Oh you didnt know?
Whats up kids im back with an update:
My new apartment is hooked up. Two tvs, ps2, ANNNNND a computer with a cable modem.
This computer as a result has become a great american porn machine.
Quotes: Brett!? You in there?
(Door swings open)
Qoutes: Odd...his bed is covered in some sort of nest...of what appears to be soiled kleenex? Yet it's pulsating with life? This is some sort of miracle of science!
(Rustle)
Quotes: somthing is emerging!?!?!?
(EMMMMMMMMMERGE!!!!!)
(a face appears out of the mass of kleenex)
Brett: Kill me....
Quotes: OH DEAR GOD!!!
Yeah thats right. I made a cocoon of soiled kleenex that I emerge from every morning to go to work. Got a problem with that?
Theres been some problems with the place
-cable guy found we were tapping the upstairs peoples cable and put a stop to that.
We had hbo ::sobs:: we had hbo...
- the other day the upstairs tennants alarm went off at 4 in the morning and wasnt stopped until i had to leave to go to work. Imagine my fucking surprise. What a sweet pleasent morning joy that was.
-I get up at 5 and get ready for my walk to newark to catch a bus to joes house. It's cold...so cold.
-The other night my roomates radio goes off blasting that korn song that keeps saying the word "suck". Picture me as you will sleeping in a night bliss at 3:00 in the morning and all of a sudden hearing that song "SUCK!!!! GIVE ME SOMTHING TO SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK"
Brett:Huh... HUH!
BRETT: JOE GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!
My shower only has one stream comming out of the head. So basicly you can relate it to getting pissed on. But if I close my eyes real tight and cross my fingers I picture Mrs. Sellecks smiling face up there and with that hot stream of water hitting me dead on the face, Well lets just say that takes me to a special place.
The other day my brother chris ims me and somehow the topic gets to drinking. The kids twelve so I want to set a good example so heres my advice to him (note i blocked out his screen name because I didnt want Joe to find out about it and rub up against him at a bus stop.)
Rebel Elph: you like beer?
Brother: never had it
Brother: you know im under aged
Rebel Elph: you never had a sip?
Brother: no
Brother: u drink it?
Rebel Elph: every now and then
Rebel Elph: im old enough
Brother: i know
Brother: u been drunk?
Rebel Elph: yeah
Rebel Elph: but dont drink
Rebel Elph: cause if I find out
Rebel Elph: ill get josh to sit on your face naked
Brother: awq id get squished
Rebel Elph: hahah his balls would be on your face
Brother: nasty
Godamn I should give lectures to kids. I should do it for a living.
Brett: Hello kids im here to talk to about the evils of drinking and driving. But first I want you to know something I bang hard...and I bang fast so try to keep up. Anyway Im here in part I want to help the next generation of kids and part community service. Any questions? Yes you the little girl in the front.
Girl: I saw you take the bus here? How can you talk to us about drinking and driving when you dont even have a car!
Kids: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Brett: Yeah I dont have a licence. Lets just say I made a mistake. Now everyone makes mistakes! I mean you parents obviously made atleast one. Allright next question You! Yes the young man with the John doe shirt!
Kid: My Brother was going to his prom one night and he was drinking. After the prom he drove into a tree and he died. We had just had a agrument that night and now he died, I never got to tell him I loved him.
Brett: (on a cell phone) What!? Oh NO! You tell that Bitch I was there and no one showed. OH IM NOT TELLING HER SHIT! YOU TELL THAT BITCH I TRIED CALLING HER 3 TIMES! HOLD ON. Yeah that was a great question kid... NO I WASNT TALKING TO YOU! I got to go! No I got to go.
Brett: Okay heres the part of the talk were I tell you a story. Gather round kids. The story invovles a person...Lets call him say... Mr Patton. Mr Patton was in a bar one night drinking and het a young columbian girl. Anyway all of Mr Patton's friends warned him not to drive home drunk. But All this young man could think about was getting his dick wet. So he drove home.
John Doe kid: Did he crash and die!?
Brett: No you morbid asshole he got home. Then he loved that girl (starts making hummping motions with hips and hands) loved her nice and strong... BAM (makes gesture..)... right and proper like BAM!(makes gesture)
Girl: What do this
Brett: BAMMMMMMMM!(makes gesture)
Girl: WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE EVILS OF DRUNK DRIVING!?
Brett: Well lets get down to brass tacks babe.When Ole Mr Patton sobered up and woke up and relized what he had sex with... Have any of kids ever seen that show Tales of the cyrpt?
Kid in a GYDW shirt: I HAVE!
Brett: Yeah, well Picture the crypt keepers face on big foots body. Now through in a pussy and you have what I er I mean what Mr Patton fucked?
Girl: This is terrible! Your just some loser thats doing this for communtiy service. YOU SUCK!
Brett: No theirs a moral. His friends made fun of him and boy was his face red. Red as my nuts on a winter day.
(door swings open)
Cop: Allright thats it your going in!
Brett: WHAT!? Since when cant a grown man talk to a small child about his red nut sack! THIS IS LUDICRIS!
Cop 2: Take it easy swish
Brett: YOU cant do this to me IM A BANGER!!!
(gets dragged out)
Brett: A BAAANNNNNNNNNNNNGER
*sidenote: My brother saw my profile on aim about banging joes mom and asked why im so wierd... Ppsh Me weird!? I think not.
