Thank you for the chaos
This morning was a mess. I was trying to get ready early to bring my car to the mechanic for various repairs, and this meant I needed K to also get ready early so she could come with me and then drop me off at work. While we're rushing around, K tells me that I need to drop her off first, and we're already half an hour later than I wanted to be, so, that plan would basically require me to get to work 2 hours late, rather than the 20 minutes I'd planned for. We're also talking about K here, which means, if you've ever read this blog before, that time holds no meaning. K has one speed in the morning, and it's not fast. We're both getting grumpy as the morning gets later and later and we're not yet on the road.
I look outside and the rooster has escaped from his lovely fenced-in-for-his-safety enclosure. He then appears to regret this decision, because all his lady friends are still inside the fence. He can fly out but hasn't yet figured out how to fly back in. So I go out there to try to coax him back in - but he's prideful and he struts away, like, "No, I'm cool, I meant to do this." It's humid and a zillion degrees out so I don't argue, and just go back inside. K isn't ready. I have more iced coffee.
Finally, iced coffee in hand, I go back and and get the rooster to go back into his fence. K is dressed and almost ready but then she needs to fix the pieces of the fence I took apart, find her sunglasses, get the dog who's been promised a car ride - I'm actually usually AT WORK by this time and K needs to start work in 15 minutes. The mechanic is twenty-five minutes away. We're both swearing.
My therapist has this thing that's both helpful and kind of drives me crazy. She asks, "How could this be easier?" when I'm angry and tired and frustrated about something and sometimes I want to bite back "I don't know because NOTHING IS EVER EASY." But that's part of why therapy is good for me. This morning, in the middle of K shouting "FUCK EVERYTHING" and me wanting to HULK SMASH EVERYTHING, I heard my therapist's voice. "How could this be easy?"
And so I said to K, you know what, I'll reschedule the appointment with the mechanic. Just like that. It was like another person, one who wasn't so deeply invested in control, took over. Not going to the mechanic this morning would make it all easier. K could take the dog for a car ride around the block, I could get to work almost on time, and the morning would just be....a chaotic morning rather than a total disaster that left everyone grumpy for the rest of the day. (Except the dog, he'd be happy either way because CAR RIDE.) Done.
On my way to work, I call the mechanic and asked to reschedule. The nice woman on the phone says, "I have you in for Thursday." I try to think back to how much coffee I've had this morning, and then say, "Right, that's today." And she says, "No, I have you in for next Thursday." Which, interestingly, is the day I wanted to reschedule my appointment. Good thing I didn't try to get there this morning, right? Somehow magically meeting the force of chaos with the attitude of easiness produced the most desirable result. I don't even know.
Also, I mentioned this on twitter, but I'm still stuck on the weird boyfriend robot!Stephen Fry dream I had last night. I very vividly remember caressing his wind-up music-box heart underneath his incredibly soft green flannel shirt. I don't. Even. Know.
You can also read this entry on Dreamwidth (
comments)
I look outside and the rooster has escaped from his lovely fenced-in-for-his-safety enclosure. He then appears to regret this decision, because all his lady friends are still inside the fence. He can fly out but hasn't yet figured out how to fly back in. So I go out there to try to coax him back in - but he's prideful and he struts away, like, "No, I'm cool, I meant to do this." It's humid and a zillion degrees out so I don't argue, and just go back inside. K isn't ready. I have more iced coffee.
Finally, iced coffee in hand, I go back and and get the rooster to go back into his fence. K is dressed and almost ready but then she needs to fix the pieces of the fence I took apart, find her sunglasses, get the dog who's been promised a car ride - I'm actually usually AT WORK by this time and K needs to start work in 15 minutes. The mechanic is twenty-five minutes away. We're both swearing.
My therapist has this thing that's both helpful and kind of drives me crazy. She asks, "How could this be easier?" when I'm angry and tired and frustrated about something and sometimes I want to bite back "I don't know because NOTHING IS EVER EASY." But that's part of why therapy is good for me. This morning, in the middle of K shouting "FUCK EVERYTHING" and me wanting to HULK SMASH EVERYTHING, I heard my therapist's voice. "How could this be easy?"
And so I said to K, you know what, I'll reschedule the appointment with the mechanic. Just like that. It was like another person, one who wasn't so deeply invested in control, took over. Not going to the mechanic this morning would make it all easier. K could take the dog for a car ride around the block, I could get to work almost on time, and the morning would just be....a chaotic morning rather than a total disaster that left everyone grumpy for the rest of the day. (Except the dog, he'd be happy either way because CAR RIDE.) Done.
On my way to work, I call the mechanic and asked to reschedule. The nice woman on the phone says, "I have you in for Thursday." I try to think back to how much coffee I've had this morning, and then say, "Right, that's today." And she says, "No, I have you in for next Thursday." Which, interestingly, is the day I wanted to reschedule my appointment. Good thing I didn't try to get there this morning, right? Somehow magically meeting the force of chaos with the attitude of easiness produced the most desirable result. I don't even know.
Also, I mentioned this on twitter, but I'm still stuck on the weird boyfriend robot!Stephen Fry dream I had last night. I very vividly remember caressing his wind-up music-box heart underneath his incredibly soft green flannel shirt. I don't. Even. Know.
You can also read this entry on Dreamwidth (
comments)