Of Wrong Love and Suicide
Title: Of Wrong Love and Suicide
Pairing: G-Ri
Genre: Drabble
Rating: PG
AN: because i read oxygenlove 's drabble, and then i have my bugging daughter (zobydabest ) over at MSN screaming GRI love, and yea yea 2% CF. LOL ^___________^ now I'll run again back to my dvd marathon. Will reply to comments later ^^ [oops and sorry for the lame connection. man i feel so crappy today T___T] >PHAIL. [and one more! SUCKY TITLE O.O i'm in a rush and I don't know why, my dvd won't leave me anyways LOOL)
Friend means everything to you, being there when you need them, being there when they need you. So even though everytime you go out with him you wanted to cry, you still go because he wants you to. He wants to be with you while he's with the girl he had been so crazy about. If you were to think some crazy thought like, he knows that you're so into him, you would think that he's torturing you.
That he's doing it on purpose. To break you into tiny little pieces, to make your life miserable, more miserable than it already is.
but how can he know? How can he possibly know when he thinks of you as a friend? As someone who does nothing but to run and play with him. Someone who sees him as a kid. Someone who is far different from the Kwon Ji Yong who had fallen head over heels in love for Lee SeungHyun.
Three is definitely a crowd, but you don't mind. You try not to mind, because you're there for SeungRi and not for the girl. You're there because you wanted to be with him even when he is too occupied with his girl. You're there because you're still close to him, you feel like you still has him even when he says otherwise. Even when you know that you never really had him.
"Lookie, lookie here..." he screams at the girl while you tried to lean on his tummy like you always do, but he lift his legs up so what you did was to squeeze in your head between it, and act as if you're once again his crazy hyung who wants nothing but to play with him.
But what you felt was like you're squeezing yourself too damn much, that you're hurting. You are tearing yourself, you are stabbing yourself everytime a situation like that happens. You sit and smile from a distance, watch them talk, watch them smile at his lame jokes, watch them giggle, watch him hold her hands as if he never wanted to let go.
And you thought, one day, he held your hand that way. But not as tight as he hold on to the girl. The girl you don't even like for him, but because he's your friend, you somehow forced yourself into liking her.
Because he's Lee Seung Hyun, and whoever he loves, you love.
Even when it is actually suicide for you.
"Hyung... thank you for going with us today." He muttered as soon as you got home. You threw yourself on the couch, closed your eyes and thought of the words to reply. But even before you could, he said; "But hyung... don't you think its wrong? I mean, I'm still in Big Bang, and... having her..."
You didn't think, you let your heart do the talking;
"There's no such thing as wrong love maknae, sometimes, we just fall in love in the wrong time, in the wrong place, but love? It can never be wrong. It could be dangerous but it could never be wrong"
You breathe in, tried to take in the words you just said. And then a tear slipped down from your eyes. For the nth time, your eyes betrayed you. Things are just way too much, you just had to let go of some.
"Hyung are you crying?" you felt his footsteps, rushing to where you are. Sat down beside you, tapped your shoulders as you open your eyes and forced a smile.
"I'm just tired" You said and you want him to know how much those words mean to you. For it means a lot, like so much you would want to cut your wrist to end everything.
Surprisingly, what the next thing SeungRi did was to take you in his arms, his warmth against yours was more than enough to calm your soul and for you to think properly, even just for a couple of seconds.
"Hyung, i'm sorry I had to drag you into this... I know you bear too much, but I'm here hyung. I'm here" You hold on to his arms, doesn't have the thought of letting go. You even kissed his arm lightly, and then closed your eyes and wished that moment would never end.
But it has to.
"JiSoo and I will never leave you hyung, and the whole Big Bang... and Y.." You know he was still talking, but you got trapped in the second when he said her name. And then you remember, the girl's name was Park Ji Soo.
"JiSoo and I" it keeps on repeating itself inside your head and all you did was to let go of him and ran to your room.
Cause it was too much. The pain was unbearable. The pain was overwhelming.
