to him that there was anything strange in her asking if Brian was going to be there too. But he had expected her to say she and John would be coming over together, when in fact she said it would just be her. But to be honest, that’s how Justin would really have liked it anyhow; as getting together with Daphne would be just like old times. After a while, Brian would probably leave them to it and go upstairs and do a little work or catch a movie on the tv in their bedroom. Unbelievably, there was the odd occasion, though truthfully, not that often, when that particular TV was switched on. Though it would probably never break down from overuse.
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Owing to work commitments, Daphne couldn’t get over as early as she’d liked, but Gus was allowed to stay up so they could all eat together. He really liked Daphne and always enjoyed her company. After all, she’d known him almost as long as Justin, though sadly, he had lost contact with her for a while when Justin had no longer been around.
During supper, Justin couldn‘t help thinking that Daphne seemed a little nervous and wondered whether her relationship with John was going through a bad patch. That could account for her wanting to come over on her own, hoping to have a chat with him and maybe even a heart to heart. Justin mentioned Thanksgiving, but it almost sounded as if she’d accepted cautiously, which in fact Daphne had, worried what Justin‘s reaction to her news would be.
Certainly, Daphne wanted to talk to him about something close to her heart, but a million miles away from anything Justin had imagined.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After supper, Gus kissed and hugged Daphne goodnight and then went straight up to get ready for bed, leaving the three adults to their coffee in the living room.
“Does Daph look okay to you?” asked Justin quietly, as he and Brian were clearing away the dirty dishes and taking them into the kitchen. “I hope everything’s okay with John,” he continued, and Brian merely shrugged in reply.
Justin half expected Brian to excuse himself and leave the two old friends to their coffee and catching up, but instead, he settled down on the sofa next to Justin and waited while the chatter seemed to be going in any direction then it should be heading.
Seeing Brian watching her, Daphne took a deep breath and clasped her hands together. Her palms were sweaty and without thinking, she ran them down the side of her pants to dry them off.
“What’s wrong, Daph?” asked Justin, seeing Daphne’s obvious concern on her face and her hesitation and standing up, Daphne took a deep breath. She took a few paces across the room, Justin frowned after her, his anxiety rising, and then she turned to face him.
“Justin … there’s something you should know … something I should have told you a long time ago.”
“Okay,” replied Justin, slowly, his concern deepening further and he looked at Brian, wondering if the man had any idea what was going on. But Brian’s face remained as impassive as he could maintain it.
Retracing her steps back to her seat, Daphne sat down, opened her purse and produced several photographs. She took a deep breath. Across the room, Brian got up from the sofa and moved away. He headed for their drinks supply. He had a feeling everyone would shortly need a little fortification and, of course, it allowed Daphne to take his place on the sofa and sit beside Justin.
“Her name is Soleil … she’s almost twelve,” stated Daphne. Justin took the proffered photographs, the confusion in his eyes obvious and he started to look through the images of the youngster, from baby up to her school photo taken just a couple of months before.
“She’s beautiful … who is she?” asked Justin, for the moment not making the connection and Daphne swallowed.
“She’s my daughter …”
“Our daughter,” she continued huskily and Justin felt his stomach flip.
“OUR daughter?” he asked her in disbelief and after staring at her for several seconds, he then closed his eyes as the realization dawned and he shook his head.
“But … but I thought we’d been so careful,” sighed Justin, looking back at her.
“So did I,” answered Daphne. “But it seems we weren’t careful enough.”
Justin opened his mouth as if to speak, as the enormity of what happened finally hit him, but the words just wouldn’t come. A daughter? He had a daughter? With Daphne?
Crossing the floor towards them, Brian handed them both a shot of whiskey. Both of them took it gratefully. But Justin frowned, realizing from Brian’s actions and his quiet demeanor that it was likely this news was hardly a surprise to him.
Daphne sipped her drink and waited anxiously and she watched Justin place the photographs on the coffee table and take a large swallow of alcohol. Getting up, he moved away from her, and towards Brian. Daphne’s heart fell. Justin was going to hate her for withholding the truth; she just knew it.
“Why?”
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” asked Justin, unable to ignore the feeling of betrayal by his oldest friend and possibly his partner too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For several minutes, Justin listened in silence as Daphne tried to explain to him the same way she’d previously explained her actions to Brian. He couldn’t look at her and he could hardly believe his ears.
“You lied to me Daphne,” stated Justin, eventually, his eyes moist with tears. Daphne shook her head. “I didn’t lie, Justin … I just didn’t tell you the truth.”
“And I know I should have … for both you and Soleil’s sake … but I can’t undo what I did.”
“Did you really think I wouldn’t have looked out for you?”
