John's Backstory after July 1, 1776
John arrives at Hogwarts and is sorted into Ravenclaw
... where he meets Susan Sto Helit
John learns the events of history from Master Dib
John asks Susan to be his guide through Hogwarts; they discuss the Discworld, her grandfather, politics, religion, anthropomorphism, first names, friendship, and mutual flattery
Dib gives John a biography of his life and a collection of letters between him and Abigail
A sadly truncated conversation with Stephen Colbert
Susan invites John to share in her research findings; he has a new suit and wand and they go for a walk; she thinks she has a way to get him home; they discuss Franklin and logic and the danger that comes from having certain acquaintances; there is touching and kneeling in a romantic rose garden along with light teasing and flirting; and another date meeting arranged for Susan to teach John to fly
John learns of Susan's disappearance from Emma Woodhouse
John discovers that Susan and Dib are popcorn and makes plans to leave Hogwarts
Using Susan's spell, John arrives at Disneyland and is reunited with her
John learns about the Civil War, claims the Opera House as his home, and finds some new clothes
John meets Aragorn
John and Susan explore the park; John shares a brief history of American Independence; they ride the carrousel; and the Storybook Land boats; Susan teaches him how to use a microwave; and they tour the Columbia
John offers his services as an attorney and arbitrator; Envy and Rukia take him up on it
... The initial meeting with Envy and Rukia; they agree to a contest
... John asks Susan and Aziraphale to act as judges for the contest
... The contest begins
John borrows some Twain from Aziraphale and sends him Disney's scripts in return
John meets Logan
John sings his feelings for Susan; Logan is horrified
... The morning after
John seeks some spiritual advice; Aziraphale is glad to assist and reluctantly condones adultery
... He immediately writes to Susan, confesses his feelings, and snogging ensues, though they're able to stop from doing more
John meets Mario
John is invited to Aziraphale's Christmas party
... The party itself, featuring kissing under the mistletoe
John meets Rae and Calvin when he joins Susan and Calvin for dinner at Rae's restaurant; they try Greek food; Logan agrees to babysit Calvin
... The promised walk around the lake, complete with discussions of swimming, previous boyfriends and wives, time stopping, more snogging, and further difficulties in not jumping one another
John meets Leon
John invites Susan to the club opening
... He enlists Rukia's help in learning to dance the modern way
... The club wherein Sirius is met; a salon with Mr. Fell is discussed; champagne is drunk; silly modern dances are danced; there is yet more UST
John and Susan have a blazing row involving jealousy, Captain Carrot, and the laundry
... John apologizes and they make overnight plans
... John contacts Crowley and Fay for tools with which to seduce the charming Miss Sto Helit; Fay enlists John's help in investigating the possibility of obtaining a marriage license for himself and Kurogane
... After some ten months of tension, John and Susan have a romantic picnic and make love for the first time
John learns from Mickey Mouse that there are no restrictions on marriages in the park; he shares the information with Fay, meeting Kurogane in the process; Fay agrees to make Cayce a thank you cake
John meets Control, a self-admitted British spy
... He writes Susan to warn her
John teaches Chii some geography and vocabulary
John talks to Susan after her conversation with Sweeney Todd and invites her to Fay and Kurogane's wedding
John writes to Aziraphale and requests the use of his home and his company for a Salon
... He advertises the Salon on the Bulletin Board, learns the meaning of Independence Day, and argues with Bernard Black
John and Susan celebrate Independence Day together; John learns of the existence of dinosaurs
John meets Veronica Mars
John receives a letter from Rae Seddon regarding the burgeoning police menace; they decide to hold a town meting
... He tells Susan what's going on
John learns about dinosaurs from Calvin
John discusses Rae's concerns with Carrot and Leon of the burgeoning police force
John becomes huge and can only be returned to normal with Susan's help
John gets a letter from Rukia
John announces the Town Meeting; people are insane
...The meeting itself
John objects to Logan's news reports of Susan as an anorexic
John gets a letter from Cayce regarding the Town Meeting
John is invited to Fay and Kurogane's wedding
...He invites Susan to attend with him and discovers that she is no longer caring for Pearl
John and Susan go stargazing
John makes a new friend on Bad Fanon Day and ends up snogging Sir Percival Blakeney in the middle of Main Street
...The next morning, he learns of Susan's adventures
...And he sends his apologies to Percy
John meets She-Hulk
John and Susan celebrate Valentine's Day
John meets Percy in drag; they discuss starting a theatre company
John meets Beaufort
John suggests some plays for Percy's theatre troupe
John attends Percy's auditions and counsels the man on his marriage
John is cast as a singing tree in T-Rex's performance; he doesn't have the heart to say no
John attends Mr. Fell's prayer meeting, is held hostage and injured by Sylar, is healed by Aziraphale, and removed to Susan's care
John comforts Beaufort after his run in with Franziska von Karma
John's adventures come to an end and he goes home, alone.