"JiSoo and I..." why can't it be "JiYong and I?" It had been that way for sometime already, though its for Big Bang, for fan service, but still, "Jiyong and I" is "Jiyong and I" not, "JiSoo and I"
And the next thing you knew was calling somebody, somebody you really need to talk to;
"Hyung, I need sometime off. I guess, I'll be going with my friends back to London, if that's okay"
Pairing: G-Ri
Genre: Drabble
Rating: PG
AN: because i read oxygenlove 's drabble, and then i have my bugging daughter (zobydabest ) over at MSN screaming GRI love, and yea yea 2% CF. LOL ^___________^ now I'll run again back to my dvd marathon. Will reply to comments later ^^ [oops and sorry for the lame connection. man i feel so crappy today T___T] >PHAIL. [and one more! SUCKY TITLE O.O i'm in a rush and I don't know why, my dvd won't leave me anyways LOOL)
Friend means everything to you, being there when you need them, being there when they need you. So even though everytime you go out with him you wanted to cry, you still go because he wants you to. He wants to be with you while he's with the girl he had been so crazy about. If you were to think some crazy thought like, he knows that you're so into him, you would think that he's torturing you.
That he's doing it on purpose. To break you into tiny little pieces, to make your life miserable, more miserable than it already is.
but how can he know? How can he possibly know when he thinks of you as a friend? As someone who does nothing but to run and play with him. Someone who sees him as a kid. Someone who is far different from the Kwon Ji Yong who had fallen head over heels in love for Lee SeungHyun.
Three is definitely a crowd, but you don't mind. You try not to mind, because you're there for SeungRi and not for the girl. You're there because you wanted to be with him even when he is too occupied with his girl. You're there because you're still close to him, you feel like you still has him even when he says otherwise. Even when you know that you never really had him.
"Lookie, lookie here..." he screams at the girl while you tried to lean on his tummy like you always do, but he lift his legs up so what you did was to squeeze in your head between it, and act as if you're once again his crazy hyung who wants nothing but to play with him.
But what you felt was like you're squeezing yourself too damn much, that you're hurting. You are tearing yourself, you are stabbing yourself everytime a situation like that happens. You sit and smile from a distance, watch them talk, watch them smile at his lame jokes, watch them giggle, watch him hold her hands as if he never wanted to let go.
And you thought, one day, he held your hand that way. But not as tight as he hold on to the girl. The girl you don't even like for him, but because he's your friend, you somehow forced yourself into liking her.
Because he's Lee Seung Hyun, and whoever he loves, you love.
Even when it is actually suicide for you.
"Hyung... thank you for going with us today." He muttered as soon as you got home. You threw yourself on the couch, closed your eyes and thought of the words to reply. But even before you could, he said; "But hyung... don't you think its wrong? I mean, I'm still in Big Bang, and... having her..."
You didn't think, you let your heart do the talking;
"There's no such thing as wrong love maknae, sometimes, we just fall in love in the wrong time, in the wrong place, but love? It can never be wrong. It could be dangerous but it could never be wrong"
You breathe in, tried to take in the words you just said. And then a tear slipped down from your eyes. For the nth time, your eyes betrayed you. Things are just way too much, you just had to let go of some.
"Hyung are you crying?" you felt his footsteps, rushing to where you are. Sat down beside you, tapped your shoulders as you open your eyes and forced a smile.
"I'm just tired" You said and you want him to know how much those words mean to you. For it means a lot, like so much you would want to cut your wrist to end everything.
Surprisingly, what the next thing SeungRi did was to take you in his arms, his warmth against yours was more than enough to calm your soul and for you to think properly, even just for a couple of seconds.
"Hyung, i'm sorry I had to drag you into this... I know you bear too much, but I'm here hyung. I'm here" You hold on to his arms, doesn't have the thought of letting go. You even kissed his arm lightly, and then closed your eyes and wished that moment would never end.
But it has to.
"JiSoo and I will never leave you hyung, and the whole Big Bang... and Y.." You know he was still talking, but you got trapped in the second when he said her name. And then you remember, the girl's name was Park Ji Soo.
"JiSoo and I" it keeps on repeating itself inside your head and all you did was to let go of him and ran to your room.
Cause it was too much. The pain was unbearable. The pain was overwhelming.
"JiSoo and I..." why can't it be "JiYong and I?" It had been that way for sometime already, though its for Big Bang, for fan service, but still, "Jiyong and I" is "Jiyong and I" not, "JiSoo and I"
And the next thing you knew was calling somebody, somebody you really need to talk to;
"Hyung, I need sometime off. I guess, I'll be going with my friends back to London, if that's okay"