computers should wear condoms
well, i hate to break your hearts, but i didnt go to church on sunday. in fact, i took the part of the devil on sunday and convinced my cousin and her man-friend not to go too. so all day, i heard that i was playing the devil's advocate. but there really was a reason i didnt go to church, besides the voice in my head saying i didnt need to go. i had to finish packing up and moving. yes, i moved alright... right into the hell known as my parents house. oh come on, it cant be that bad to move back in, right? WRONG! i havent lived with my parents for 4 years, and i never wanted to do it again. but then i realized that if i was to go back and make something of myself besides the smartass that ive already become, i would need to save money. hell, i used to laugh at the movies with the guy in his 30s that lives in his parents basement. and now, i see that i have become that poor bastard, except im 22 and i live upstairs.
of course, i can hear most people saying that i should be happy that my parents are even letting me move back in with them, but you known what? you dont know my parents. i swear to god that i must be adopted. i look at them and i look at me and there is nothing similar about them except the name. how lovely, huh? so the room that i moved into takes the cake. it had a bed already in it along with other assorted goodies that my parents left in here as kind of junk room. well, after cleaning it up a bit and looking around, i was shocked to find that the carpet was PINK! who in the hell has pink carpet? so here i am, standing in the 'guest room' and about to freak because the fucking carpet is pink. my mom walks up talking about, "dont you just love the carpet?" hello, im a fucking guy! i know that you wanted a daughter for the second child, and you had my brother, but isnt that good enough? i looked at her and shook my head. "no mom, im not really sure that the pink is gonna bring out the color in my eyes", i said. so my goal now is to cover the floor up with as much shit i can find so that i dont have to see the pink carpet.
i first have to say that i know my parents didnt want me back in here. it was evident when i asked for a key to the house. my mom was vehemently protesting that i get a key. these are the bastards who changed the locks on the door when i moved away to college. can you just imagine coming home for the first time in the semester and nobody home, and you have to stay outside in decemeber waiting on them to come home because you cant get inside? so after hours of fighting, my mom said that i could have a key to the house. the next day, she gave it to me and told me that i need to make sure i dont lose it because its the only one im getting. my mom then went to my cousin and asked me if i could stay with her a bit longer since she didnt want me there and my cousin just walked away from her for being stupid. i dont blame her. what kind of mom doesnt want there son back? and one especially as kind, caring, sweet, and loving as me? ok, so what im talking about someone else, but it still kind of funny no less.
so anyway, sunday was the day that i got everything moved in and did it by myself because they didnt want to help. go effin' figure. my mom told me it was gonna be hard because she expected me to have a curfew. HELLO! i work nights, ya dumbass. i dont think that youre gonna keep tabs on me while im working and what not. im amazed by her charm, arent you?
i woke up this morning around 9 after not sleeping for 2 days and found that i wasnt in the house alone, like i had thought i would be. no no... my mom explained that she would be working from home on some days, of course she didnt tell me this when i first asked to move in. i asked if there would be anymore surprises like this in the near future, and she just smirked. what does that mean? am i going to wake up one morning and find a clown standing above me with a balloon knife? i sure as hell hope not. well, my step-dad also has to work from home until his hip surgery heals. well, once i had my shower, which they timed, i asked him about internet. he said he has the wireless thing going on in here, but wants to make sure that i am careful at what i look at and what i download because it would put his information out onto the web. he said that jason, my brother, had been looking at something and gotten a virus on the system, so i remarked rather matter-a-factly that computers should wear condoms. i dont know whether he thought i was serious or not, but he gave me a look that would have made someones heart stop. i guess not everybody likes humor. so i frowned and went away setting up the computer to read the wireless router and here i am.
its been 2 days, ok, well 1.5 days and im ready to kill, maim, hurt, mutilate, etc... its not so bad when they arent here, but goddamn, why do they have to be so annoying. "what are you doing today? will you do this so i dont have to get my fat lazy ass off the couch? are you annoyed? how long will you be here?" *rolls eyes* make it stop!
my mom tells me that i need to be considerate of her wishes, so no crude jokes, no cursing, no drinking excessive amounts or anything like that. hell, why not toss me in the fucking attic and feed me everyother day and tell me you dont love me? the other day, i answered the phone and the lady on the line asked me if was her son, and i replied yes, and told her my name. she said my mom never mentioned me and didnt believe me and thought i was really her husband playing a joke. what the fuck?
