What's In A Name? Chapter 3 (Part 1)
What's In A Name? Chapter 3 (Part 1)
“It means Sunshine.”
With her mouth sandpaper dry, Daphne tried to swallow and she squeezed Soleil’s shoulder. He had to know. The way he looked at her and the way he said those words; surely Brian had to know. But Soleil only grinned, impressed though slightly disappointed, that Brian knew what her name stood for.
Even though the store was busy, there now seemed to be an uncanny silence, as if everyone knew the enormity of what just happened and was waiting for someone else to start speaking and in the end, it was Brian.
Putting his hand inside his jacket pocket and pulling out his wallet, he extracted a large denomination bill.
“Here … “ and he smiled at Soleil.
“Why don’t you go get that Barbie you wanted?”
Soleil blinked and looked up at Daphne. “Can I mom?” she asked her and hardly able to think of anything or even answer the girl coherently, Daphne could only nod.
“Thanks,” grinned Soleil at Brian and reaching out, she took the bill from him and skipped happily away.
“Don’t get lost,” called Daphne after her, finally finding her voice. “Stay at the display … I’ll catch you up.”
“Okay, mom,” confirmed Soleil over her shoulder and she disappeared around the end of the aisle. Daphne looked at the floor, unable to look Brian in the eye.
“When were you planning on telling him?” asked Brian quietly and Daphne shook her head. Of course Brian would guess, one look at Soleil and anyone who knew them would probably put two and two together. She’d always meant to explain, but Daphne knew that any explanation now would probably only sound cold or just plain lame.
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Brian’s plan that Saturday after finishing the last of the paperwork Cynthia wanted him to look at, had been to make a relatively quick visit to the toy store on the way to the airport and then get back home late afternoon. But that visit to the store had uncovered something so unexpected and unbelievable that there was nothing he could do but delay his departure and try and uncover the truth.
There was no way a serious conversation could be conducted in the aisle of a toy store, and though seemingly a little reluctant at first, Daphne agreed to meet Brian at the Fifth Avenue Coffee Bar and Restaurant and tipping the waiter to find him the quietest corner, Brian took his seat to wait and ordered a coffee.
Five minutes later and still leaving his coffee to cool, Brian‘s cell rang and flipping it open, he momentarily closed his eyes as the caller ID flashed.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” answered Justin and Brian took a deep breath. For once, this was one time when he almost wished that Justin hadn’t called him, or at least not at this very minute.
“Gus made me promise to ring you to check when you were getting back in … I think he’s angling for a trip to the airport,” chuckled Justin.
“Things have taken a little longer than I thought,” stated Brian, hoping there was enough truth in that statement for Justin to not detect anything was wrong.
“I’ll be on a later flight.”
“Tell Gus next time.”
“I’ll tell him,” agreed Justin and Brian could almost hear the frown.
“Are you okay?” the younger man asked him, thinking he could hear the meerest hesitation in Brian‘s voice.
“Sure,” answered Brian, as lightly as possible and hating that he wasn‘t being as truthful as he wanted.
“Did Gus have a good game?” he continued, hoping he’d deflected Justin’s concern.
“Yeah … they drew … Gus scored the equalizer …”
“He’s outside, cleaning his boots … I’ll put him on,” and Justin walked from the living room through the kitchen and out into the patio at the rear of the house.
Brian looked around the coffee shop and then at his watch. There was no sign of Daphne, but she wasn’t yet running late. There should be time to have a quick conversation with Gus before she arrived, and besides, he’d never turn down the chance to talk to his son, fearing the one time he was ‘too busy’ was the time that Gus might need him the most. Or worst, that something might happen and he’d miss the last, all important, opportunity.
“Hi dad,” grinned Gus down the phone and his dad grinned in return.
“Hi champ … I hear you had a good game.”
“Yeah … we were okay … we drew.“
“I scored once … and so did Tyler,” Gus answered proudly, and Brian grinned wider, hearing his son swell with pride.
“I’m very proud of you, Gus,” Brian told him. “But I’d still be proud if you didn’t score … or the team didn’t win … you know that, don’t you?” asked Brian and Gus nodded.
“Sure dad.”
“Good.”
“Now … I’m running a little late … I probably won’t be home until this evening … but we’ll do something tomorrow … okay?”
“Okay dad,” his son answered him.
“Good boy … I’ll see you later.”
“Now … can you pass me back to Justin?” requested Brian and he heard the phone handed over.
“Hi.”
“Hi … has everything been okay … any problems?” asked Brian and Justin shook his head.
“No … don’t worry … everything’s fine,” Justin informed him as he watched Gus finish cleaning off his boots. He knew Brian was no doubt referring to anything odd, or anyone new or strange hanging around, watching Gus. Someone who might be a threat.
