FIC! Remus/Harry. PG+
Yes. Remus/Harry. I don't know either. I just found this almost-completed on my hard drive, and touched it up. So, um. Yeah. Remus/Harry. *scampers off*
Title: An Attempt In Seduction
Author: juxtaposed, aka jennuine
Summary: The summer after fifth year, Harry makes a discovery and a decision. Remus is held helpless hostage.
Pairing and Rating: Remus/Harry, PG+
Notes: Oh, god, I dont know what I was thinking when I wrote this. Its about 80% crack, 20% crack on crack.
An Attempt In Seduction
It was rather clichéd, Harry felt, that he’d had so many revelations following Sirius’ death, because honestly, why should just one event change his perspective on life as he knew it, even if it was a rather big event, as far as events in his life went, and he really was digressing from the point, which was - it was a cliché, but damn it, clichés were clichés for a reason, reason being that they were usually true.
And it was. True, that was. After Sirius had died, Harry had had no choice but to do a lot of thinking and reflecting and contemplating (and some dwelling and pondering and musing), and after all that, he had finally arrived at several conclusions, most of which were news to him, and therefore were not so much conclusions as they were revelations.
But he was digressing again.
They were, in order: that he was a selfish, ungrateful brat; that Dumbledore was a conniving, manipulative bastard; that maybe he wasn’t so much a brat as he was a moody, hormonal teenager who had been duped; that Snape might have been on the Order’s side but he was still a bastard (this was the only non-revelation); that Sirius, may his soul rest in peace, was kind of rash and impetuous (which was not to say in any way that it was his fault that he was dead, but that it was a contributing factor, all in all); that the only person who was more upset than Harry was was Remus (and who could blame the man after losing all his best friends); that based off exactly how upset Remus was, and how close he and Sirius had been, he might have lost more than a best friend; that that would mean that Remus was - queer; that Harry didn’t mind at all if Remus was queer (he thought it was rather interesting actually); that perhaps Harry himself might want to explore that route; and finally that Harry might want to explore that route with Remus.
These were a lot of things to think about and digest for any one person, let alone a barely-sixteen-year-old boy in the course of two months, but Harry managed somehow, only narrowly escaping insanity by doing what sixteen-year-old boys do - wanking.
It was through his daily tug-o-war with himself, in fact, that he came - pun not intended - to his last revelation, because what had started out as a perfectly innocent and socially acceptable fantasy about Ginny Weasley had - of its own accord - evolved into an incredibly sordid and remarkably filthy one of Draco Malfoy.
Harry had never come so hard in his life.
Until the next day, when his downright pornographic fantasy switched its main star from Draco to Remus.
Harry passed out in the shower from that one.
When he came to, still boneless from his orgasm, he made a solemn decision - he was going to seduce Remus Lupin.
If only for the good of his raging teenage libido, although obviously Harry was a little bit more altruistic than that, and was also taking Remus’ welfare into consideration - after all, what with losing Sirius, Remus must surely be lacking in company and sex and all, and Harry, who felt himself such a generous person, decided that surely, it was his godson-ly duty to Sirius that he take up with his late godfather’s lover.
Now, all he had to do was contrive a plan, and then put it into action, so that he could get some action - that was, so that he and Remus could both get some.
Finally following her advice after five years of effort, Harry took one of Hermione’s tips for effective time management - he made a list of things to do, and when to get them done. When he was done, it looked something like this:
1. Flirt with Remus. (during rest of Summer hols)
2. Make sure Remus is gay! (this should probably be #1)
3. Find out if Remus would be interested in me. (this should be #2)
4. If not, find a way to make Remus interested in me. (maybe if I dressed or acted more like Sirius?)
5. Eventually drop a hint that I would like to have him shag my brains out. (before school starts again might be good)
6. Show up naked around him a lot. (can be done at all times possible)
7. Have lots of chocolate and strawberries on hand. (Remus likes chocolate, and I read that this is an aphrodisiac treat)
It was quite a complete list, Harry thought with satisfaction, and decided to put his plan into action that day itself. First on the list was ensuring that Remus was gay, because even though he put out a vibe that practically screamed ‘I like cock and I don’t mean the chicken’, there was still the tiny possibility that Harry was mistaken, and that would just lead to all sorts of awkwardness that Harry would rather avoid. So he decided to write a nice, friendly letter to Remus, subtly enquiring about his inclinations.
