(no subject)
Today I gave banjo lessons to Behida. Poor poor heart broken Behida. I admit I find her emotions IN GENERAL to be irrational but I sympathize with her in general. No RELATE to her madness, surely, but I have empathy. She;s all head over heels over this dude and is constantly like "Does he like me? Does he like me?" And I'm like, "Yes, he does. Duh." Then she's like "But I don't want to be his girlfriend, I only want to date." And I'm like, "I'm sure that's fine."
Then she's back to "Does he like me?!?!? He doesn't SAY so." and I'm like, "Dude, he's totally chasing after you." And he is. Then she's all, "Oh we had a bad date, it was horrible" and calls me crying. Over what? I don't know. Then she's all "He says he only wants to date, not be in any relationships, but his kisses are so sweet!" I remind her that SHE doesn't want to be in a relationship and said so not an hour before lamenting to me that he is simply dating, not actually in love with her. She says crying, "Yeah, but I didn't mean it." It was actually really cute and funny, but is a reminder to me of why I would never, ever want to be involed with this beautiful friend of mine. She is the queen of irrantional emotions.
Her banjo playing, on the other hand, is coming along nicely.
This evening I hung out with Miss Jillian Slater. We hung out at a cafe and caught up on this week's gossip and then went to The Parkway to see Art School Confidental. I had already seen it, though I didn't tell her that, and actually did not like it. I had the impression that it was a film FOR art school geeks, but it was actually ABOUT them. Who was it for? Middle America. It had more in common with National Lamboon films than it did with anything by Wes Anderson. To the unhip I would state it a bit more articulately and would actually avoid this word like the plague, but the movie was pretty sexist. Flat female characters, limited to love or sex interests. Stupid charictures. Eh. It takes dead baby jokes to offend me, but very little to bore me. While the movie WAS funny, it was also boring and stale.
The prize was time with Jillian. I do not know why she does not see how much I am into her. Well, maybe she does. I am way into her, and she seems to be way into me. But that does not take it to the romantic level... for her. It was a very good time of talking and connection. After hanging out at her bike talking for an riduculously long time, I asked her if I could kiss her good bye. She blushes and hides behind her hair and says she doesn't know. Wrong answer. She hims and haas (is that an expression or am i making that up?) and is all passive and embarassed and says I really put her on the spot. I laugh and say I don't mean to, but you know I like her and stuff, punching her arm. I tell her to give me a call when she gets back from her trip to L.A.
This will be the SECOND time I have asked her if she'd like to kiss, both times she's reacted surpirsed and flustered. This is displeasing to me. I am fairly confident I am not imaginging the affections and appreciation we are SHARING, but maybe my illusions are over her confidence and comfort level with me. Maybe she, LIKE ME, is only confident when she is the one chasing, pursueing and desiring. Maybe she is like child. Maybe hse DOES still have a boyfriend and doesn't bring it up anymore for reason X, Y, X. Who knows?
I feel good having asked, becuase I have beat myself up, imagaging my self being rejected and unkissable as of late. Upon thinking about this I realized I ahven't done all I could do to make my affections more openw ith Jillian and if there was failure there, part of that was on my shoulders. I do not feel that way now, nor do I think there is failure. I am truely happy with all of my interactions with Jillian. She is lovely. How I feel around her and becuae of her is positve. I desire her attention and affection. This is all true. But I don't need her to kiss me.
Then she's back to "Does he like me?!?!? He doesn't SAY so." and I'm like, "Dude, he's totally chasing after you." And he is. Then she's all, "Oh we had a bad date, it was horrible" and calls me crying. Over what? I don't know. Then she's all "He says he only wants to date, not be in any relationships, but his kisses are so sweet!" I remind her that SHE doesn't want to be in a relationship and said so not an hour before lamenting to me that he is simply dating, not actually in love with her. She says crying, "Yeah, but I didn't mean it." It was actually really cute and funny, but is a reminder to me of why I would never, ever want to be involed with this beautiful friend of mine. She is the queen of irrantional emotions.
Her banjo playing, on the other hand, is coming along nicely.
This evening I hung out with Miss Jillian Slater. We hung out at a cafe and caught up on this week's gossip and then went to The Parkway to see Art School Confidental. I had already seen it, though I didn't tell her that, and actually did not like it. I had the impression that it was a film FOR art school geeks, but it was actually ABOUT them. Who was it for? Middle America. It had more in common with National Lamboon films than it did with anything by Wes Anderson. To the unhip I would state it a bit more articulately and would actually avoid this word like the plague, but the movie was pretty sexist. Flat female characters, limited to love or sex interests. Stupid charictures. Eh. It takes dead baby jokes to offend me, but very little to bore me. While the movie WAS funny, it was also boring and stale.
The prize was time with Jillian. I do not know why she does not see how much I am into her. Well, maybe she does. I am way into her, and she seems to be way into me. But that does not take it to the romantic level... for her. It was a very good time of talking and connection. After hanging out at her bike talking for an riduculously long time, I asked her if I could kiss her good bye. She blushes and hides behind her hair and says she doesn't know. Wrong answer. She hims and haas (is that an expression or am i making that up?) and is all passive and embarassed and says I really put her on the spot. I laugh and say I don't mean to, but you know I like her and stuff, punching her arm. I tell her to give me a call when she gets back from her trip to L.A.
This will be the SECOND time I have asked her if she'd like to kiss, both times she's reacted surpirsed and flustered. This is displeasing to me. I am fairly confident I am not imaginging the affections and appreciation we are SHARING, but maybe my illusions are over her confidence and comfort level with me. Maybe she, LIKE ME, is only confident when she is the one chasing, pursueing and desiring. Maybe she is like child. Maybe hse DOES still have a boyfriend and doesn't bring it up anymore for reason X, Y, X. Who knows?
I feel good having asked, becuase I have beat myself up, imagaging my self being rejected and unkissable as of late. Upon thinking about this I realized I ahven't done all I could do to make my affections more openw ith Jillian and if there was failure there, part of that was on my shoulders. I do not feel that way now, nor do I think there is failure. I am truely happy with all of my interactions with Jillian. She is lovely. How I feel around her and becuae of her is positve. I desire her attention and affection. This is all true. But I don't need her to kiss me.