(no subject)
I'm incredibly busy this week, with little time to stop and exhale, but I wanted to do a quick update before too many details slip away unrecorded.
I went to Seaside this weekend. Hung out Friday night, ran six miles on Saturday, and played some darn fine bridge on Sunday. 5th overall and 1st in X on a team of entirely new partnerships (and fantastic people, I might add!). I feel really good about that. Beat the Lusky team by 20 in the final round. Lots of good bidding problems from that day -- I'll do a separate bridge post with those if folks are interested.
Today and tomorrow I have WW training most of the day. Learning computer things, and basically getting more involved in that job. I like it. My colleagues are such great people. Everyone is genuine and friendly and caring...I think it comes from all experiencing the shared struggle of weight challenges.
Last night I had a dream that Bess started talking, and one of the first things she said to me was "I love you." When she said it, I absolutely wept. I was just so overwhelmed with love for that little girl, and her big sisters, and all the other little ones in my life. I miss my nieces, and my little cousins, and Jack, and I'm anxious for my other local friends to expand their families (if that is their desire) so that I can have more little people to love and dote on. I know this sounds strange from the woman who once so vehemently declared hatred of children, and I know this major shift in attitude will only egg those on who say I will one day change my mind about motherhood, but even though I've gone from "get that thing away from me!!" to "aww do you mind if I cuddle your infant and smother it with kisses?!" my attitude about parenthood is firmly unchanged. It's just not something I want at all. I know there's something really rewarding about the love between parent and child, but I'm honestly perfectly fulfilled with the love I have for my nieces -- even though I know they're too little to understand how much they mean to me, or for me to mean all that much to them.
One of the things that sticks out from when my grandmother died, more than any of the pain or sadness, is what my aunt Coo said to me. "Meg, you were so special to her. You have no idea how much she loved you." It's true. I didn't know. I knew she loved me, but I didn't realize just how meaningful getting to grow up sharing a home with her was. I'd like to think I didn't take it for granted, but I certainly didn't fully appreciate how special it was to have that situation, and such a loving environment with parents and grandmother all under one roof. I know it's rarely so harmonious for others. I can't pretend to know what the love of a child or grandchild must feel like, but I think it's safe to assume, at least among Massies, that it's a pretty intense feeling. Probably stronger than love of a niece or nephew -- and I honestly cannot imagine that I'm even capable of loving anyone more than I love those kids. So now that they've come along, many years after Marma's passing, I am starting to wrap my head around my aunt's words to me. I'm so glad she gave me that to think about. And I hope one day my nieces understand just how much I adore them, but I doubt they ever really will, and that's okay.
Anyway, sappy sappy sappy...my grandmother was awesome, my nieces are awesome, I'm really lucky. That's all.
I went to Seaside this weekend. Hung out Friday night, ran six miles on Saturday, and played some darn fine bridge on Sunday. 5th overall and 1st in X on a team of entirely new partnerships (and fantastic people, I might add!). I feel really good about that. Beat the Lusky team by 20 in the final round. Lots of good bidding problems from that day -- I'll do a separate bridge post with those if folks are interested.
Today and tomorrow I have WW training most of the day. Learning computer things, and basically getting more involved in that job. I like it. My colleagues are such great people. Everyone is genuine and friendly and caring...I think it comes from all experiencing the shared struggle of weight challenges.
Last night I had a dream that Bess started talking, and one of the first things she said to me was "I love you." When she said it, I absolutely wept. I was just so overwhelmed with love for that little girl, and her big sisters, and all the other little ones in my life. I miss my nieces, and my little cousins, and Jack, and I'm anxious for my other local friends to expand their families (if that is their desire) so that I can have more little people to love and dote on. I know this sounds strange from the woman who once so vehemently declared hatred of children, and I know this major shift in attitude will only egg those on who say I will one day change my mind about motherhood, but even though I've gone from "get that thing away from me!!" to "aww do you mind if I cuddle your infant and smother it with kisses?!" my attitude about parenthood is firmly unchanged. It's just not something I want at all. I know there's something really rewarding about the love between parent and child, but I'm honestly perfectly fulfilled with the love I have for my nieces -- even though I know they're too little to understand how much they mean to me, or for me to mean all that much to them.
One of the things that sticks out from when my grandmother died, more than any of the pain or sadness, is what my aunt Coo said to me. "Meg, you were so special to her. You have no idea how much she loved you." It's true. I didn't know. I knew she loved me, but I didn't realize just how meaningful getting to grow up sharing a home with her was. I'd like to think I didn't take it for granted, but I certainly didn't fully appreciate how special it was to have that situation, and such a loving environment with parents and grandmother all under one roof. I know it's rarely so harmonious for others. I can't pretend to know what the love of a child or grandchild must feel like, but I think it's safe to assume, at least among Massies, that it's a pretty intense feeling. Probably stronger than love of a niece or nephew -- and I honestly cannot imagine that I'm even capable of loving anyone more than I love those kids. So now that they've come along, many years after Marma's passing, I am starting to wrap my head around my aunt's words to me. I'm so glad she gave me that to think about. And I hope one day my nieces understand just how much I adore them, but I doubt they ever really will, and that's okay.
Anyway, sappy sappy sappy...my grandmother was awesome, my nieces are awesome, I'm really lucky. That's all.