Unfortunately, subtlety had never been one of Harry’s strong points.
Remus showed up at the Dursleys an hour later, apparating into Harry’s room with a loud crack. He stood clutching Harry’s letter in his hand, looking thoroughly - and fetchingly, Harry thought - bewildered. “Hullo, Harry,” he said. “Did you write this letter to me?”
“Remus!” Harry beamed at his to-be-seducee. “I did.”
Remus cleared his throat and glanced down at the parchment. “ ‘Dear Remus, I believe you are queer. Am I right? Love, Harry.’ ” he read out, then looked up at Harry with an amused, if slightly horrified expression. “You honestly thought this was appropriate correspondence material?”
“Well, I didn’t want to beat around the bush,” Harry explained. “Would you preferred if I had asked, ‘Dear Remus, do you prefer bananas to oranges, and by the way that was a thinly-veiled analogy for finding out your sexual orientation’?”
Remus looked rather despairing now. “Oh dear,” he murmured. “Oh dear.”
That was not a good sign, Harry felt. “That’s not a good sign,” he said.
Remus blinked at him. “Sign for what?”
For my seductive-type plans, Harry nearly said, except that he remembered just in time that generally, seductions work better when the seducee has no idea of their getting seduced. So he simply said nothing and smiled genially - and hopefully winningly - at Remus.
Who eyed him anxiously, but did not comment. Instead, he said, “Well, to answer your question, I would be - well, that is, I - yes. Yes, Harry, I am homosexual.”
“Brilliant!” Harry exclaimed.
Remus smiled hesitantly. “Brilliant?”
Harry nodded excitedly. “Yes, absolutely brilliant, Remus, you’ve made my day!”
“Well, I - I’m glad you’re so supportive of this, Harry. Even if you are acting rather oddly.”
“Me? Odd? Hah!” Harry barked out a laugh. “No, no, Remus, I am just pleased.”
“Alright,” Remus said slowly, looking carefully at Harry. “If that’s all.”
“Well, I think I’m gay too,” Harry blurted out, in hopes of accomplishing #3 on his list, which was really #2.
Remus suddenly developed a knowing look. “Ah, so that’s what this is about.”
For a moment, Harry panicked. Remus was smart, but that was still awfully fast to pick up on Harry’s masterfully-crafted plan to seduce him. “What? What’s what about?”
“It’s alright, Harry,” Remus smiled reassuringly. “It might be a bit awkward and confusing at first, but I assure you, its nothing to get worried about.”
“Who’s worried? I’m not - I’m not!”
“Harry,” Remus smiled again. “Being gay is not a crime, nor is it unnatural. And if anyone ever tells you otherwise, you have my permission to cast one of those nasty hexes I know Sirius taught you over Christmas.”
“Oh,” Harry said, with sudden realization. “Oh, you thought I - yes, I know being queer isn’t - well, queer. And speaking of Sirius, I don’t mean to bring up painful memories, but you two were - that is, you -”
Remus looked mildly pained. “Yes, Harry, Sirius and I were lovers. I’m sorry we never got the chance to tell you while he was still around, but -”
“Oh - that’s - that’s alright,” Harry paused. “Do you miss him, then? I mean, stupid question, but I’m just -”
Thankfully, Remus stopped him. “Yes, Harry, I miss him very much.”
“Would you date another bloke?” Harry blurted out, his brain hating his mouth very much, because this was most definitely not the way to seduce anybody, let alone Remus, and that was not on.
