Stop Haunting Me
Every tough event and situation that I've ever been through had a purpose... to bring strength. Despite knowing this, why is it so damn hard to figure out why certain things turn out certain ways in life? Why do we bring so much anger and sadness upon ourselves? Is it to help us feel more human, or is it the denial of our instinctual components?
I graduated a year ago today. Since then I have moved home to NJ, have worked at California Pizza Kitchen ever since it's opening by the Cherry Hill Mall last August, had my gallbladder removed, gained 25 lbs, and met Walter. Yesterday he informs me that he's working two jobs so that he can save up and buy me an engagement ring within the next year or so. I should be happy but I'm having a hard time seeing myself married to him, especially considering we've only been dating like three months. I have a hard time trusting him. I think considering all the shit the last two douchebags put me through it's understandable. He, however, doesn't understand.
Mr. Big called me tonight. Tells me about how he and Elizabeth got married, their baby on the way, and that they're living in California. Like I give two shits. Like I'm jealous of something that's obviously going to fall apart. I can't help but thank my higher power every day that I made the decision not to give birth to his child. Imagine how terrible it would be going to court with him constantly over custody issues.
I wonder if I'll be sitting here two years from now watching Walt start a life with another bitch that I get cheated on with. Can I survive another tragedy like that?
I graduated a year ago today. Since then I have moved home to NJ, have worked at California Pizza Kitchen ever since it's opening by the Cherry Hill Mall last August, had my gallbladder removed, gained 25 lbs, and met Walter. Yesterday he informs me that he's working two jobs so that he can save up and buy me an engagement ring within the next year or so. I should be happy but I'm having a hard time seeing myself married to him, especially considering we've only been dating like three months. I have a hard time trusting him. I think considering all the shit the last two douchebags put me through it's understandable. He, however, doesn't understand.
Mr. Big called me tonight. Tells me about how he and Elizabeth got married, their baby on the way, and that they're living in California. Like I give two shits. Like I'm jealous of something that's obviously going to fall apart. I can't help but thank my higher power every day that I made the decision not to give birth to his child. Imagine how terrible it would be going to court with him constantly over custody issues.
I wonder if I'll be sitting here two years from now watching Walt start a life with another bitch that I get cheated on with. Can I survive another tragedy like that?