273: for the record
I apparently can only post two major revelations at a time, as I only remembered these now when I wanted to write them a couple days ago.
Apparently I'm pay grade 7, which is pretty much the highest hourly rate at work [I highly dislike the idea of becoming an Exec or even a Team Lead], so any ideas I had about moving within the company won't work unless pay is less a concern than other factors. However, I perhaps took a lesson I learned long ago* too much to heart, because I've simplified my life before I even started it. I don't mind this too much, though, unless I see something I want that would cost a lot of money :p or am told it will cost me possibly $1,000 to fix my brakes 9_9 ...but then, that's why I'm saving money in the first place.
*Basically, there was a successful executive who nevertheless felt stress all the time and never had any money in the bank, until she realized that her job--though higher paying--cost her more money, as well, so she quit that and got a simpler one that was much less stressful and gave her a chance to save money.
I also fleshed out an argument I had regarding who I am that involved a likening of "I'm not a furry" to "I'm not a musician"--I have attributes that *could* make me one, but I don't feel I am enough of one to validate the claim. [I can't remember where I mentioned this before, but I know I have.] However, I wanted to add, I am also not an artist.
The qualities that make someone a good artist--or a musician, which I use as example because I doubt ANY of you consider me to be one--are at least two of talent, diligence, and vision. You can squeeze by on two, excel with three, but fail with only one. A talented, hard worker may have trouble actually composing a piece [particularly as commission], but eventually s/he will get there with enough diligence. Someone with talent and vision may nevertheless have problems actually getting around to the work for some reason, but s/he can succeed. Finally, one with great ideas who is willing to work at it may stumble, due to not being skilled enough, but enough hammering will eventually knock out something great.
As a musician, I have vision. I have beautiful music sing through my head, but because I lack the skill and understanding of how to record it [talent] and patience to actually work out how to record it before I forget it all [diligence], I fail to astound the world with my chords; thus, I do not think of myself as a musician. [I stumble with FruityLoops, because once I actually get a chance to work with it, it's like staring at a blank sheet of paper and not remembering what to do.] In a way, it's a shame, but I lack the motivation to do anything with it because it seems as though a lot of the best musicians go largely ignored while crap like Linkin Park gets money thrown in its direction for absolutely no aesthetically-viable reason whatsoever. [Out of fairness, this may be from having a niche music taste rather than from it genuinely being crap, though I still reserve that judgment.]
Actually, I *can* remember a tune if I've written words for it, but that only seems to cheapen it :/ I much prefer my instrumentals, because there are so many layers to them when I hear them in my mind... it makes me cry hearing one and knowing no one else will :(
Writing comes easily, though, as you've undoubtedly noticed from my post rate. I feel good when I've written something good, but when I draw--particularly as of late--I don't feel so proud about it, because it's more often than not unfinished and will take many more hours to finish than I'm interested in investing. At the same time, though, I don't promote my writing, because I don't think it's that special [regardless of how good about it I feel], as I think it's important for everyone to be a talented writer and be capable of expressing one's own ideas [what those ideas are is a secondary concern]. Also, writing is that much easier to plagiarize than, for instance, artwork, so I'm much more hesitant to share anything in text form only, out of paranoia that there will be some B movie released next summer that botches my exact script :p
You may ask why I'm not an artist--certainly I have some degree of talent and vision, but I feel the talent is leaving me, particularly as my diligence declines. Last night [afternoon], I tried to draw a character I hadn't in what feels like years, to try to finalize her design, and it came out looking awful. I struggle with things I feel I used to do well, and this is what keeps me from doing the comic even on my proposed diminished rate of once a month. It's frustrating to say, "I'm an artist," and not draw... so I don't do either.
Tangent: The gerbils are happily munching away on a bit of roast pork that had fallen on the floor [which is why I'm not eating it, myself]. That they will is a reminder that I need to alter the world settings for my comic, because this changes some perceptions I've had about the way it should work. I'll clean their cages once the sun comes out--I don't like leaving their trash in the apartment, and I don't like going outside at night unless I'm with someone [Charles] or going to work. Jade Knight should be much happier in the dirt-filled tank, though, as much as she's been "digging to China" [as Charles says].