“No matter what your parents wanted you to do … I would have supported you somehow,” stated Justin, feeling frustrated and let down that his friend hadn’t come to him; hadn’t trusted him to do the right thing, how ever difficult it might have been.
“Like I told Brian … I didn’t want to put pressure on you … you had so much going on … the bashing … your injury …”
“Brian?” cut in Justin, his suspicions confirmed and he turned to the other man. “You knew? You knew … and you didn’t say anything?” asked Justin in disappointed disbelief, the feeling of betrayal growing with every passing moment. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. He’d promised Daphne he wouldn’t say anything; that he’d allow her to explain in person. But he understood how hurt Justin would be feeling, discovering that Brian knew something so important before he did.
“I ran into Daphne last week in New York … Soleil was with her … I …“
“You’ve met her? You’ve met my daughter … before I have?“ questioned Justin, not allowing Brian to finish and the older man glanced over at Daphne before answering. This was turning out even harder than he’d feared.
“Daphne wanted to explain herself,” stated Brian. “I thought she had the right to do that …”
“Rights?”
“Sure … of course I’ve got no rights,” stated Justin. “I mean … I didn’t have the right to know MY daughter existed for nearly twelve years … what the hell’s another fucking week?” he demanded.
“I can’t believe you, Daphne,” declared Justin. “That you would have kept something like this from me,” and he turned towards Brian.
“And you should have told me,” Justin informed him forcefully, and finishing his drink in one final swallow, he placed his empty glass on a side table. Justin crossed the room away from them, stopping just inside the door. He turned around.
“I wanna meet my daughter … as soon as possible,” he demanded and Daphne nodded.
“Of course.”
“I want you to … I want you both to get to know each other,” reassured Daphne and Justin nodded.
“I’ll call you tomorrow … I … I can’t talk about this any more tonight,” stated Justin and with his head spinning, he turned on his heel and marched out the room and up to his studio.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reaching the retreat of his studio and the feeling of sanctuary that it gave him, Justin eventually gave in to the tears. A daughter. He had an eleven year old daughter and he’d missed out on so much.
Justin knew how Brian now regretted not playing a bigger part in Gus’ early life. The heartache the older man bore was obvious to him. But Justin never thought he’d be feeling the same: missing out on all those important stages of your own child’s life. Time he could never get back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disappointed with both Daphne and Brian, even though he knew in his heart that the man only acted in good faith, Justin had picked up his sketchbook and drawn furiously. Consequently, by the time he felt like facing anyone, it was after midnight when he went back downstairs again, and he found Brian alone in the living room, sitting in a chair in semi-darkness and nursing a drink.
The younger man hesitated just inside the door before advancing further. “Has Daphne gone?” asked Justin and Brian nodded before taking a swallow and emptying his glass.
“Hours ago,” came the reply and Justin nodded in acknowledgement before sitting down on the sofa. Getting up, Brian moved to the drinks table, pouring himself a small refill and Justin a more substantial shot.
“She never meant to hurt you, Justin,” Brian informed him, as he handed him the drink. “And neither did I.”
“I know,” accepted Justin and he took a sip of his drink before placing his glass on the coffee table and picking up the photographs that Daphne had left behind. And he looked through them under the low light.
“She is beautiful … but it just all seems so unreal … all this time … and I had a daughter living in New York that I knew nothing about,” the younger man stated, wistfully, as he studied the photographs.
“I would have supported them … somehow … if only Daphne had told me.”
“She knows that,” answered Brian, sitting down beside him.
“Daphne knows she made mistakes … but she wants to put it right,” and reaching out, Brian rubbed the back of Justin’s neck.
“You’ve got a daughter to get to know … don’t think about what might have been … enjoy it now,” Brian told him, but Justin shrugged. “What if she doesn’t want to know me?”
“She does. She’s been asking Daphne about her Dad.”
“Now that Daphne knows you want to get to know her too … she’ll go to New York and tell her all about you.”
Justin frowned and he replaced the photographs on the table before picking up his glass. Sitting back against the sofa, he felt Brian’s fingers resume their stroking, soothing him. But he looked down into his drink. “What if she doesn’t like me?” asked Justin, with sudden concern. Brian smiled.
“What’s not to like?” he reassured him and looking up, Justin smiled back and then fell serious and reaching out, placed his hand on Brian’s knee.
“I’m sorry about earlier … accusing you like that.”
“I guess it was the shock of finding out that you already knew about Soleil.”
“That’s okay,” Brian told him and he saw the younger man frown.
“Soleil?”
“Sunshine,” smiled Brian and Justin chuckled. “I thought as much.”
To be continued.
With very many thanks to Lois and Judy