b/t me and the ex

[jessmae07]

K5 Big E returned at 2:22:04 PM.K5 Big E: no problem, how are youSkdLsPn 3975: I am fineSkdLsPn 3975: how are you?K5 Big E: pretty good, really stressed trying to pack and moveSkdLsPn 3975: yeah that sucks but at least you arent bored!K5 Big E: no i am really tired thoughK5 Big E: i keep staying up too lateSkdLsPn 3975: yeah me tooSkdLsPn 3975: and i'm getting up early tooK5 Big E: i'll be okay i guess, i just know i'm about to be away from everyone for a long period of time so i'm trying to get as much of them as i can i supposeSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: its okay they will be happy to have you back in a few weeksK5 Big E: i know, i think i'm pretty worried about being alone the next few weeks, i really broke down mondaySkdLsPn 3975: really, i'm sorry everettSkdLsPn 3975: i wish i could help, you know i still care a lot about youK5 Big E: it's been harder than i thought, i think last week i was just drinking and partying and ignoring how i felt,SkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: it's okay i'm not telling you for you to feel sorryK5 Big E: i know i've hurt you alot tooSkdLsPn 3975: yes you haveK5 Big E: i don't really know why i'm telling you, i hope you dont see this as a pity party or whateverSkdLsPn 3975: but it was something i had to go through to make me stronger and make me realize a lot of things about my lifeSkdLsPn 3975: no not at allSkdLsPn 3975: i'm just glad i'm not the only one that has suffered, as bad as that soundsK5 Big E: i'm glad you see it that way, i care about you too i hope you know thatK5 Big E: its okay i understand perfectlySkdLsPn 3975: okay goodSkdLsPn 3975: i went out on a date last night and i was so scaredSkdLsPn 3975: i think it was too soonSkdLsPn 3975: actually i know it was too soon but i'm glad nothing happened, like when it was over with it was like a sigh of relief haK5 Big E: oh, i been on a date or two but its people i already knew, not anything that anything would come fromK5 Big E: i'm glad you're dating and moving onSkdLsPn 3975: yeah well this guy has liked me for a long time and i ignored itK5 Big E: i have a feeling that there is still some closure issue that will have to be solved in time for us to be good againSkdLsPn 3975: yeah I definately agreeK5 Big E: its so weird to be with people all the time and be so lonely, i'm not sure i realized how much i had put into our relationshipK5 Big E: i know it was a short time but i'm surprised at how i've felt this week, i'm alot weaker than i ever thoughtSkdLsPn 3975: yeah you put a lot into it, so did I, i didnt realize how much i relied on you to get me through the day with everything you did for meK5 Big E: i think you were the thing i was always looking forward to, so now that's gone i feel like i've lost a lot of hope and i feel worthlessK5 Big E: it's been so hard, my friends are the only reason i'm okayK5 Big E: its just this week too, last week i thought i was fine, not this one thoughSkdLsPn 3975: yeah its been really really hard for me tooSkdLsPn 3975: yeah well you are about to spend 2 weeks with yourselfSkdLsPn 3975: i mean that is understandableSkdLsPn 3975: maybe you can meet up w/ your friends in destinK5 Big E: i hope so, i havent talked to nathan yetSkdLsPn 3975: you are so lucky you get to go to the beachK5 Big E: josh is not there anymore, yea but i'm not into the beach rememberSkdLsPn 3975: but i can understand how you feel b/c the beach doesnt really excite youSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: i knowK5 Big E: i'm going fishing, that's my thing for next week, i was really excited cuz i thought sara and matt were coming down later in the week but that's falling through tooSkdLsPn 3975: i'm really sorry I did that EverettSkdLsPn 3975: ohK5 Big E: sorry you did what?SkdLsPn 3975: i guess i thought you could forgive meSkdLsPn 3975: what I did that you couldnt forgive me forK5 Big E: oK5 Big E: i tried, i hope you knowSkdLsPn 3975: yeah but i'm glad i told youK5 Big E: i tried all that weekend, it wouldnt escape me, oh yes i'm glad you told me tooSkdLsPn 3975: sorry it took a while i just knew it would be an issueSkdLsPn 