“Well, I - I suppose in time, if I found the right person, I would,” Remus answered slowly. He looked decidedly uncomfortable, but being Remus, he kept his composure and simply waited for Harry’s next question.
Except that it wasn’t a question.
Harry’s brain officially seceded itself from the rest of Harry’s body, as the latter lurched forward and clumsily pressed a kiss to a very unprepared Remus.
He may not have been expecting it, but he had excellent reflexes - Remus immediately brought his hands up and gently pushed Harry away. “Harry, may I ask what this is about?”
Harry was bright red when he replied. “Well, I kind of thought that would have been kind of obvious, what with my lips being briefly attached to yours, and I’m sorry I’m babbling because my brain usually stops this sort of thing but its recently decided not to take any responsibility for the stupidity of my actions and signed some sort of form declaring it is no longer part of my body so my mouth just keeps talking with no one to keep it in check, so I’m just sorry about kissing you and then rambling on and on.”
Remus blinked.
Harry blushed further.
“Harry, if you have some sort of crush on me, you can just tell me,” Remus said kindly. “Although, you know we cant possibly pursue it, so it’d be best to get over it.”
“Why can’t we pursue it?” Harry asked, feeling jilted but nonetheless perseverant.
“Besides the twenty-year age gap? I’ve been offered my old post at Hogwarts, it would hardly be appropriate for a student and professor to be having a relationship.”
“Well, you could be my professor still,” Harry said earnestly. “I actually kind of had a fantasy about that, where you - oh,” he paused when he saw Remus’ tightly drawn expression.
At first glance it appeared to be disapproval, but as it occurred to Harry that none of Remus’ protests had stated he wasn’t attracted to him, it became clearer that Remus was trying not to get aroused.
Harry grinned wickedly. “But I suppose you don’t want to hear about how I used to wank thinking about Ginny sucking me off in the Quidditch locker rooms, except that I discovered I was gay, so it became Draco Malfoy pushing me against the wall in the dungeons, snogging me forcefully and tearing my clothes off before he shoved his cock up my arse and pounded into me, making me scream and writhe and moan until I came hard all over his pretty white skin -”
“Harry,” Remus said, in a rather strangled voice. “What are you trying to do?”
“ - Except that I don’t really like Draco that much, he’s pretty but a bastard, so then I began to fantasize about you, because I rather fancy you, I think -”
“Harry,” Remus said again, pleading more urgently.
“- and so I began thinking about all those times you gave me private lessons, and how we could do it all over again, except this time if I made a mistake you could punish me, just bend me over your desk and spank me, and if I was good you could reward me by shagging me until I go blind -”
“Harry,” Remus growled.
“- and instead of all those Defence lessons about Patronuses, you could be teaching me about sex and how to please you and make you come, maybe you could make me suck you off, or observe my technique in wanking and preparing myself for you, and you could correct me, because you’re always so thorough and I bet you would give me a thorough seeing-to as well, and then I would shout your name when I come -”
“Harry!”
“- but you don’t want to hear that, I suppose.” Harry finished, giving Remus his most innocent look. “Yes?”
Remus grabbed Harry roughly and pulled him close. “I'm going to hell, but you are one of the most persuasive students I've ever come across,” he said huskily, then caught Harry’s lips with his. His tongue slipped out and delved into Harry’s mouth, dancing over his teeth and tongue and tonsils until Harry was rather delirious.
“As long…as you…come,” murmured Harry in a daze, leaning in to kiss Remus again.
Remus chuckled throatily. “We both will,” he promised.
FIN
Note: Mmmm, I know its a bit uncharacteristic of Remus to just agree, but hey, hot sixteen year old boy throwing himself at him. Anyway, I imagine after this Remus gets all angsty and oh-no-how-could-I-have-taken-advantage-of-Harry, but I couldnt be arsed to write that bit out.
