2615.5: Wear Me Down [again]
My last post should prolly have been prefaced with this comment [note the "observe" tag, indicating observations about the world, as opposed to the "complainy" tag, about general bitchery] but, though that's what editing's for, it prolly merits its own separate post.
My relationship with art is a bit strained, is perhaps a more accurate statement than what prolly reads as a load of drama.* I like drawing, but not all the time, and I don't like it enough to get it out so no one bugs me about maybe I should hire someone to do it for me [itself its own kind of insult, suggesting the composition is more important than the delivery]. I mean, I appreciate that life is transitory, and there's always a possibility that if I don't at least get things written down, they could be lost forever, but I'm also of the mentality that life is a gift, not an obligation: I shouldn't ever feel pressured to do things quickly that I would enjoy more if I took my time. Also note the adage that a publication [contextually, a video game] is only late until it's done, whereas if it's bad, it's bad forever--something I prefer to avoid.
*HAW I had typoed DRAWMA here! XB brehhh!
So when I left the art "community" as a whole, it was with the mentality that posting random crap doodles I might do during the day and getting random crap "wow taht is so cool draw me charatcer peas?!" comments was largely unfulfilling. Even if I slowed my pace and posted only my better pieces, the slowed pace seemed to reflect a similar change in pace of commenting, as though because I wasn't creating as regularly it meant more people forgot about me, and even the ones who would comment said things like, "hay dats' awesum draw me cahracter peas?!" with almost no attention paid to the piece itself [that is, ulterior motive speaking]. Even if I did art exchanges, they were often me drawing someone else's [often crap] characters and receiving random doodle in exchange, often of some random "hay I maed dis 4 u" character that, interesting and good as it may be, may just as well have been a random Google image search in terms of relevance.
I'm not going to point fingers and say, "ZOMG YUO OWE ME PRAIZE!!1" because that's not fair to anyone, nor is it satisfying to play Teh Drama Queens like that. It's more that I don't know what I want out of art if, as evidence has shown, being prolific is unsatisfying but I still somehow miss any sort of attention from putting more time into something, even when it's like it's almost all the same to the audience, quality be damned. Lately, the best I've felt was when someone praised my layouts--of other people's artwork, note--and what does that say about my original stuff?
The key is, I recognize, what's important to me and what's important to other people is vastly different, so it's only natural that if I do something exactly as that person wanted then they will appreciate it more than if I do my own thing, which--as noted above--has little to no relevance to the recipient. Is there a way to strike a balance? Perhaps, but this gets into the prolific comic stuff I've mentioned before, where [even I admit] a good quality comic will get overlooked in favour of a lower-quality daily comic, due to being infrequent to update. I know there're exceptions, depending on the content, but I'm having trouble generating that content, myself, instead pandering to the random personal shit that's been with me for what feels like forever.
Not a demand, but just a note that people do appreciate it when you pay attention. "Hey thats grate" is not attention. Liking it deeply but not telling the creator so is not attention. Certainly stealing the art, erasing copyright info, and reposting it somewhere else under your name is attention, but THE WRONG KIND. "Ooo, I like how you did the texture in the lace on her dress, is that your own clothing design?" is paying attention and being respectful to the creator's effort.
People also just want some kind of acknowledgement once in a while, too, to know they aren't projecting into an empty venue, which goes into my "self-isolation is counterproductive" bit from before. Stuff like sending out three dozen Christmas cards and only getting a handful, if that, in return--not even an e-mail saying "hey i got ur card" =p That's discouraging, though I'm sure most folks [like me] do it anyway because, being the person who maybe can't send cards for what reason, it would be nicer to get one than not get one, and it's petty to keep a scoreboard of that stuff so why not just blanketly send something to everyone, funds providing? Stuff like that.
[On that note, I got cards from Grandma, Mom/Dad, Prismo, and Digo/Azzy so far, thankee peeps!]
Of course, my specific problem is still, if doing art for myself isn't satisfying, what is? =/ I think I know, but that's getting into some heavy psychological stuff not easily remedied in introspective LiveJournal posts, stuff I'm still working through and may never finish. I do have a pretty complex pic immediately on the plate, though, maybe post in a day or two.