3975: thats why i was scaredK5 Big E: its okay, it wouldve been better if you'd told me immediately, that's how i operateSkdLsPn 3975: yeah i knowSkdLsPn 3975: but i wasnt prepared for that and i wanted to tell you in personSkdLsPn 3975: so tell me about nicholeSkdLsPn 3975: you said she was being a bitch?K5 Big E: yeaK5 Big E: she was here this weekend but i never saw her outside of fridaySkdLsPn 3975: does she know you and I broke up?SkdLsPn 3975: that is weird that it was the thing that she had an issue withK5 Big E: she called me and asked about that charicature drawing of us, i said i still had it and i was gonna give it to her but i'm not now, yes everyone knows we're overSkdLsPn 3975: ouchK5 Big E: no wait, she actually told me she wanted it because she didnt want the picture but she coudl reuse the frameSkdLsPn 3975: ohK5 Big E: what a fucking bitch, well i want it cuz i could take that out and put something else in there ya knowSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: thats messed up...SkdLsPn 3975: but why does it bother you?SkdLsPn 3975: i mean i seeSkdLsPn 3975: but yall are overSkdLsPn 3975: just tell her she cant have it back hahaK5 Big E: because she just took about 400 worth of furniture and decorations that werent hers, and all that food is gonna get thrown out and i wouldnt have even bought that shitSkdLsPn 3975: oh dangSkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: i'm not even gonna mention it, i'm gonna keep it and put something i want in thereSkdLsPn 3975: that would pissss me off really bad tooSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: you shouldK5 Big E: there was a bathroom rack, a bedside table, a clothes hamper, and curtain and curtain rod that she just tookK5 Big E: those were in her room but not gifted to herSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: thats wrongK5 Big E: my family bought that cuz she needed and hers couldntSkdLsPn 3975: what did your parents say about it?K5 Big E: pretty much what i'm saying nowK5 Big E: another thing happened last week that was probably the worst for me given how i feelK5 Big E: not involving nicholeSkdLsPn 3975: what was itK5 Big E: i went out with this girl to the bars and what not, spent the night with her, fooled around and kissed and what not and now i havent heard from her since friday, K5 Big E: i was doing okay before that, but that night i felt like yea okay i can do this i can be a cool single guy, now i feel like a loserSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: oh SkdLsPn 3975: she hasnt returned your phone calls or anything?SkdLsPn 3975: wow she is a dumbass you are a great guyK5 Big E: yea but she's 26 and runs in entirely different circlesSkdLsPn 3975: ohSkdLsPn 3975: thats a little old for you isnt it?K5 Big E: unless i'm about drunk i can barely hold a conversation with herSkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: well age aside its the school and what notK5 Big E: she hasnt finished her bachelors and she 26, not my type at allSkdLsPn 3975: did you have sex with her?K5 Big E: noK5 Big E: i was afraid toK5 Big E: lolSkdLsPn 3975: hahaSkdLsPn 3975: then why do you feel like a loser, b/c you sorta used her for the night or whatK5 Big E: that was the other thing, it took a freakin act of congress to get her ass up and take to my truck the next dayK5 Big E: i laid around for freakin everSkdLsPn 3975: she was harder than me to get up when i was on yaz??SkdLsPn 3975: hahahaK5 Big E: i dunno, it just wasnt good for my confidence, she'd wake up and say something and pass out againK5 Big E: and she does it everydaySkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: i can't stand thatK5 Big E: she's just bitchy to everyone tooSkdLsPn 3975: ohSkdLsPn 3975: where did you meet her?K5 Big E: she wasnt to me but her friends and family, i dont know how they put up with herK5 Big E: friend set us up for the nightSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: ohK5 Big E: in that one night the amount of bars i've been to went from 2 to 5K5 Big E: we went to 4 different bars that nightSkdLsPn 3975: wow...SkdLsPn 3975: that is crazyK5 Big E: they keep inviting me to her work but i've