i swear my parents paid the milk companies to stop making the missing signs that used to be on the back of a milk carton because im sure that mine was once there. these people cant be my parents, its just not fair. maybe its all one big nightmare and ill wake up out of a coma and realize it was all a big long dream brought on by the medicine.
of course, i can hear most people saying that i should be happy that my parents are even letting me move back in with them, but you known what? you dont know my parents. i swear to god that i must be adopted. i look at them and i look at me and there is nothing similar about them except the name. how lovely, huh? so the room that i moved into takes the cake. it had a bed already in it along with other assorted goodies that my parents left in here as kind of junk room. well, after cleaning it up a bit and looking around, i was shocked to find that the carpet was PINK! who in the hell has pink carpet? so here i am, standing in the 'guest room' and about to freak because the fucking carpet is pink. my mom walks up talking about, "dont you just love the carpet?" hello, im a fucking guy! i know that you wanted a daughter for the second child, and you had my brother, but isnt that good enough? i looked at her and shook my head. "no mom, im not really sure that the pink is gonna bring out the color in my eyes", i said. so my goal now is to cover the floor up with as much shit i can find so that i dont have to see the pink carpet.
i first have to say that i know my parents didnt want me back in here. it was evident when i asked for a key to the house. my mom was vehemently protesting that i get a key. these are the bastards who changed the locks on the door when i moved away to college. can you just imagine coming home for the first time in the semester and nobody home, and you have to stay outside in decemeber waiting on them to come home because you cant get inside? so after hours of fighting, my mom said that i could have a key to the house. the next day, she gave it to me and told me that i need to make sure i dont lose it because its the only one im getting. my mom then went to my cousin and asked me if i could stay with her a bit longer since she didnt want me there and my cousin just walked away from her for being stupid. i dont blame her. what kind of mom doesnt want there son back? and one especially as kind, caring, sweet, and loving as me? ok, so what im talking about someone else, but it still kind of funny no less.
so anyway, sunday was the day that i got everything moved in and did it by myself because they didnt want to help. go effin' figure. my mom told me it was gonna be hard because she expected me to have a curfew. HELLO! i work nights, ya dumbass. i dont think that youre gonna keep tabs on me while im working and what not. im amazed by her charm, arent you?
i woke up this morning around 9 after not sleeping for 2 days and found that i wasnt in the house alone, like i had thought i would be. no no... my mom explained that she would be working from home on some days, of course she didnt tell me this when i first asked to move in. i asked if there would be anymore surprises like this in the near future, and she just smirked. what does that mean? am i going to wake up one morning and find a clown standing above me with a balloon knife? i sure as hell hope not. well, my step-dad also has to work from home until his hip surgery heals. well, once i had my shower, which they timed, i asked him about internet. he said he has the wireless thing going on in here, but wants to make sure that i am careful at what i look at and what i download because it would put his information out onto the web. he said that jason, my brother, had been looking at something and gotten a virus on the system, so i remarked rather matter-a-factly that computers should wear condoms. i dont know whether he thought i was serious or not, but he gave me a look that would have made someones heart stop. i guess not everybody likes humor. so i frowned and went away setting up the computer to read the wireless router and here i am.
its been 2 days, ok, well 1.5 days and im ready to kill, maim, hurt, mutilate, etc... its not so bad when they arent here, but goddamn, why do they have to be so annoying. "what are you doing today? will you do this so i dont have to get my fat lazy ass off the couch? are you annoyed? how long will you be here?" *rolls eyes* make it stop!
my mom tells me that i need to be considerate of her wishes, so no crude jokes, no cursing, no drinking excessive amounts or anything like that. hell, why not toss me in the fucking attic and feed me everyother day and tell me you dont love me? the other day, i answered the phone and the lady on the line asked me if was her son, and i replied yes, and told her my name. she said my mom never mentioned me and didnt believe me and thought i was really her husband playing a joke. what the fuck?
i swear my parents paid the milk companies to stop making the missing signs that used to be on the back of a milk carton because im sure that mine was once there. these people cant be my parents, its just not fair. maybe its all one big nightmare and ill wake up out of a coma and realize it was all a big long dream brought on by the medicine.