"Happy Someday"
over the last year so much has changed, or at least I thought it did. I have been through a lot, a flood, living in a motel, an attempted road trip, my senior year, and the list goes on and on. but now here I find myself in the exact same place I started, rhode island and simply not happy. Living here has always taken from me, never given anything. And it just continues to make life worse. I hate it here. I'm at the point now where I've lost everything I have, anything that meant something to me is gone in exchange for nothing. I am totally empty now. starting over is simply, agonizing.
Even this journal is worthless because, my friends live hundreds of miles away and are off living their own lives. No one even reads this anymore. not at all
2 months ago, I was the happiest I have ever been in my life and today, I'm pretty much just, empty. I don't want people to feel bad for me......I just want to be happy. And there it all is. It's just me wanting so badly to be happy. and failing. Nothing I do will ever be enough, and I know thats not true but, it feels true right now. and I'm slowly dying.....like the person inside me that's me, that's happy and loves joking around and just......everything I am is just slowly dying. why, well because I'm trying to survive. and recently that boy was hurt pretty badly. and I don't want to be him anymore. I'm sick of my feelings and my heart and my stupid personality because I always end up being the guy that people like, but I always end up alone. and there's nothing I can do about it.....I can work hard, and try, and breathe every single day, and hope, and dream, and LOVE more than humanly possible but......it will never matter because my life always ends up exactly like it is right now. Alone, listening to "happy someday" by PLain white T's.....dreaming. that's all I am. A stupid dreamer. that's all I'll ever be. I'm the guy most people like, but no one ever loves.......and that's all I want. is for her to love me back or write to me.....but she doesn't. and that's ok. I need to just, give up though.
I'm tired of being a stupid boy. It's time for me to just.........give up...........but for some reason I can't. for some reason.....I still dream even though I feel like I'm never going to get what I need, I don't want to.
I am tired of being me. because basically, I'm just a stupid dreamer. But I won't lie...............
I can't help to just sit here and listen......
"I'm going to be happy someday. someday I'll have everything.
I'll get paid money just the same.
A new car and a big house.
A few kids running around.
I'm going to marry my girlfriend,
and fall in love all over again.
Someday I'm going to have it all."
Anyway, I'm not going to write in here for a very long time. I tried giving this thing up but, I can't. I need it in a way that I can't explain. I just can't write in here anymore for a little bit.
maybe someday someone will stumble upon this and know how I feel.......maybe someday I'll get exactly what I want.....
but there I go again......
oh well. It's who I am. I hope I'll be happy someday.
Even this journal is worthless because, my friends live hundreds of miles away and are off living their own lives. No one even reads this anymore. not at all
2 months ago, I was the happiest I have ever been in my life and today, I'm pretty much just, empty. I don't want people to feel bad for me......I just want to be happy. And there it all is. It's just me wanting so badly to be happy. and failing. Nothing I do will ever be enough, and I know thats not true but, it feels true right now. and I'm slowly dying.....like the person inside me that's me, that's happy and loves joking around and just......everything I am is just slowly dying. why, well because I'm trying to survive. and recently that boy was hurt pretty badly. and I don't want to be him anymore. I'm sick of my feelings and my heart and my stupid personality because I always end up being the guy that people like, but I always end up alone. and there's nothing I can do about it.....I can work hard, and try, and breathe every single day, and hope, and dream, and LOVE more than humanly possible but......it will never matter because my life always ends up exactly like it is right now. Alone, listening to "happy someday" by PLain white T's.....dreaming. that's all I am. A stupid dreamer. that's all I'll ever be. I'm the guy most people like, but no one ever loves.......and that's all I want. is for her to love me back or write to me.....but she doesn't. and that's ok. I need to just, give up though.
I'm tired of being a stupid boy. It's time for me to just.........give up...........but for some reason I can't. for some reason.....I still dream even though I feel like I'm never going to get what I need, I don't want to.
I am tired of being me. because basically, I'm just a stupid dreamer. But I won't lie...............
I can't help to just sit here and listen......
"I'm going to be happy someday. someday I'll have everything.
I'll get paid money just the same.
A new car and a big house.
A few kids running around.
I'm going to marry my girlfriend,
and fall in love all over again.
Someday I'm going to have it all."
Anyway, I'm not going to write in here for a very long time. I tried giving this thing up but, I can't. I need it in a way that I can't explain. I just can't write in here anymore for a little bit.
maybe someday someone will stumble upon this and know how I feel.......maybe someday I'll get exactly what I want.....
but there I go again......
oh well. It's who I am. I hope I'll be happy someday.