peanut butter jelly time......

[jojo83]

Rowing has fallen into a emotional rollarcoaster for me this year. I love the sport so much and I was miserable not being involved with it last semester. I was so excited to come back to the team a semester early and now sometimes I feel like my talent is just being wasted. In the world, I'm not even average size and yet my coach makes me feel like I need to starve myself to get in the A boat. There are girls smaller than me but they are also three inches shorter than I am. I'm athletic and muscular and I like my physich. I love being able to go out and ride with a bunch of guys on my bike and kick some of their butts. Same with running. I wouldnt change my body type and I'm definitaly not going to live an unhealthy lifestyle for some coach. The lightest I will ever be is 120 and the weight for girls coxins is 110. I would do anything for those girls and I'm not a novice cox. I'm a race cox, full of adrenaline waiting to be unleashed. How many coxins feel like they could run a marathon after a race because they have so much adrenaline flowing through them? I can make a fast boat even faster than they ever thought they could be. Coach won't even give me a chance to work with the girls who I know the best. I don't mind working with the other girls, they are all great but I want things to be fair and they haven't been. It seems like there are some major favorites going on. I almost feel as though I should kiss coaches butt to get in the boat and I WILL NEVER KISS SOMEONES BUTT to get a spot in anything in life. I will work my way there fair and square. I worked my way into the boat the last two seasons that I coxed. It was never handed to me. Those girls wanted me there and I would have done anything that they needed me to do to make them faster. Never making the same mistake twice, constantly trying to improve. I don't have that passion this year because no one is giving me to opportunity to use it. There are so many sacrafises with rowing and I feel like I'm sacrafising for nothing. I hate being in a great mood one minute and a crappy mood the next. Plus I don't want anyone to be around me when I'm not in a great mood. I just don't know what to do. I feel like my energy and passion for things could be going to something more usufull besides rowing.

This weekend we are headed off to Columbus, Oh and I'm going to try my best to make the boats that I'm in fast. I hope my B boat kicks the A boats A$$, maybe then coach will realize what I'm capable of making others do.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

XOXO
~Jo