Broken
Its 7.09am. I fretful dreamless sleep has passed me by.
I haven't heard from Jake. Yesterday he said he'd call me when he arrived at his Nans. I don't know why, but I considered the possibility that he might not yesterday when I was out, clock watching. I was with my friend Jess, she wanted to stay out for another drink (we'd had two cocktails) and I said I had to shoot home. I wanted to be there for him, I didn't want him to call me and for me to be out. But he hasn't called. Even though he's shit at this stuff, this is very unlike him. We've never not said goodnight before. If he could he would call and let me know he arrived safely. He has no mobile phone and I don't know his Nans number. I will probably text his dad later before the funeral, but I don't think I will mention Jake. I'm fucking worried sick, but I figure, if something had happened, his father would call me (he has my number).
Perhaps he feels so awful he doesn't want to talk. Perhaps the b&b doesnt have a payphone. Perhaps he went out for a drink with his brother. I just don't know.
I just don't know.
I feel awful. When people ask me how he's doing will I tell that I have no idea - or lie and say he's fine. Everyone has such an idea of our relationship, and I hate to let it down.
Oh please gods, let him be ok.
J
xxx
I haven't heard from Jake. Yesterday he said he'd call me when he arrived at his Nans. I don't know why, but I considered the possibility that he might not yesterday when I was out, clock watching. I was with my friend Jess, she wanted to stay out for another drink (we'd had two cocktails) and I said I had to shoot home. I wanted to be there for him, I didn't want him to call me and for me to be out. But he hasn't called. Even though he's shit at this stuff, this is very unlike him. We've never not said goodnight before. If he could he would call and let me know he arrived safely. He has no mobile phone and I don't know his Nans number. I will probably text his dad later before the funeral, but I don't think I will mention Jake. I'm fucking worried sick, but I figure, if something had happened, his father would call me (he has my number).
Perhaps he feels so awful he doesn't want to talk. Perhaps the b&b doesnt have a payphone. Perhaps he went out for a drink with his brother. I just don't know.
I just don't know.
I feel awful. When people ask me how he's doing will I tell that I have no idea - or lie and say he's fine. Everyone has such an idea of our relationship, and I hate to let it down.
Oh please gods, let him be ok.
J
xxx