My new apartment is hooked up. Two tvs, ps2, ANNNNND a computer with a cable modem.
This computer as a result has become a great american porn machine.
Quotes: Brett!? You in there?
(Door swings open)
Qoutes: Odd...his bed is covered in some sort of nest...of what appears to be soiled kleenex? Yet it's pulsating with life? This is some sort of miracle of science!
(Rustle)
Quotes: somthing is emerging!?!?!?
(EMMMMMMMMMERGE!!!!!)
(a face appears out of the mass of kleenex)
Brett: Kill me....
Quotes: OH DEAR GOD!!!
Yeah thats right. I made a cocoon of soiled kleenex that I emerge from every morning to go to work. Got a problem with that?
Theres been some problems with the place
-cable guy found we were tapping the upstairs peoples cable and put a stop to that.
We had hbo ::sobs:: we had hbo...
- the other day the upstairs tennants alarm went off at 4 in the morning and wasnt stopped until i had to leave to go to work. Imagine my fucking surprise. What a sweet pleasent morning joy that was.
-I get up at 5 and get ready for my walk to newark to catch a bus to joes house. It's cold...so cold.
-The other night my roomates radio goes off blasting that korn song that keeps saying the word "suck". Picture me as you will sleeping in a night bliss at 3:00 in the morning and all of a sudden hearing that song "SUCK!!!! GIVE ME SOMTHING TO SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK"
Brett:Huh... HUH!
BRETT: JOE GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!
My shower only has one stream comming out of the head. So basicly you can relate it to getting pissed on. But if I close my eyes real tight and cross my fingers I picture Mrs. Sellecks smiling face up there and with that hot stream of water hitting me dead on the face, Well lets just say that takes me to a special place.
The other day my brother chris ims me and somehow the topic gets to drinking. The kids twelve so I want to set a good example so heres my advice to him (note i blocked out his screen name because I didnt want Joe to find out about it and rub up against him at a bus stop.)
Rebel Elph: you like beer?
Brother: never had it
Brother: you know im under aged
Rebel Elph: you never had a sip?
Brother: no
Brother: u drink it?
Rebel Elph: every now and then
Rebel Elph: im old enough
Brother: i know
Brother: u been drunk?
Rebel Elph: yeah
Rebel Elph: but dont drink
Rebel Elph: cause if I find out
Rebel Elph: ill get josh to sit on your face naked
Brother: awq id get squished
Rebel Elph: hahah his balls would be on your face
Brother: nasty
Godamn I should give lectures to kids. I should do it for a living.
Brett: Hello kids im here to talk to about the evils of drinking and driving. But first I want you to know something I bang hard...and I bang fast so try to keep up. Anyway Im here in part I want to help the next generation of kids and part community service. Any questions? Yes you the little girl in the front.
Girl: I saw you take the bus here? How can you talk to us about drinking and driving when you dont even have a car!
Kids: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Brett: Yeah I dont have a licence. Lets just say I made a mistake. Now everyone makes mistakes! I mean you parents obviously made atleast one. Allright next question You! Yes the young man with the John doe shirt!
Kid: My Brother was going to his prom one night and he was drinking. After the prom he drove into a tree and he died. We had just had a agrument that night and now he died, I never got to tell him I loved him.
Brett: (on a cell phone) What!? Oh NO! You tell that Bitch I was there and no one showed. OH IM NOT TELLING HER SHIT! YOU TELL THAT BITCH I TRIED CALLING HER 3 TIMES! HOLD ON. Yeah that was a great question kid... NO I WASNT TALKING TO YOU! I got to go! No I got to go.
Brett: Okay heres the part of the talk were I tell you a story. Gather round kids. The story invovles a person...Lets call him say... Mr Patton. Mr Patton was in a bar one night drinking and het a young columbian girl. Anyway all of Mr Patton's friends warned him not to drive home drunk. But All this young man could think about was getting his dick wet. So he drove home.
John Doe kid: Did he crash and die!?
Brett: No you morbid asshole he got home. Then he loved that girl (starts making hummping motions with hips and hands) loved her nice and strong... BAM (makes gesture..)... right and proper like BAM!(makes gesture)
Girl: What do this
Brett: BAMMMMMMMM!(makes gesture)
Girl: WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE EVILS OF DRUNK DRIVING!?
Brett: Well lets get down to brass tacks babe.When Ole Mr Patton sobered up and woke up and relized what he had sex with... Have any of kids ever seen that show Tales of the cyrpt?
Kid in a GYDW shirt: I HAVE!
Brett: Yeah, well Picture the crypt keepers face on big foots body. Now through in a pussy and you have what I er I mean what Mr Patton fucked?
Girl: This is terrible! Your just some loser thats doing this for communtiy service. YOU SUCK!
Brett: No theirs a moral. His friends made fun of him and boy was his face red. Red as my nuts on a winter day.
(door swings open)
Cop: Allright thats it your going in!
Brett: WHAT!? Since when cant a grown man talk to a small child about his red nut sack! THIS IS LUDICRIS!
Cop 2: Take it easy swish
Brett: YOU cant do this to me IM A BANGER!!!
(gets dragged out)
Brett: A BAAANNNNNNNNNNNNGER
*sidenote: My brother saw my profile on aim about banging joes mom and asked why im so wierd... Ppsh Me weird!? I think not.