“Shall I hold dinner?” asked Justin.
“No … you and Gus go right ahead … I’ll have something later,” answered Brian and Justin grinned.
“I could keep something hot for you.”
“Mmm … I look forward to it,” answered Brian, also smiling and his answer wasn’t lost on Justin. And then his sense of humor disappeared as he saw Daphne enter the coffee shop.
“Later.”
“Later,” Justin answered him.
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Daphne had taken Soleil straight home, with her new prized possession to add to her collection of Barbie Dolls. Daphne had intended spending the whole day with her as it was Saturday and no school, but now she had to explain that something had come up and that she’d be back later.
Steeling herself, Daphne opened the door to the coffee shop and looked around. Having been informed that he was expecting someone, a member of staff came to her aid and guided her to Brian’s table, where they now both ordered refreshments, though neither of them were interested in eating anything.
“Did you get Gus the wand?” asked Daphne and Brian frowned. “What?”
“The Harry Potter Wand … you were looking at it in the store.”
“Oh,” answered Brian and he shook his head. “I decided to get it mail order … that and the monster kit … I’ll save them for Christmas.”
“He’ll love them,” answered Daphne smiling weakly and she saw Brian look down at his hands. Obviously, he was in no mood for small talk and she took a deep breath.
“You obviously guessed … about Soleil I mean,” stated Daphne and Brian looked up at her and shrugged.
“That Justin’s her father? You could hardly miss it … and not just from her name,” he replied and Daphne nodded and then smiled.
“She’s very like him … she knows what she wants and goes after it.”
“She’s a smart kid too,” she said proudly and Brian nodded. “Well, with you and Justin as her parents … she could hardly turn out any other way.”
Daphne nodded again and then sighed. “I suppose you’re waiting for me to tell you why I didn’t tell Justin he had a daughter?”
“Crossed my mind,” stated Brian and then he frowned.
“Unless Justin’s been kidding me all this time … I’m assuming Soleil’s the product of … of …”
“My first time … and my only time with Justin,” confirmed Daphne, helping him out; Daphne’s first time and Justin’s only time with a girl.
“Knowing Justin … I thought you’d have all the bases covered,” continued Brian frowning and Daphne nodded again. “So did I.”
“But the condom must have broke … or leaked … and we didn’t realize … it was a pretty heavy deal for me,” admitted Daphne.
“It was for Justin too … you trusting him enough to ask him,” stated Brian. “But when you found out you were pregnant … why the hell didn’t you tell him?” he asked her, exasperated and trying to understand why Daphne would have kept something so huge as having a baby from the child’s father.
“I wanted to … but at first … I didn’t realize I was pregnant … I’ve never been particularly regular,“ stated Daphne, which definitely came under the heading of TMI as far as Brian was concerned.
“And then at first, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to keep the baby,” she continued.
“I mean, I was still a teenager … a kid myself.“
“Much too young to be a mom … and then …”
“And then what?” asked Brian and Daphne blinked and glanced away.
“Justin’s life wasn’t exactly … straightforward,“ stated Daphne. “He was hardly settled.”
“He was estranged from his dad … his parents were getting a divorce …”
“And his relationship with you was pretty … pretty … complicated.”
“Justin never really knew where he stood with you from one day to the next,” she observed, realizing too late how harsh that sounded and now it was Brian’s turn to look away. Complicated didn’t do their relationship back then justice and looking back, Brian thanked his stars that Justin had even wanted to give them another chance and get back together and try again.
“I didn’t wanna make things even worse or more complicated by telling him he was gonna be a dad … at least not until I decided what I was gonna do myself.”
“But then I started having morning sickness and mom and dad found out and went totally ballistic … threatened to ground me for like forever … convinced I’d ruined my life and any opportunity I had of going to university and obtaining a decent career.”
“They were even madder when I wouldn’t tell them who the father was … they still don’t know,” confessed Daphne.
“Then when I decided I did want to keep the baby after all … I really had to stand my ground and refuse to have an abortion … that’s what my dad wanted me to do … that or wait until the baby was born and then give it up for adoption …”
Ignoring her newly delivered coffee, Daphne slumped back in her chair.
“And then Justin was bashed … and I was so confused about what I was gonna do … he could have died ... or …“ Daphne’s voiced trailed away. Obviously, it wasn’t only Brian and Justin who’d suffered and still bore the scars from that time and she swallowed and composed herself.
“There was no way I could hang a responsibility like having a child on him …”
“I mean it wasn’t like it was planned or anything.”
“And the last thing he needed to worry about after everything else was that he was gonna have a kid.”
“But then having decided to have the baby … I was determined not to be railroaded into putting it up for adoption … “
“But mom and dad put so much pressure on me … that coming to New York and leaving her with my cousin seemed to be the best option.”