heard enough horror stories i'm not goin out thereK5 Big E: yeaK5 Big E: its nutsK5 Big E: i'm not that kinda personSkdLsPn 3975: good decisionSkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: i dont know what i was thinkingK5 Big E: well yea i do, mmm beerSkdLsPn 3975: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone is what they say at work haha i dont believe that but its kinda funnySkdLsPn 3975: oh wow you would be so proud of meK5 Big E: i've heard that alot but i dunno how i feel about it eitherSkdLsPn 3975: i drank a whole 15 beers last nightK5 Big E: holy cow, you've gone nuts tooSkdLsPn 3975: nooSkdLsPn 3975: i just drink beer nowSkdLsPn 3975: yeah that was nuts last night thoughSkdLsPn 3975: hahahaSkdLsPn 3975: we were playing screw the dealerSkdLsPn 3975: and guess who was the dealerSkdLsPn 3975: at the end when it was predictable which cards I was gonna lay downSkdLsPn 3975: yours truelyK5 Big E: well i'm glad you finally drink beer, its easier on whoever's buyingSkdLsPn 3975: yeah it feels better to me tooSkdLsPn 3975: i dont get crazy anymore when i'm drunkSkdLsPn 3975: i'm just chillSkdLsPn 3975: nice buzzSkdLsPn 3975: i like itSkdLsPn 3975: and i bought some michelob ultra to drink on this week to see if i like itK5 Big E: yea that's what beer does, its not so hard on your systemK5 Big E: i think you will, its a smooth beerSkdLsPn 3975: goodSkdLsPn 3975: i just make sure i'm working out so the beer doesnt show up on my perfect little bodySkdLsPn 3975: hahahK5 Big E: like no beer aftertasteSkdLsPn 3975: i reached my goal already!SkdLsPn 3975: I weigh 143K5 Big E: i miss your body, wow thats greatSkdLsPn 3975: yeah i love my bodyK5 Big E: theres no telling with me, i look fine but i've got to be gaining weightSkdLsPn 3975: i wasnt able to eat anything last week though so we will see what happensK5 Big E: oh i hate thatK5 Big E: i didnt want to do those things to youSkdLsPn 3975: I knowSkdLsPn 3975: its okayK5 Big E: i think while i'm in birmingham i'd like to see you so we can talk in person some, i think it would help us but i'm not totally sureSkdLsPn 3975: okaySkdLsPn 3975: well we have a while to think about itSkdLsPn 3975: that is the week me and emily are going on mountain bike tripsSkdLsPn 3975: we are taking 4 trips that weekSkdLsPn 3975: maybe you could comeK5 Big E: really, where all toK5 Big E: that'd be coolK5 Big E: i'm gonna hit up my favorite beach trail next weekSkdLsPn 3975: we planned it out last night but its on her computer i cant really remember what we decided onSkdLsPn 3975: coolSkdLsPn 3975: i really liked biking to dinner that one timeSkdLsPn 3975: i felt on top of the worldK5 Big E: yea that was niceK5 Big E: that was a really good timeK5 Big E: like things were right thenSkdLsPn 3975: yeah even though the beginning of that trip was rockyK5 Big E: yea i knowK5 Big E: do you think i did you wrongSkdLsPn 3975: when?K5 Big E: tell the truth, what did i not do, what do i need to work on and growK5 Big E: in all of itSkdLsPn 3975: oh well this is an answerSkdLsPn 3975: i was going to tell you this anywaysSkdLsPn 3975: the other night i was watching this movie freedom writersSkdLsPn 3975: do you know that movie?K5 Big E: i know it but havent seen itSkdLsPn 3975: well there is this attractive teacher in itSkdLsPn 3975: and i was thinking about all those times you liked to watch teacher/student porn and it didnt once cross my mind then that nichole was a teacherSkdLsPn 3975: i thought that was really strange that i realized that after the factK5 Big E: okayK5 Big E: u really think that had something to do with nicholeK5 Big E: i dont think thats why i like that kind of pornSkdLsPn 3975: I dont want to give you constructive criticism right now about the relationship everett, I dont think it would be good right nowSkdLsPn 3975: i have it all written outSkdLsPn 3975: and i'll read it again and let you know when i think its rightK5 Big E: okay thats fineSkdLsPn 3975: and I want you to do the same for me if you couldSkdLsPn 3975: i mean you were really honest about a lot of things when we were together that i need to work onK5 Big E: okSkdLsPn 3975: and i'm glad for thatSkdLsPn 3975: but