My relationship with art is a bit strained, is perhaps a more accurate statement than what prolly reads as a load of drama.* I like drawing, but not all the time, and I don't like it enough to get it out so no one bugs me about maybe I should hire someone to do it for me [itself its own kind of insult, suggesting the composition is more important than the delivery]. I mean, I appreciate that life is transitory, and there's always a possibility that if I don't at least get things written down, they could be lost forever, but I'm also of the mentality that life is a gift, not an obligation: I shouldn't ever feel pressured to do things quickly that I would enjoy more if I took my time. Also note the adage that a publication [contextually, a video game] is only late until it's done, whereas if it's bad, it's bad forever--something I prefer to avoid.
*HAW I had typoed DRAWMA here! XB brehhh!
So when I left the art "community" as a whole, it was with the mentality that posting random crap doodles I might do during the day and getting random crap "wow taht is so cool draw me charatcer peas?!" comments was largely unfulfilling. Even if I slowed my pace and posted only my better pieces, the slowed pace seemed to reflect a similar change in pace of commenting, as though because I wasn't creating as regularly it meant more people forgot about me, and even the ones who would comment said things like, "hay dats' awesum draw me cahracter peas?!" with almost no attention paid to the piece itself [that is, ulterior motive speaking]. Even if I did art exchanges, they were often me drawing someone else's [often crap] characters and receiving random doodle in exchange, often of some random "hay I maed dis 4 u" character that, interesting and good as it may be, may just as well have been a random Google image search in terms of relevance.
I'm not going to point fingers and say, "ZOMG YUO OWE ME PRAIZE!!1" because that's not fair to anyone, nor is it satisfying to play Teh Drama Queens like that. It's more that I don't know what I want out of art if, as evidence has shown, being prolific is unsatisfying but I still somehow miss any sort of attention from putting more time into something, even when it's like it's almost all the same to the audience, quality be damned. Lately, the best I've felt was when someone praised my layouts--of other people's artwork, note--and what does that say about my original stuff?
The key is, I recognize, what's important to me and what's important to other people is vastly different, so it's only natural that if I do something exactly as that person wanted then they will appreciate it more than if I do my own thing, which--as noted above--has little to no relevance to the recipient. Is there a way to strike a balance? Perhaps, but this gets into the prolific comic stuff I've mentioned before, where [even I admit] a good quality comic will get overlooked in favour of a lower-quality daily comic, due to being infrequent to update. I know there're exceptions, depending on the content, but I'm having trouble generating that content, myself, instead pandering to the random personal shit that's been with me for what feels like forever.
Not a demand, but just a note that people do appreciate it when you pay attention. "Hey thats grate" is not attention. Liking it deeply but not telling the creator so is not attention. Certainly stealing the art, erasing copyright info, and reposting it somewhere else under your name is attention, but THE WRONG KIND. "Ooo, I like how you did the texture in the lace on her dress, is that your own clothing design?" is paying attention and being respectful to the creator's effort.
People also just want some kind of acknowledgement once in a while, too, to know they aren't projecting into an empty venue, which goes into my "self-isolation is counterproductive" bit from before. Stuff like sending out three dozen Christmas cards and only getting a handful, if that, in return--not even an e-mail saying "hey i got ur card" =p That's discouraging, though I'm sure most folks [like me] do it anyway because, being the person who maybe can't send cards for what reason, it would be nicer to get one than not get one, and it's petty to keep a scoreboard of that stuff so why not just blanketly send something to everyone, funds providing? Stuff like that.
[On that note, I got cards from Grandma, Mom/Dad, Prismo, and Digo/Azzy so far, thankee peeps!]
Of course, my specific problem is still, if doing art for myself isn't satisfying, what is? =/ I think I know, but that's getting into some heavy psychological stuff not easily remedied in introspective LiveJournal posts, stuff I'm still working through and may never finish. I do have a pretty complex pic immediately on the plate, though, maybe post in a day or two.