Also, anyone know any comms where I might inflict this upon the members?
Flame-throwing may commence!
Title: An Attempt In Seduction
Author: juxtaposed, aka jennuine
Summary: The summer after fifth year, Harry makes a discovery and a decision. Remus is held helpless hostage.
Pairing and Rating: Remus/Harry, PG+
Notes: Oh, god, I dont know what I was thinking when I wrote this. Its about 80% crack, 20% crack on crack.
An Attempt In Seduction
It was rather clichéd, Harry felt, that he’d had so many revelations following Sirius’ death, because honestly, why should just one event change his perspective on life as he knew it, even if it was a rather big event, as far as events in his life went, and he really was digressing from the point, which was - it was a cliché, but damn it, clichés were clichés for a reason, reason being that they were usually true.
And it was. True, that was. After Sirius had died, Harry had had no choice but to do a lot of thinking and reflecting and contemplating (and some dwelling and pondering and musing), and after all that, he had finally arrived at several conclusions, most of which were news to him, and therefore were not so much conclusions as they were revelations.
But he was digressing again.
They were, in order: that he was a selfish, ungrateful brat; that Dumbledore was a conniving, manipulative bastard; that maybe he wasn’t so much a brat as he was a moody, hormonal teenager who had been duped; that Snape might have been on the Order’s side but he was still a bastard (this was the only non-revelation); that Sirius, may his soul rest in peace, was kind of rash and impetuous (which was not to say in any way that it was his fault that he was dead, but that it was a contributing factor, all in all); that the only person who was more upset than Harry was was Remus (and who could blame the man after losing all his best friends); that based off exactly how upset Remus was, and how close he and Sirius had been, he might have lost more than a best friend; that that would mean that Remus was - queer; that Harry didn’t mind at all if Remus was queer (he thought it was rather interesting actually); that perhaps Harry himself might want to explore that route; and finally that Harry might want to explore that route with Remus.
These were a lot of things to think about and digest for any one person, let alone a barely-sixteen-year-old boy in the course of two months, but Harry managed somehow, only narrowly escaping insanity by doing what sixteen-year-old boys do - wanking.
It was through his daily tug-o-war with himself, in fact, that he came - pun not intended - to his last revelation, because what had started out as a perfectly innocent and socially acceptable fantasy about Ginny Weasley had - of its own accord - evolved into an incredibly sordid and remarkably filthy one of Draco Malfoy.
Harry had never come so hard in his life.
Until the next day, when his downright pornographic fantasy switched its main star from Draco to Remus.
Harry passed out in the shower from that one.
When he came to, still boneless from his orgasm, he made a solemn decision - he was going to seduce Remus Lupin.
If only for the good of his raging teenage libido, although obviously Harry was a little bit more altruistic than that, and was also taking Remus’ welfare into consideration - after all, what with losing Sirius, Remus must surely be lacking in company and sex and all, and Harry, who felt himself such a generous person, decided that surely, it was his godson-ly duty to Sirius that he take up with his late godfather’s lover.
Now, all he had to do was contrive a plan, and then put it into action, so that he could get some action - that was, so that he and Remus could both get some.
Finally following her advice after five years of effort, Harry took one of Hermione’s tips for effective time management - he made a list of things to do, and when to get them done. When he was done, it looked something like this:
1. Flirt with Remus. (during rest of Summer hols)
2. Make sure Remus is gay! (this should probably be #1)
3. Find out if Remus would be interested in me. (this should be #2)
4. If not, find a way to make Remus interested in me. (maybe if I dressed or acted more like Sirius?)
5. Eventually drop a hint that I would like to have him shag my brains out. (before school starts again might be good)
6. Show up naked around him a lot. (can be done at all times possible)
7. Have lots of chocolate and strawberries on hand. (Remus likes chocolate, and I read that this is an aphrodisiac treat)
It was quite a complete list, Harry thought with satisfaction, and decided to put his plan into action that day itself. First on the list was ensuring that Remus was gay, because even though he put out a vibe that practically screamed ‘I like cock and I don’t mean the chicken’, there was still the tiny possibility that Harry was mistaken, and that would just lead to all sorts of awkwardness that Harry would rather avoid. So he decided to write a nice, friendly letter to Remus, subtly enquiring about his inclinations.