i mean just because i didnt like something about what you did in a relationship doenst mean the next girl wont like it eitherK5 Big E: yea i know, everyone is differentK5 Big E: you know for the first time in a long time you've got me on the defensive in a conversation, K5 Big E: you havent spoken or typed to me with this kind of strength in awhile, either that or i really am weakened by all of this alot, but i think i'm the same, more or lessSkdLsPn 3975: i've actually grown extroarinarily through the past week and a halfK5 Big E: i know i haventSkdLsPn 3975: I guess like nothing is at stake nowSkdLsPn 3975: and you will either take me as I amSkdLsPn 3975: or discard me SkdLsPn 3975: either way I know I am a really great person and there isnt gonna be anyone else like me, i just have to practice BEING ME is the thing.SkdLsPn 3975: and I didnt do that enough with youSkdLsPn 3975: and i apologizeK5 Big E: its fine and you're rightSkdLsPn 3975: this is the me that you likedSkdLsPn 3975: in the beginningK5 Big E: you had this confidence when we startedSkdLsPn 3975: and you havent seen itSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: in a whileK5 Big E: mm hmm i knowSkdLsPn 3975: haha i'm shaking my headK5 Big E: whySkdLsPn 3975: i dunno b/c i think breaking up was really great for me, there was no other way to get me back to where i wasSkdLsPn 3975: i was too consumed by us or whateverK5 Big E: i was waiting for you to get back to thisSkdLsPn 3975: I know....b/c now i'm more attractive and i have guys knocking at my frickin door now and i get to blow them off and i feel very empowered SkdLsPn 3975: hahaK5 Big E: coolSkdLsPn 3975: I really dont know what to say about us right now though.SkdLsPn 3975: i do want to hang out w/ you when you get back, i want things to get better for you down there, and I'm glad we are talking againSkdLsPn 3975: i hope i havent been that much of a bitch to you, i dont mean to be if i have beenK5 Big E: no you werent a "bitch", you definetly pushed me away and put me through alotK5 Big E: but such is lifeSkdLsPn 3975: yeah that is trueSkdLsPn 3975: i always push people away, things get scary when they changeSkdLsPn 3975: that is just something i have to work onSkdLsPn 3975: and i warned you about itSkdLsPn 3975: and I tried not toK5 Big E: i know but why change, i dont think i changedK5 Big E: it occured to me that one issue with me and feeling the way i have is that i havent been truely single in like 2 yearsSkdLsPn 3975: well i mean like the stages in the relationship changed, challenges were brought on, i felt more dependant on youK5 Big E: cuz the day i broke up with nichole i met amanda nad then started talkign to youSkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: and back then i had the fraternity and i was all in itSkdLsPn 3975: its liberating to be single its hard to get used to b/c of the security of knowing that one person cares about you and will be there for you at the end of the dayK5 Big E: now i have a small group of female friends, half of which i want to get with and absolutely cannotSkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: sara's been a problem to meSkdLsPn 3975: i figured she would beSkdLsPn 3975: i felt sooo threatened by herK5 Big E: cuz she flat out admitted that when i broke up with you it was terrible timing cuz she'd just started wtih mattSkdLsPn 3975: oh damnK5 Big E: she wasnt gonna steal meK5 Big E: but she has openly said she wanted to get with meSkdLsPn 3975: yeah but you all had an attraction SkdLsPn 3975: hmmmSkdLsPn 3975: that would be hardK5 Big E: of course, she seriously is the closest thing i've found to the female version of myselfSkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: and i'm surrounded by freakin youngunsSkdLsPn 3975: hahaK5 Big E: where the hell are girls my ageK5 Big E: what the hell is thisSkdLsPn 3975: marriedSkdLsPn 3975: i dunno its auburnK5 Big E: i get attracted to one and i have to slap myself on the wristK5 Big E: bad me...badSkdLsPn 3975: yeah that sucks but you cant always get what you wantK5 Big E: *smack*SkdLsPn 3975: haK5 Big E: they're too young, i feel old and dirty for lookinSkdLsPn 3975: awwSkdLsPn 