Letting go and taking hold
Confirmation is a wonderful thing. It can even come in different forms. Sometimes it is confirmation to let go. Sometimes it is confirmation to hold on.
I had both this week.
Yesterday, for the first time ever, I watched as a human being took her first breath of life. I saw two parents cry as 9months, almost 10, of frustration came to a close as they looked at their new baby girl... that I helped bring into this world. By the grace of God, the doctor and I were able to save this baby girl from distress and with just a little more help, she breathed on her own.
Yes, it was disgusting. It was gross, and gooey, and bloody... and amazing.
And it made me want to be a doctor even more.
Some people think this is just a wild hair up my bum, but I am really doing this. I have given my life to medicine. All I wanted to ever do was save the world, and now I am going to do it one person at a time. If that means giving up my own desires, whether it is marriage, kids, or my own life, I am doing this. I am grasping onto this dream and fulfilling it.
Letting go can feel just as amazing. I'm done with him. And it is staying that way. He pushed me away and I don't see a reason to ever let him back, even as a friend. I can't trust him with my heart, what makes me think I can trust him at all? He's erased... out of my phone, my pictures are gone, and honestly... I don't even think of him that much anymore. One guy I went out with threw a hissy fit when he didn't get what he wanted and I'm pretty sure the other is just using me to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Stupid. I don't have time for boys anymore...
Letting go never felt so good.