“Your cousin?”
Daphne nodded. “Tony and Paula … my dad’s nephew and his wife.“
“They already had a little boy, Kyle … but were told they couldn’t have any more children … they were more than happy to have Soleil live with them … though I made it clear from the start that she would always know I was her mom … I made sure of that.”
“And I come and see her as often as I can … and we talk on the phone and on-line all the time.”
And Daphne sighed. “I guess deep down … I’d always hoped that one day I’d have her with me.”
“The times I saw you back then … you didn’t even look pregnant,” queried Brian and Daphne nodded.
“Like I said … I had morning sickness … and it was really bad … I couldn’t eat.”
“I never got really big … and the first few months I actually lost weight.”
“Another reason that when I did find out, why I didn’t tell Justin … to begin with I wasn’t even sure the baby was gonna make it … and she was so small when she was born.”
“I came to stay with my cousin when the baby was due … I told Justin it was a family thing to account for the time I was missing.”
“Soleil was born and I left her with Tony and Paula ...”
“And picked up as if nothing happened,” interrupted Brian, his tone flat and accusatory.
“It wasn’t as easy as you think, Brian,” Daphne told him. “But I was still pretty young … I let my parents sway me … and I didn’t want Justin to feel obligated to take on the role of father when it had been forced on him … when it wasn’t his choice in the first place.”
“That all sounds very noble,” declared Brian, and Daphne could hear the sarcasm in his voice.
“Looking back … I admit … I may have made the wrong choices …”
“But I also wanted to protect Soleil … the last thing I wanted was to tell her about her dad … and then find that Justin wanted nothing to do with her.”
“Did you really think he’d ignore the fact that he had a daughter?” asked Brian in surprise and Daphne sighed and shook her head. “No … I guess not,” she admitted, reluctantly.
“So what about after Justin recovered from the bashing … why didn’t you tell him then?” asked Brian and Daphne shrugged.
“Justin had gone through so much after the bashing … not knowing if he was going to be able to continue with his art … and the two of you trying to come to some sort of agreement about your relationship.”
“I still didn’t want to complicate things … or put pressure on him … as I said … it wasn’t like we made a conscious decision to have a child together.”
“And then …” Daphne hesitated. Despite everything, she’d always liked Brian; admired him even and didn’t want to hurt him. But he was partly why she’d never told Justin about Soleil.
“Justin met Ethan,” continued Daphne and she saw Brian blink and look away. Obviously that time still provoked painful memories.
“The two of you broke up and he ended up going overseas.”
“I wasn’t sure then if I was even gonna see him again.”
“And then when he came back … he was so distraught over him and Ethan breaking up … finding out that you’d moved to New York … and trying to work out what he was gonna do with his life …”
“Soleil was settled and I didn’t want to disrupt her life … and as it was, Justin then moved to California for a new start.”
“I didn‘t want to do anything that might make him feel obliged to stick around.”
“But he came back,” stated Brian, somewhat obviously and Daphne nodded.
“I know … and lately …” Daphne’s voice tailed off and Brian studied her. She looked totally broken and confused, obviously keeping the biggest secret of her life had taken its toll.
“Lately what?” asked Brian frowning and actually starting to have a little sympathy for the young woman sitting across the table from him.
“A year ago … totally out of the blue … Paula got pregnant again … and she’s had a little girl of her own.”
“I don’t blame her at all … after thinking she wasn‘t going to be able to have any more children of her own … but she’s been pretty preoccupied … during the pregnancy and with the new baby … and I think Soleil started to feel she no longer belonged with them,” and Daphne took a deep breath.
“Then Soleil stated asking about her real father.”
“Don’t get me wrong … Tony’s been the best dad he could be, considering … but she always knew he wasn’t her real dad … and after the new baby was born … she began asking who her real dad was and why we didn’t all live together.”
“What did you say?”
“I didn’t … not really.”
“I always fudged it … but I guess I knew I was gonna have to tell her something sooner or later … not to mention how I’m also going to tell John.”
“So John doesn’t know about Soleil either?” asked Brian and Daphne shook her head.
“No ... he doesn‘t.”
“But I know he’s wondering why I make so many trips here lately.”
“I told him it was because I was keeping an eye on Paula during her pregnancy … and then the new baby.”
“To be honest … I’ve felt like I was drowning … everything started spiraling out of control … I ended up without any real idea what I was going to do … or how I was gonna get out of it.”
“I mean I don’t want to totally ignore Tony and Paula’s feelings either … but with them … John … Justin … AND Soleil to consider …”
“And then I ran into you,” and Daphne tried to smile, almost as if bumping into Brian was the best thing that could have happened to bring it all to a head and bring it all out into the open at last.