Apparently I'm pay grade 7, which is pretty much the highest hourly rate at work [I highly dislike the idea of becoming an Exec or even a Team Lead], so any ideas I had about moving within the company won't work unless pay is less a concern than other factors. However, I perhaps took a lesson I learned long ago* too much to heart, because I've simplified my life before I even started it. I don't mind this too much, though, unless I see something I want that would cost a lot of money :p or am told it will cost me possibly $1,000 to fix my brakes 9_9 ...but then, that's why I'm saving money in the first place.
*Basically, there was a successful executive who nevertheless felt stress all the time and never had any money in the bank, until she realized that her job--though higher paying--cost her more money, as well, so she quit that and got a simpler one that was much less stressful and gave her a chance to save money.
I also fleshed out an argument I had regarding who I am that involved a likening of "I'm not a furry" to "I'm not a musician"--I have attributes that *could* make me one, but I don't feel I am enough of one to validate the claim. [I can't remember where I mentioned this before, but I know I have.] However, I wanted to add, I am also not an artist.
The qualities that make someone a good artist--or a musician, which I use as example because I doubt ANY of you consider me to be one--are at least two of talent, diligence, and vision. You can squeeze by on two, excel with three, but fail with only one. A talented, hard worker may have trouble actually composing a piece [particularly as commission], but eventually s/he will get there with enough diligence. Someone with talent and vision may nevertheless have problems actually getting around to the work for some reason, but s/he can succeed. Finally, one with great ideas who is willing to work at it may stumble, due to not being skilled enough, but enough hammering will eventually knock out something great.
As a musician, I have vision. I have beautiful music sing through my head, but because I lack the skill and understanding of how to record it [talent] and patience to actually work out how to record it before I forget it all [diligence], I fail to astound the world with my chords; thus, I do not think of myself as a musician. [I stumble with FruityLoops, because once I actually get a chance to work with it, it's like staring at a blank sheet of paper and not remembering what to do.] In a way, it's a shame, but I lack the motivation to do anything with it because it seems as though a lot of the best musicians go largely ignored while crap like Linkin Park gets money thrown in its direction for absolutely no aesthetically-viable reason whatsoever. [Out of fairness, this may be from having a niche music taste rather than from it genuinely being crap, though I still reserve that judgment.]
Actually, I *can* remember a tune if I've written words for it, but that only seems to cheapen it :/ I much prefer my instrumentals, because there are so many layers to them when I hear them in my mind... it makes me cry hearing one and knowing no one else will :(
Writing comes easily, though, as you've undoubtedly noticed from my post rate. I feel good when I've written something good, but when I draw--particularly as of late--I don't feel so proud about it, because it's more often than not unfinished and will take many more hours to finish than I'm interested in investing. At the same time, though, I don't promote my writing, because I don't think it's that special [regardless of how good about it I feel], as I think it's important for everyone to be a talented writer and be capable of expressing one's own ideas [what those ideas are is a secondary concern]. Also, writing is that much easier to plagiarize than, for instance, artwork, so I'm much more hesitant to share anything in text form only, out of paranoia that there will be some B movie released next summer that botches my exact script :p
You may ask why I'm not an artist--certainly I have some degree of talent and vision, but I feel the talent is leaving me, particularly as my diligence declines. Last night [afternoon], I tried to draw a character I hadn't in what feels like years, to try to finalize her design, and it came out looking awful. I struggle with things I feel I used to do well, and this is what keeps me from doing the comic even on my proposed diminished rate of once a month. It's frustrating to say, "I'm an artist," and not draw... so I don't do either.
Tangent: The gerbils are happily munching away on a bit of roast pork that had fallen on the floor [which is why I'm not eating it, myself]. That they will is a reminder that I need to alter the world settings for my comic, because this changes some perceptions I've had about the way it should work. I'll clean their cages once the sun comes out--I don't like leaving their trash in the apartment, and I don't like going outside at night unless I'm with someone [Charles] or going to work. Jade Knight should be much happier in the dirt-filled tank, though, as much as she's been "digging to China" [as Charles says].