(no subject)
I am incomplete. I am full of longing for him. I miss him so much I ache all over, I miss my best friend. I miss the voice that soothes me, the arms that hold me, the eyes that greet me every single day. God we're lucky.
On the bus home today i wondered if he might have left something for me to find when i got home. I told myself he wouldn't, he hasn't before. He was in a rush this morning.
I came in and my vibrator was on the pillow, the bed made. It made me laugh. I made dinner, I sat down on the bed and read journals. I listened to music. I picked up th vibrator that we so enjoyed this morning and put hid it under the pillow. There was a crinkling noise. Under the pillow, perfectly flat was a page. The writing is big, all in capitals written in felt pen:
"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT IT CANT BE PUT INTO WORDS. PLEASE DONT FEEL BAD THAT YOU WONT BE WITH ME BECAUSE I'LL BE THINKING OF YOU AND I KNOW YOU'LL BE THERE WAITING FOR ME WHEN I GET BACK READY TO GIVE ME A BIG HUG. ENJOY THE EXTRA SPACE AND MAYBE GET A BIT OF PRACTICE ON XIII (GOD KNOWS YOU NEED IT). (JOKING, I LIKE YOUR STYLE). ALL MY LOVE, JAKE XXX"
Perfect.
I have done my first day. I've nearly done my first evening. I havent even started my first night or morning. I have two nights and mornings without him to go. This is much harder that being at home because I'm all alone. But I have his smell around me and all the memories of his skin flashing before me every time I blink.
I have other stuff to say, but thats for another entry. This is a space for just my thoughts of him. Nothing works properly without him, my skin itches.
He is heaven.
Jellica
xxx
On the bus home today i wondered if he might have left something for me to find when i got home. I told myself he wouldn't, he hasn't before. He was in a rush this morning.
I came in and my vibrator was on the pillow, the bed made. It made me laugh. I made dinner, I sat down on the bed and read journals. I listened to music. I picked up th vibrator that we so enjoyed this morning and put hid it under the pillow. There was a crinkling noise. Under the pillow, perfectly flat was a page. The writing is big, all in capitals written in felt pen:
"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT IT CANT BE PUT INTO WORDS. PLEASE DONT FEEL BAD THAT YOU WONT BE WITH ME BECAUSE I'LL BE THINKING OF YOU AND I KNOW YOU'LL BE THERE WAITING FOR ME WHEN I GET BACK READY TO GIVE ME A BIG HUG. ENJOY THE EXTRA SPACE AND MAYBE GET A BIT OF PRACTICE ON XIII (GOD KNOWS YOU NEED IT). (JOKING, I LIKE YOUR STYLE). ALL MY LOVE, JAKE XXX"
Perfect.
I have done my first day. I've nearly done my first evening. I havent even started my first night or morning. I have two nights and mornings without him to go. This is much harder that being at home because I'm all alone. But I have his smell around me and all the memories of his skin flashing before me every time I blink.
I have other stuff to say, but thats for another entry. This is a space for just my thoughts of him. Nothing works properly without him, my skin itches.
He is heaven.
Jellica
xxx