“Apart from owing Soleil an explanation and letting her get to know who her dad is … and putting the fact aside that you didn’t tell her father she existed … and I think you should right away … don’t you think you should also tell John … at least before you get married?” pointed out Brian and Daphne sighed.
“Every time I think I’m going to say something to either of them … we get interrupted … or I lose my nerve,” she confessed.
“And Justin?“ asked Brian and Daphne nodded and momentarily closed her eyes. “I know … I know I have to tell them … but having to explain everything to Justin and John … I think that’s part of the problem.”
“What do you mean?” asked Brian, confused by her statement.
“Soleil’s gonna go from having one dad … ‘cos I’ll always include Tony as a dad … but she’s gonna go from one dad … to having three.”
“Tony and Paula have always known the score … they always said that one day … when I got married or settled down with someone … that I’d probably want Soleil with us … so they’ve both always known they were probably gonna have to give her up at some point.”
“But I know they’ll all still want to keep in contact with each other.”
“But I’m marrying John … and I want him involved with Soleil as much as possible … if he can forgive me for not telling him and lying to him,” sighed Daphne.
“And I accept that Justin and Soleil need to get to know each other … he is her real dad after all.“
“But the last thing Soleil needs … is to have everyone wanting a piece of her ….“
“She’s gonna have so many men in her life … I don’t want to confuse or damage her … any more than I probably have already,” admitted Daphne, with real regret.
“Well, it’s certainly gonna take some juggling to get all the pieces to fit,” observed Brian and Daphne nodded silently.
Brian shook his head, momentarily closed his eyes and let out a huge sigh.
“You don’t believe in making it easy for anyone … do you?” declared Brian and he saw the tears start to form in Daphne’s eyes.
“I guess not,” came the whispered reply and with her hands now shaking, Daphne reached into her purse, produced a handkerchief and blew her nose. How the hell did things get to be this complicated?
“If only I’d told Justin at the beginning …”
“But then the longer I left it … the more difficult it got … and I didn’t want Justin to hate me,” choked Daphne, and reaching out, Brian placed his hand reassuringly on her arm.
“There’s no point in beating yourself up over it now,” Brian told her and Daphne desperately tried to smile.
“No apologies … no regrets … right?” she asked him and Brian shrugged. “What’s the point in recriminations? You’ve just gotta look at doing what’s right from here on in.”
“For Soleil … and Justin.”
“Unless …” and he sat back in his chair.
“Do you have feelings for Justin?” asked Brian, the notion suddenly occurring to him and Daphne blinked and then looked away.
“I guess … I guess I’ve always … loved Justin,” admitted Daphne, finally. “But I always knew nothing would ever come of it … and that I could only ever really be his friend,” and looking over at Brian, Daphne knew exactly what was going through his mind.
“Brian … I swear … having Justin’s baby was a complete accident … I never deliberately set out to get pregnant.”
“You do believe me … don’t you?” she asked him. “I would never do that,” declared Daphne earnestly and Brian nodded.
“I believe you,” stated Brian. “And I know you want John, Tony and Paula involved … but as far as I’m concerned, it’s Soleil and Justin … all the way.”
“I know,” agreed Daphne and she swallowed as she managed to compose herself.
“Will you help me, Brian … will you help me tell Justin I mean?” she asked him. “It’s gonna be hard enough explaining everything to everyone … I could do with someone in my corner.“ Slowly, Brian nodded.
“I’ll do whatever I can,” he promised her.
Daphne was spending the rest of the weekend with Soleil at Tony and Paula’s. Kyle, Tony and Paula’s son, was now 15 and not into either the new baby or having a kid sister hanging around him. Daphne had told John she’d wanted to visit her cousins and the new baby again, which John apparently accepted without any hesitation or doubt. Apart from keeping the truth from Justin, Daphne was beginning to feel more and more guilty about lying to John and every day it was getting harder and harder to back track and tell him, or all the people who mattered, the truth. But bumping into Brian had changed everything. She was now going to have to level with everyone … and the sooner the better.
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Catching the later flight, Brian pulled into the driveway of the house a little after 8:00pm. As there was no school the next day, Gus was still up and he and Justin were watching a movie, though they had both already eaten. Brian, still trying to stick to his rule of not eating carbs after 7:00pm. did, however, make pasta for himself, though had to fight to keep Justin and Gus from pinching some of it and in the end gave up and they shared his meal.
Brian had promised Daphne not to mention their encounter, though there was no reason why it should come up in conversation, though he had told her he wouldn‘t lie about running into her. And she’d promised that after she’d spent the rest of the weekend with Soleil, that when she came back to Pittsburgh, she would tell Justin about his daughter. Justin and then John, of course.
Part 2 follows immediately