Unfortunately, subtlety had never been one of Harry’s strong points.
Remus showed up at the Dursleys an hour later, apparating into Harry’s room with a loud crack. He stood clutching Harry’s letter in his hand, looking thoroughly - and fetchingly, Harry thought - bewildered. “Hullo, Harry,” he said. “Did you write this letter to me?”
“Remus!” Harry beamed at his to-be-seducee. “I did.”
Remus cleared his throat and glanced down at the parchment. “ ‘Dear Remus, I believe you are queer. Am I right? Love, Harry.’ ” he read out, then looked up at Harry with an amused, if slightly horrified expression. “You honestly thought this was appropriate correspondence material?”
“Well, I didn’t want to beat around the bush,” Harry explained. “Would you preferred if I had asked, ‘Dear Remus, do you prefer bananas to oranges, and by the way that was a thinly-veiled analogy for finding out your sexual orientation’?”
Remus looked rather despairing now. “Oh dear,” he murmured. “Oh dear.”
That was not a good sign, Harry felt. “That’s not a good sign,” he said.
Remus blinked at him. “Sign for what?”
For my seductive-type plans, Harry nearly said, except that he remembered just in time that generally, seductions work better when the seducee has no idea of their getting seduced. So he simply said nothing and smiled genially - and hopefully winningly - at Remus.
Who eyed him anxiously, but did not comment. Instead, he said, “Well, to answer your question, I would be - well, that is, I - yes. Yes, Harry, I am homosexual.”
“Brilliant!” Harry exclaimed.
Remus smiled hesitantly. “Brilliant?”
Harry nodded excitedly. “Yes, absolutely brilliant, Remus, you’ve made my day!”
“Well, I - I’m glad you’re so supportive of this, Harry. Even if you are acting rather oddly.”
“Me? Odd? Hah!” Harry barked out a laugh. “No, no, Remus, I am just pleased.”
“Alright,” Remus said slowly, looking carefully at Harry. “If that’s all.”
“Well, I think I’m gay too,” Harry blurted out, in hopes of accomplishing #3 on his list, which was really #2.
Remus suddenly developed a knowing look. “Ah, so that’s what this is about.”
For a moment, Harry panicked. Remus was smart, but that was still awfully fast to pick up on Harry’s masterfully-crafted plan to seduce him. “What? What’s what about?”
“It’s alright, Harry,” Remus smiled reassuringly. “It might be a bit awkward and confusing at first, but I assure you, its nothing to get worried about.”
“Who’s worried? I’m not - I’m not!”
“Harry,” Remus smiled again. “Being gay is not a crime, nor is it unnatural. And if anyone ever tells you otherwise, you have my permission to cast one of those nasty hexes I know Sirius taught you over Christmas.”
“Oh,” Harry said, with sudden realization. “Oh, you thought I - yes, I know being queer isn’t - well, queer. And speaking of Sirius, I don’t mean to bring up painful memories, but you two were - that is, you -”
Remus looked mildly pained. “Yes, Harry, Sirius and I were lovers. I’m sorry we never got the chance to tell you while he was still around, but -”
“Oh - that’s - that’s alright,” Harry paused. “Do you miss him, then? I mean, stupid question, but I’m just -”
Thankfully, Remus stopped him. “Yes, Harry, I miss him very much.”
“Would you date another bloke?” Harry blurted out, his brain hating his mouth very much, because this was most definitely not the way to seduce anybody, let alone Remus, and that was not on.