3975: you are only like 3 years older right?K5 Big E: and of course they're no help, yea, K5 Big E: look i keep forgetting exactly what i have to offer ya knowK5 Big E: this is gonna sound like bragging but bear with me i dont mean it that waySkdLsPn 3975: yeah i knowSkdLsPn 3975: i know your strengthsSkdLsPn 3975: and that you are a great loverSkdLsPn 3975: that you are successfulSkdLsPn 3975: and caringSkdLsPn 3975: and handsomeSkdLsPn 3975: and incredibly attractiveK5 Big E: and think of the future i haveSkdLsPn 3975: i know these thingsSkdLsPn 3975: rightSkdLsPn 3975: in the suburbs of nashvilleSkdLsPn 3975: with all your carsK5 Big E: that's my issue with the weed ya know, i've got too much to loseSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: then dont do itK5 Big E: i have too much to lose with each and every vice i have or could have, o i won'tSkdLsPn 3975: but you have to take risks sometimes to experience lifeSkdLsPn 3975: you will be successful no matter whatSkdLsPn 3975: you are youSkdLsPn 3975: not risks with drugs thoughK5 Big E: i know, i'm a survivor, quietly behind the scenes, not struggling, just going alongSkdLsPn 3975: you can risk dating someone youngerK5 Big E: and i may, i'm not sure, i don't want a relationship for awhile, i'll date but they can forget anything elseSkdLsPn 3975: but it will be hard to get someone on your levelSkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: if i dont get laid who cares, i can masturbate, it doesnt matter and sex has problems associated with itSkdLsPn 3975: you need to take the risk of being single for a long timeSkdLsPn 3975: yes it doesSkdLsPn 3975: last night i was terrified that the guy wanted to have sex with meSkdLsPn 3975: but he didntSkdLsPn 3975: he was really respectful and stuffSkdLsPn 3975: it really shocked meSkdLsPn 3975: for some reason, it felt goodK5 Big E: yea when i was with that girl i said "don't worry, i don't want to have sex with you"SkdLsPn 3975: ohK5 Big E: i like to kiss, i forgot how good touch and kiss felt without the rest to worry about, plus i don't have to perform cuz you know thats what i doK5 Big E: is this hurting you to hear in any way whatsoeverSkdLsPn 3975: yeahSkdLsPn 3975: noSkdLsPn 3975: its good to hearSkdLsPn 3975: i'm glad you are sharing in what i am feelingK5 Big E: okay good, yea you are making me feel better right nowSkdLsPn 3975: goodSkdLsPn 3975: i dont want to be one of those "ex girlfriends" you talk bad aboutSkdLsPn 3975: i mean i heard it all from britney and alry and nicholeK5 Big E: i'm glad you're dating, it means you're not hung up on me, i dont talk bad about you, i've told some of my friends exactly what happened but thats allK5 Big E: i dont let people get negative impressions of youSkdLsPn 3975: I dont want you to talk that i was a crazy psycho girl that took drugs etcSkdLsPn 3975: yeahK5 Big E: i try my best not to portray you that waySkdLsPn 3975: I'm not hung up on you, i mean you will always have a place in my heart but it happened when it did for a reason so I just have to be strong and handle itK5 Big E: you are strong you dont have to be it, just be yourself and you will succeedK5 Big E: you've helped me a lot todaySkdLsPn 3975: thanks, you've helped me a lot today tooK5 Big E: goodK5 Big E: i was afraid i was telling you too muchSkdLsPn 3975: i have to get ready and go to work now thoughSkdLsPn 3975: no its fineK5 Big E: yea i gotta go pack and moveK5 Big E: fuckin sucksK5 Big E: i hate my shitSkdLsPn 3975: alrighty well good luck with all of thatSkdLsPn 3975: i knowK5 Big E: i'm about ready to give it all away like stand outside and yell "somebody take all this shit" SkdLsPn 3975: hahahaK5 Big E: i dont want it, make it go awaySkdLsPn 3975: that is hilariousSkdLsPn 3975: okay well i gotta go work till midnight again...SkdLsPn 3975: yaay....K5 Big E: i'm gonna get back to the simple life that i likeSkdLsPn 3975: I'll talk to you laterSkdLsPn 3975: goodSkdLsPn 3975: K5 Big E: o i'm sorry, have a nice day i hopeSkdLsPn 3975: k i'll tryK5 Big E: thanks, i'm glad we talkedSkdLsPn 3975: thanks me tooK5 Big E: i can't wait to hug you, you deserve oneK5 Big E: i mean that in a friend way btw