“Well, I - I suppose in time, if I found the right person, I would,” Remus answered slowly. He looked decidedly uncomfortable, but being Remus, he kept his composure and simply waited for Harry’s next question.
Except that it wasn’t a question.
Harry’s brain officially seceded itself from the rest of Harry’s body, as the latter lurched forward and clumsily pressed a kiss to a very unprepared Remus.
He may not have been expecting it, but he had excellent reflexes - Remus immediately brought his hands up and gently pushed Harry away. “Harry, may I ask what this is about?”
Harry was bright red when he replied. “Well, I kind of thought that would have been kind of obvious, what with my lips being briefly attached to yours, and I’m sorry I’m babbling because my brain usually stops this sort of thing but its recently decided not to take any responsibility for the stupidity of my actions and signed some sort of form declaring it is no longer part of my body so my mouth just keeps talking with no one to keep it in check, so I’m just sorry about kissing you and then rambling on and on.”
Remus blinked.
Harry blushed further.
“Harry, if you have some sort of crush on me, you can just tell me,” Remus said kindly. “Although, you know we cant possibly pursue it, so it’d be best to get over it.”
“Why can’t we pursue it?” Harry asked, feeling jilted but nonetheless perseverant.
“Besides the twenty-year age gap? I’ve been offered my old post at Hogwarts, it would hardly be appropriate for a student and professor to be having a relationship.”
“Well, you could be my professor still,” Harry said earnestly. “I actually kind of had a fantasy about that, where you - oh,” he paused when he saw Remus’ tightly drawn expression.
At first glance it appeared to be disapproval, but as it occurred to Harry that none of Remus’ protests had stated he wasn’t attracted to him, it became clearer that Remus was trying not to get aroused.
Harry grinned wickedly. “But I suppose you don’t want to hear about how I used to wank thinking about Ginny sucking me off in the Quidditch locker rooms, except that I discovered I was gay, so it became Draco Malfoy pushing me against the wall in the dungeons, snogging me forcefully and tearing my clothes off before he shoved his cock up my arse and pounded into me, making me scream and writhe and moan until I came hard all over his pretty white skin -”
“Harry,” Remus said, in a rather strangled voice. “What are you trying to do?”
“ - Except that I don’t really like Draco that much, he’s pretty but a bastard, so then I began to fantasize about you, because I rather fancy you, I think -”
“Harry,” Remus said again, pleading more urgently.
“- and so I began thinking about all those times you gave me private lessons, and how we could do it all over again, except this time if I made a mistake you could punish me, just bend me over your desk and spank me, and if I was good you could reward me by shagging me until I go blind -”
“Harry,” Remus growled.
“- and instead of all those Defence lessons about Patronuses, you could be teaching me about sex and how to please you and make you come, maybe you could make me suck you off, or observe my technique in wanking and preparing myself for you, and you could correct me, because you’re always so thorough and I bet you would give me a thorough seeing-to as well, and then I would shout your name when I come -”
“Harry!”
“- but you don’t want to hear that, I suppose.” Harry finished, giving Remus his most innocent look. “Yes?”
Remus grabbed Harry roughly and pulled him close. “I'm going to hell, but you are one of the most persuasive students I've ever come across,” he said huskily, then caught Harry’s lips with his. His tongue slipped out and delved into Harry’s mouth, dancing over his teeth and tongue and tonsils until Harry was rather delirious.
“As long…as you…come,” murmured Harry in a daze, leaning in to kiss Remus again.
Remus chuckled throatily. “We both will,” he promised.
FIN
Note: Mmmm, I know its a bit uncharacteristic of Remus to just agree, but hey, hot sixteen year old boy throwing himself at him. Anyway, I imagine after this Remus gets all angsty and oh-no-how-could-I-have-taken-advantage-of-Harry, but I couldnt be arsed to write that bit out.
Also, anyone know any comms where I might inflict this upon the members?
Flame-throwing may commence!